Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

Everyone hates weddings.

IRL everyone I know loves weddings! And they all want to go to them without their kids and spend the night away.

If it doesn't happen in England many users seem oblivious.

I was once told that my Scottish qualification was "made up". Also that our school system is "confusing" because we use Primary/Secondary instead of Year X.

No one lives anywhere near a bus service because everyone lives rurally.

You must immediately cut off contact with your in laws as they are toxic if they disagree with you.

You always have a snappy come back for the (imaginary) person in the shop/cafe/Station who made an unbelievable/unbelievably rude comment. And older person will then come and congratulate on your comment.

All mumsnetters teenage boys can eat a whole roast dinner for 4 without gaining weight and have room for a whole trifle. The very same chicken will also last for making a curry, a soup and a pie.
Said teenage sons also play a sport competitively but the sport cannot be named as it would be outing as hardly any teenage boys play rugby, football, cricket or basketball. However you can think a sport like one of those things.

Thankfully nobody suggests taking in ironing etc these days as the cure to all financial issues.

Oh and a fucking spa day is the cure for all ills.

That no matter what has happened to you and you have done, you are almost always completely in the wrong and a terrible person. In your back garden and a drone falls out of the sky and hits you? Should have been paying attention and shouldn’t rub it in everyone’s faces that you live somewhere with a big enough garden that you can fit in it.

Only on MN virtually every person you know refuses to have a Health Visitor.

Only on MN PIL are all toxic, especially MILs who are controlling and should immediately be NC.

On MN everyone makes a chicken last all week, for all lunches and evening meals.

On MN If your DH snores you should never complain because you're lucky to have a DH, as someone's DH died.

On MN if you want a dog, you should get a retired greyhound.

Everyone has mental health issues and children with ADHD or are Autistic.

That every I'll behaved child has special needs
That every badly behaved adult has autism
That only new build homes have parking problems or 'sound' issues
That benefit cheats 'deserve' to enjoy the spoils of their fraud
That Jeremy Corbyn is to blame for everything that's wrong in the country despite never running it
That you go on holiday with your in laws

It is crucial that your unborn baby has a nickname assigned at birth. It is at least as important as their actual name

(Cross post skiing!)

"That Jeremy Corbyn is to blame for everything that's wrong in the country despite never running it"

Definitely this!

@SkiingIsHeaven I can assure you that I seem to spend a lot of time IRL talking about my mental health issues and my son's Autism so it's not only on MN

@KKslidoff

A cleaner and leaving your husband are the solution to all of life's problems.

Aren’t they though?!

LTB just because s/he has forgot to pick up a loaf / left sock on the floor / cant load the dishwasher the right way

you are evil because you did not stop a mum from shouting at a misbehaving child
You are evil because you did try to stop a mum from shouting at a misbehaving child

You're an alcoholic if you drink more than a small sherry once a year.
The complete inability to see that some (not all) people who don't work and claim benefits are in fact lazy, workshy scrotes who can't be arsed.
If you have a massive row with your husband he's abusive and you must leave immediately "Are you safe OP?, mock concern bollocks".

Mumsnet approval (or not in most cases) before you and your partner came name your baby.

On MN if you want a dog, you should get a retired greyhound.

That's just good advice.

There seem to be loads of women with no earning potential married to very high earning men. In real life, the high earners are married to other high earners

No school holiday childcare options at all even though almost 80% of mothers work

Walking 15 mins is some crazy hardship that you need a solution for - no one I know in real life would contemplate driving or taking a taxi that distance.

Not using babysitters except family.

That it's a big deal if your pal names their child the same name you have chosen for your yet to be born (or even conceived) child

That your dog or cat is the same as a human child

Everyone's DH cycles

@Biker47

No-one who is horrible, is just horrible, it's always they have some form of autism or personality disorder and should be understood instead of derided, meanwhile back in the real world... some people are just massive cunts for no reason other than they can and want to be.

@Biker47 similarly no kids are just badly behaved ever. They must have some kind of special needs, ADHD etc. Sorry but having worked with kids for years I can tell you that some kids are just little shits. Just like some adults are.

Knowing anyone who is trans.

Conflicts with vegans -- I know lots of vegans , almost all easy going, they don't care what YOU eat.

Encountering gangs of cyclists who shout "you twat!" at other road users.

The rampant anxiety...actually I have one friend who is plagued by this. And even she is good for a laugh.

Only on MN that your dog is 'out of control' if it dares to so much as sniff another dog.