Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

Yes I don't know a woman who's menopausal who HASN'T had flooding during peri menopause

I've never had flooding ever - not even post partum

@KKslidoff

A cleaner and leaving your husband are the solution to all of life's problems.

Another one here voting for this as the road to happiness!

@tinkywinkyshandbag

I've never had flooding ever - not even post partum

You are one fortunate woman!

We separate our washing into black/jeans, colours and whites and if my husband was selfish enough to put a jeans wash on just for him while leaving mine in the same washing basket I'd be livid.

Who has time for this pettiness?

@SleepOhHowIMissYou

We separate our washing into black/jeans, colours and whites and if my husband was selfish enough to put a jeans wash on just for him while leaving mine in the same washing basket I'd be livid.

Who has time for this pettiness?

Yes and with energy price rises you don't want to be doing any unnecessary loads.

Everyone knows both a couple who had a child at 25 then both died in a ferry disaster a year later, and someone who had their first baby at 48 and is now ‘fighting fit’ at 110 and running round after their grandkids.

Katy that reminded me, so many had dc at 15 and it didn't impact their career at all. They are millionaires now. Everyone either is a teen mum or they left it until mid 40s, there doesn't seem to be anything happening in the middle.

@whydiditalkaboutbruno

Everyone knows both a couple who had a child at 25 then both died in a ferry disaster a year later, and someone who had their first baby at 48 and is now ‘fighting fit’ at 110 and running round after their grandkids.

Never seen either of these.

You are either subtly berated for not leaving your abusive dating situation as it is so obvious that he had ‘red flags’ in the first twenty seconds of the interaction, or you are ‘needy, clingy and should see how things go’.

There is no half way port.

People use language like “I was really very very poorly” like it’s normal. Who tf speaks like that in real life?!

People are OBSESSED with not being judgy. Even though, snap judgements are happening all the time, yes you can certainly train yourself to internally think ‘now now, you don’t know the circumstances, don’t judge’ but anyone who says they don’t judge is lying. And it REALLY pisses me off when there’s a post like “would you judge me if I had my first baby via IVF at age 75” and under the singular post that says “honestly yes that’s too old” there’s multiple posts saying “of course I wouldn’t, no one can know what you’re going through or have been through”.

Phew. That was cathartic

People use language like “I was really very very poorly” like it’s normal. Who tf speaks like that in real life?!

I used to hear it quite frequently when I lived in t’North.

Poorly pronounced pooh-wuh-leh.

@ChiefWiggumsBoy

People use language like “I was really very very poorly” like it’s normal. Who tf speaks like that in real life?!

People are OBSESSED with not being judgy. Even though, snap judgements are happening all the time, yes you can certainly train yourself to internally think ‘now now, you don’t know the circumstances, don’t judge’ but anyone who says they don’t judge is lying. And it REALLY pisses me off when there’s a post like “would you judge me if I had my first baby via IVF at age 75” and under the singular post that says “honestly yes that’s too old” there’s multiple posts saying “of course I wouldn’t, no one can know what you’re going through or have been through”.

Phew. That was cathartic

Poorly is used by the same people who say horrid, yummy and hubby

DH games? Manchild LTB. (You know because gaming is so niche that Microsoft aren't buying a games company for seven times what Disney paid for Pixar, Marvel and Lucasfilm combined)

DH doesn't put the toilet seat down? LTB. DH breathes? LTB. Not saying that all men are perfect but ye gods, at times you do wonder what some posters want.

Man has savings he doesn't share? Financial abuse. LTB. Woman has a load of savings she doesn't even bother to tell OH about? Escape fund. Perfectly reasonable.

Regardless of what twattery a child does it can never be because they're a naughty little shit. It's always ASD.

Tax avoidance whilst legal is EVIL. Benefit fraud whilst illegal is ok and you really should keep your nose out you Daily Fail reading Tory Brexiteer you.

The endless race to be offended (although that's everywhere now sadly).

Hun. Unless you're a 4th century nomad, please end the usage of this deeply irritating word.

Why the death of the letter H in the language of the yoof of today isn't getting more coverage. Oooops. Going off topic.

And why can't we talk about Bruno??? He was a pretty good boxer.

Everyone's grown up children go to uni

People who live in council houses only drink special brew and have social services involved to an extent, so your middle-class Dc can only play with them at school time.
Dc who have to share a bedroom are having their childhoods ruined
To make ends meet simply grow your own vegetables
If you have more than one child you should be thrown into prison for ruining the planet and the economy

We do our washing and it's honestly not inefficient - we don't have any whites really so don't do any sorting. Everyone has their own laundry basket. Always run full loads, it only takes around a week for each person to build up a load.

I find it way easier than having to separate laundry after it's dry and take it back to everyone's rooms. This way, you do one load, you take it to that person's room and put it away. No trying to figure out whether the socks are the 2 year olds or the 4 year old's, etc

If your dp doesn’t work and he makes you pay for a take away he’s a cocklodger.

No one use toilet brushes as they are unhygienic.

If your dh so much as raises his voice you must leave him to save your children.

No one feeds their kids processed food.

Everyone’s kids go to 25 after school clubs/activities (yet the parents still have time to cook from scratch and not serve up fish fingers).

People on benefits apparently have huge TVs, sky subscriptions and the latest iPhone that the rest of you are paying for.

Just throught of another one

If your DP tells you he loves you after being together a few months he is "love bombing you" and he is going to isolate you from all your friends and family leave Get our now!!!

You can’t sleep train and must breastfeed, regardless of how uncomfortable/inconvenient the consequences.

And nobody is ever sick; they always have projectile vomiting.

Yes, always has to be this dramatic.

Don't forget everyone has emetophobia too 🤔

Pre-covid (remember those days?) nobody ever had a non-specific bug or an upset stomach, they were all struck down with norovirus - despite being fanatically hygienic.

.

@CailleachGranda or worse - scrummy

Being able to feed your child on nothing but nuts and fruit you have picked on your walks (see the foraging thread).