Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

On MN, if a friend doesn't invite you to their birthday party, they're a class A bitch, you should block them immediately

In RL, you lick your wounds, pretend you don't mind, and continue the friendship but realise that unfortunately, you're not as close as you had thought

Driving; Everyone drives 3 hours or 120 miles each way to work to see/in laws and doesn't bat an eyelid. There is certainly no need to stop for the loo, or eat, or take a break on a journey less than 6 hours and no need to stay overnight. Anyone who might struggle with this is being a lightweight and probably shouldn't drive at all. (Most MN need a 4x4 because they have 3 dogs, a horsebox, a child that plays the harp, which needs to be transported, and live very rurally of course)
If you get the tiniest bit nervous or confused about any sort of junction or driving ever then you are a danger to yourself and others and shouldn't be on the road...but you will also be a CF if you ever ask anyone for a lift....and really you should be able to drive and sober to take your child to hospital at any given moment in time.

YY whatever you post about something that happened while you are driving it will be YOU in the wrong and yes @Fizbosshoes you will be told you are a liability who would never pass their test now.

Oh, and if you have any doubts about the veracity of something that a 'friend' has told you, you can demand to see a transcript of the complaint and a copy of the solicitors invoice for the work they did to investigate.

Considering that most of MN (allegedly) won't answer the door or the phone and cannot deal with any sort of confrontation, it is unlikely that they will just hand over details of a private incident which is absolutely nothing to do with the OP.

Every day I think MN just can't get any madder, bit it never fails to disappoint.

Everyone has a terrible perimenopause.

On MN independent school bursaries are bountiful. Every bright child is capable of getting one and that means independent schools are a Good Thing and very charitable indeed

Advice such as “get your ducks in a row” and “keep your powder dry” is regularly offered. I have never heard these phrases used in real life.

Lots of people have limerence towards a work colleague or someone.

If you move in together or meet each other’s kids within 3 years of meeting, you’re rushing into things and it’s still early days.

Advice such as “get your ducks in a row” and “keep your powder dry” is regularly offered. I have never heard these phrases used in real life.

I occasionally come across expressions I’ve never heard before on Mumsnet “He saw his arse” meaning he got angry was a recent one, but “keep your powder dry” seems very familiar, and “ducks in a row” fairly.

No one on benefits is ever breaking the law and committing fraud.

No woman alive makes it her mission to try and take another woman's husband or partner deliberately.

Driving a short distance (5mins of walking) is absolutely fine and no one should be annoyed about it.

On the same hand as above, everyone should be doing their best to reduce their carbon footprint and help the world out.

On the same hand as above as well, not being happy at being told to holiday in the UK because they MUST go abroad or they will literally combust if they cannot lie down on a beach in Italy.

Labour is to blame for everything despite the tories having been running the country for 12 years and no one else is suitable. At this point, a dog would be more suitable...

@Fizbosshoes

Driving; Everyone drives 3 hours or 120 miles each way to work to see/in laws and doesn't bat an eyelid. There is certainly no need to stop for the loo, or eat, or take a break on a journey less than 6 hours and no need to stay overnight. Anyone who might struggle with this is being a lightweight and probably shouldn't drive at all. (Most MN need a 4x4 because they have 3 dogs, a horsebox, a child that plays the harp, which needs to be transported, and live very rurally of course) If you get the tiniest bit nervous or confused about any sort of junction or driving ever then you are a danger to yourself and others and shouldn't be on the road...but you will also be a CF if you ever ask anyone for a lift....and really you should be able to drive and sober to take your child to hospital at any given moment in time.

Ah yes the need for a 4x4 on here is hilarious. I saw one person adamant that she needed a 4x4 just because it gave her a better view over hedges. Why not buy a lorry then, it's even taller.. Really if you are struggling that much to see that you cannot drive an average car, then you really should be taking a look at how you drive. The verges around here never get cut, most are in small cars. You know what we do at junctions? We take our time and look. Not a difficult concept...

@KKslidoff

A cleaner and leaving your husband are the solution to all of life's problems.

Don't forget the Robovac. It's a 'game changer'