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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to take Covid Positive son out for the day….

999 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 12:39

I’m in such a quandary.

Me, DH and DS (aged 7) tested positive last week.

DH was ill for a few days but was back at work on Day 7 after two negative LFTs.

I’m on Day 7 and my line is now starting to fade. I’ve been asymptomatic throughout.

DS is on Day 6, he has also been completely asymptomatic but his LFT is still positive.

My quandary is this…

DS and DH have got tickets to go to an event tomorrow that DS been looking forward to for about 6 months and this morning (after his latest LFT) we had to break the news to him that he wouldn’t be able to go and he was absolutely devastated. He started crying and it broke my heart.

He asked me if he could still go if he promised not to eat all day so he didn’t have to open his mouth and I just wanted to cry Sad

Everything is a 1000 times worse because he’s absolutely fine, he’s not ill at all and it seems so unfair on him. This event is something that means a lot to him and his dad and I’m genuinely gutted that the positive LFT means he can’t go.

However, my problem is that my DH has just phoned me and said that he wants to take our son anyway as the event is outdoors and DH said he doesn’t want to DS to miss out on something that means a lot to him when he’s perfectly well. DH said that if we repeat the LFT in the morning and it’s faint then he’s going to take DS on the trip.

I feel so torn. I know it’s awful because I really do know that if he’s LFT positive he shouldn’t go, but as a mother of a distraught little boy it’s so hard to be the bad guy.

Do I need to put a stop to this?

Or would it be ok to just hand control over to DH and say “I don’t agree with what you’re doing but I physically can’t stop you taking him.”

I hate Covid.

I don’t know what to do or what to say to DH.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
whynotwhatknot · 28/01/2022 13:17

arent they changing isolation to five days soon?

it does seem unfair on him is there no way to change the date

GettingItOutThere · 28/01/2022 13:17

day 7 when he goes?
yeah let him go, its outside its the safest you will get

poor kid

4pmwinetimebebeh · 28/01/2022 13:17

I’d let him go. Gel hands regularly, wear a mask etc. he’s young and has been looking forward to it so much. I now assume there are loads of asymptomatic undiagnosed covid positive people around and act accordingly.

roastingmichael · 28/01/2022 13:17

@edwinbear

I'm assuming it's a football match? I'd let him go too.
I know someone who caught covid at an international match and was really poorly. There's a lot of spots at stadiums where there is no social distancing and you're inside when arriving, leaving, using the toilet etc so if it's a football match or similar it's not safe for others.
Wreath21 · 28/01/2022 13:17

@NuttyinNotts

Do you want to raise him to believe that it's ok to break rules for keeping people safe if they are inconvenient? This is about more than the risk to others that you would he causing, it's also about the moral education of your child. One might wonder what our Prime Minister's parents would have done in this situation...
It's vital to raise children to question rules and use their own judgement on when to break them. We live under a government that has has nothing but contempt for the general public, and 'respect for authority' is dangerous.
BoodleBug51 · 28/01/2022 13:17

Let him go.

Life has to go on.

Seeingadistance · 28/01/2022 13:18

I’d let him go.

PrivateHall · 28/01/2022 13:18

I am such a stickler for rules that I don't think I would let my son go. However I wouldn't judge you in the slightest for doing this and to be honest I am really rooting for your DS here, poor kid. Heartbreaking!

5128gap · 28/01/2022 13:19

I'd let him go. As would the vast majority of people outside of MN threads.

RollaCola84 · 28/01/2022 13:19

If its the kind of outdoor event where he and your DH can keep away from other people, and they're not likely to see anyone they know then I'd let him go. If its a more crowded outdoor event, like a football match then I wouldn't.

The difficulty over the last two years is that we have been asked to behave in ways that are basically not natural for humans, we've been asked to do things detrimental to the welfare of ourselves and our loved ones for the the theoretical welfare of strangers (before someone shouts me down that dying is worse than missing a concert, I know I'm discussing welfare in its broadest possible sense).

If OP's son stays in isolation he will definitely miss his event, he will definitely be disappointed and upset to have missed out for something that isn't his fault. Yes he'll get over it, yes he may be able to go to the thing in future but for tomorrow that is definitely what will happen.

If OP's son goes, he may still be contagious, he may come into contact with someone who is unvaccinated or immunosuppressed who may catch the virus from him and may become ill, or who may give it to someone else who may become ill. Or he may not, and nobody is any the worse off for OP's son being out and about.

