Things that mostly only happen on mumsnet

[Imyourvenus]

Heres mine;

You must love MIL even if she is a bitch toad from hell

You must never say anything negative about anyone on benefits

Admitting to having no friends

Every 3rd person is NC with their family

Having a nanny

I’m sure I have more

@Classicblunder

Oh god the competitive undereating and nutrition angst. People being told that their kids eat too much fruit - just think of the sugar! - can't believe you had lentil soup, it's so carby etc etc

God yes!

You put a satsuma and a yogurt in your DC’s packed lunch? That’s far too much sugar!! They’ll be obese by secondary school! Try giving them some cardboard instead!

and the "other" grandparents seem to hog all their grandchildren's time.

• Whatever the weather everyone opens their windows wide every morning to let the fresh air in. It's the only way your home smells fresh as air fresheners and suchlike are a huge faux pas.
• all mumsnetters must despise Cadbury's chocolate ( Tony's is King!)
• Hunter wellies are a huge faux pas too. Badly made and would never be worn by true country folk. Dunlop all the way for the myriad of landed gentry here.

And if you're looking for white trainers Ladies...must be Stan Smith.

You absolutely must have your wedding at least 6 hours' travelling away from where all your friends and family live, everyone must take up the offer of 2 nights accommodation at the ludicrously expensive hotel in the middle of nowhere, and of course it has to be child free... and woe betide anyone who says they can't come.

In fairness that is true of every single parent I have ever spoken to.
All children are either ahead or have some kind of SEND. No one ever has a perfect average child. Which is odd as the schools are full of them.

I know, I'm a retired secondary school teacher!

On MN anything less than two loads of laundry a day is 'grim' as is not showering daily.

Anyone over the age of 60 who has a trantrum must be suffering from dementia

Everyone walks around declaring everything and everyone grim.
You ltb dh if he says "no" to fpb or eats the last chocolate biscuit. You are asked why on EARTH you married the tosser in the first place.
No one questions teachers, ever. You are especially not allowed to question school if you dared spawn a teenage son.

@Huntswomanonthemove

Only on MN virtually every person you know refuses to have a Health Visitor.

Only on MN PIL are all toxic, especially MILs who are controlling and should immediately be NC.

On MN everyone makes a chicken last all week, for all lunches and evening meals.

On MN If your DH snores you should never complain because you're lucky to have a DH, as someone's DH died.

On MN if you want a dog, you should get a retired greyhound.

To be fair, I know someone in real life who seems to think nobody should moan about their husband as ‘at least they have one’, hers died years ago.

Telling your DSC off means that you hate them and clearly have no idea how to parent, even if you would tell your own DC off for the exact same thing.

Anybody over the age of 50 who is nasty has dementia

@Classicblunder

Oh god the competitive undereating and nutrition angst. People being told that their kids eat too much fruit - just think of the sugar! - can't believe you had lentil soup, it's so carby etc etc

But also wait for the ‘oh no I’ve eaten the children’s Easter eggs already’ posts which will come soon.

Children are all tall (boys 13 and older are invariably 6' plus), 'grow like weeds', are 'flying' at school and 'top of their class' (obv all go to Blytonesque schools with common-knowledge rankings of the pupils). Reading ages tend to be wildly out of sync with chronological ages, too. There are 4 and 5yos up and down MN-land deep in independent reading of Harry Potter (to the accompanying sound of at least half the themes whizzing over their heads).

What class are you? What makes someone lower working/middle/upper class? Come on - you MUST know, surely!!!

@DrSbaitso

I've been going to various gyms/swimming pools regularly for over ten years. I have never yet seen anyone "prancing around" naked in the communal changing room. People are briefly naked for as long as it takes to get dried and dressed and that's it. Don't know where MNers are going, but I hope the membership fees reflect the experience.

Everyone hates weddings. For some reason, I actually like my friends and actually enjoy celebrating with them.

Everything is "grim" and "vile" on here.

@GreenWheat

The number of people with "social anxiety" is astounding.

They used to be shy but social anxiety sounds much better!

I once read that if your house is spotless then you must be working class because middle class people have better things to do !

Skiing!

It's true, but I'm reinforcing all of this. I'm practically NC with my family. No spare room. I have a lowish paid job but I prefer it so much to being on benefits so I'm not saying anything about people on benefits as a lot of them would like to swap with me or anybody else with a safe secure job..

have “elderly” parents even though they themselves are in their 30s (I’m guessing anything over 60 is considered elderly

over 40. During the first lockdown someone actually said on here that 40 somethings should stay at home because they were old and vulnerable. As someone who is at the tail end of her 40s, I was not best pleased :)

Although I did like the Facebook meme about "if you understand the connection between a cassette tape and a pen(cil), you are old and vulnerable so stay at home"

I get the opposite impression on mumsnet about MIL OP.

No one ever shouts at their children, husband. Everything must always be discussed calmly and maturely when in reality nobody does that.

It doesn't matter what you wear. If you want to wear gym kit to a funeral thats fine. You must be your true, authentic self. Social norms are outdated and controlling. The family will just be sooooo delighted you are showing you care Even though you have been specifically told that it is a formal, wear black, event.

You can make as much noise in your house/garden as you like without a single thought for your neighbours.
You are completely entitled to be fed up with your neighbours making the same noise in their house/garden without showing any consideration towards you.

@danadas

Everyone has a hobby that is so unique it cannot possibly be identified because otherwsie we will immediately know who you are due to said uniqueness of activity.

Yes. 66 million people in the UK (and this website is used by people living globally) but if you mention the hobby people will instantly know who you are!