Plenty of people on here will assume the moral high ground and insist its an easy decision to make to put strangers first, but in reality it isn't. If a building was on fire containing a family member and a bunch of strangers would you rush in and grab the first person you saw, or would you try to find your loved one ? We're programmed to act in the best interests of our own pack.

Lorw · 28/01/2022 13:19

Sorry but completely selfish to go knowing he’s positive, my 4 week old has been quite poorly with Covid and trying to look after a baby who has Covid while being quite poorly with it yourself is an absolute nightmare, it’s not worth risking everyone else for the sake of one event, there will be other times 😁

gogetta · 28/01/2022 13:19

Pls don't let him go. You know what the right thing to do is. It's unfortunate people don't care about exposing other vulnerable people. Yes it sucks he can't go but truly let him stay home till he tests negative.

HashtagSexy · 28/01/2022 13:19

I would let him go as well. Think how many people there will be positive and asymptomatic. It's horrible for kids. Poor poppet. Let him go

Abraxan · 28/01/2022 13:20

If you have a negative test result for 2 days in a row, and do not have a high temperature, you can stop testing and leave self-isolation early.
While you test positive, or if you have a high temperature, continue to self-isolate until [date from T&T] (including this date). You do not need to continue testing after this date.
For more guidance see https://contact-tracing.phe.gov.uk/links/guidance-for-casess_
It is a legal duty to self-isolate. You may be fined if you do not.

___

If he goes, whilst positive (not having 2 consecutive tests, 24 hours apart) you are breaking the law.

This may or may not be important to you, and the risk of being found out and fined will be very small.

But it's not just morally wrong to do it, it is actually legally wrong.

SocialConnection · 28/01/2022 13:20

You all caught it because somebody with it went out and infected your family.

You were lucky.

Not everyone is. It's not about how we feel when asymptomatic or mild, it's how others might take the infection.

But check the research on when people actually stop being infectious even with a positive test.

If that's the stage you can show he's at, then if he can't infect, then why not let him go.

balkangrill · 28/01/2022 13:20

Let him go, I know I would. Children have suffered enough and it's outdoors, no need for your boy to feel miserable. Everybody had opportunity to be vaccinated anyway.

AlexaShutUp · 28/01/2022 13:21

Yeah, teach him that he's special and that the rules don't apply to him. He can follow in the footsteps of our esteemed prime minister.

What does it matter if he infects a vulnerable person as a result of going out while infectious?

FFS!

1940s · 28/01/2022 13:21

Let him go

DropYourSword · 28/01/2022 13:21

@Abraxan
Isn't a legal duty to follow the rules in your country though?

So if the OP is currently in England, they should follow the rules in England.

Yes, you would think! But given that the guys in charge of writing the rules were so bloody happy to not bother following them I think that perhaps causes people to question them and undertake a risk assessment

muddyboots · 28/01/2022 13:21

I'd let him go

ZooKeeper19 · 28/01/2022 13:22

Outside. Let him go. Ask him to wear a facemask if he can, and keep distance but let him go.

Everydayimhuffling · 28/01/2022 13:22

I think it's pretty morally reprehensible to go if he's still testing positive. Children aren't vaccinated, and there are plenty of medically vulnerable children around. Presumably if your child is at this event then other children may be too. There are also plenty of people who are vulnerable despite having been vaccinated. This attitude of who cares about anyone else as long as my family isn't inconvenienced or made slightly unhappy is pretty disgusting. Not really you, OP. You actually seem pretty reasonable.

Sceptre86 · 28/01/2022 13:22

We all have covid here too and my children are asymptomatic but ds is going to miss a birthday party. He cried too but is 4 not as big as your son and by 7 I would actually expect him to understand. It's shit but that's the rules. If you don't want to follow them that is your choice but there will be lots of kids missing out because of covid and yours isn't anymore precious than anyone else's.

MadeForThis · 28/01/2022 13:22

If you decide to send him I wouldn't let him have the burden of knowing he was positive. You need to tell him he is negative. It's too hard a secret to keep and he will be forced to lie to people he knows.

Undertheoldlindentree · 28/01/2022 13:23

I have been a rule-taker all along and have isolated, quarantined, missed stuff all along. But now have had enough of these rough-shod rules. I would let him go. As he's asymptomatic, his date is taken from his first positive test because that's all there is to go on. If he had symptoms, they'd probably have started 2 or 3 days before the test and so he'd be on Day 10 or so tomorrow anyway.

Two or three days before testing positive are when people are most likely to pass it on and you're well clear of this. Either way, he's at the tail end. We must stop impacting children's lives for a miniscule risk.

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