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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to take Covid Positive son out for the day….

999 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 12:39

I’m in such a quandary.

Me, DH and DS (aged 7) tested positive last week.

DH was ill for a few days but was back at work on Day 7 after two negative LFTs.

I’m on Day 7 and my line is now starting to fade. I’ve been asymptomatic throughout.

DS is on Day 6, he has also been completely asymptomatic but his LFT is still positive.

My quandary is this…

DS and DH have got tickets to go to an event tomorrow that DS been looking forward to for about 6 months and this morning (after his latest LFT) we had to break the news to him that he wouldn’t be able to go and he was absolutely devastated. He started crying and it broke my heart.

He asked me if he could still go if he promised not to eat all day so he didn’t have to open his mouth and I just wanted to cry Sad

Everything is a 1000 times worse because he’s absolutely fine, he’s not ill at all and it seems so unfair on him. This event is something that means a lot to him and his dad and I’m genuinely gutted that the positive LFT means he can’t go.

However, my problem is that my DH has just phoned me and said that he wants to take our son anyway as the event is outdoors and DH said he doesn’t want to DS to miss out on something that means a lot to him when he’s perfectly well. DH said that if we repeat the LFT in the morning and it’s faint then he’s going to take DS on the trip.

I feel so torn. I know it’s awful because I really do know that if he’s LFT positive he shouldn’t go, but as a mother of a distraught little boy it’s so hard to be the bad guy.

Do I need to put a stop to this?

Or would it be ok to just hand control over to DH and say “I don’t agree with what you’re doing but I physically can’t stop you taking him.”

I hate Covid.

I don’t know what to do or what to say to DH.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
CovidCorvid · 28/01/2022 13:02

I was positive. Sharing a house with 3 others who I didn’t keep my distance from. Shared a bed with Dh. Nobody caught it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ohfook · 28/01/2022 13:02

@DustyMaiden

I wouldn’t, it’s sad but can’t be helped. The fact he has tested positive means he is breathing out virus particles. He can’t not breath all day. Book something for later.
This isn't correct. You can test positive for up to 90 days after having covid. That doesn't mean you're still contagious.
nanabow · 28/01/2022 13:03

I'd let him go, especially if it's outside and not going to be packed.

A few countries are now doing 5 day isolation for asymptotic people, and then 10-14days if you're symptomatic.

We're currently in the situation where our completely asymptomatic toddler is going to have been shut indoors for 15 days (I tested positive on day 5 of my daily tests for close contact).

Not only is it unfair on her, she's climbing the walls and can't understand why she's being kept in. But I'm loosing 11 days of pay while still paying £65 a day for nursery.

TheOccupier · 28/01/2022 13:03

What is the event? I'd be inclined to let him go, and make sure he wears gloves and a mask (if it's outdoors he'll need gloves anyway).

Soubriquet · 28/01/2022 13:03

Technically he shouldn’t go as he is testing positive.

But an outdoor event where he is wearing his mask. Let the poor little sod go

Abraxan · 28/01/2022 13:03

@LargeYorkshirePuddingAndGravy

The reason you're in this situation is because someone with covid was out and about and so your family got it.

If you allow your son to go you're likely to pass this situation onto someone else.

He shouldn't go. It's shit but it's the way it is.

I agree with this.

The reason I am at home Ill with covid, and having to have antiviral infusions to help me feel better, is because someone was out and about with covid, obviously most likely unknowingly.

But to knowingly go out and about whilst still testing positive, 3-4 days before isolation ends, is irresponsible and selfish The event isn't some essential journey, or even vaguely necessary.

Yes it's totally rubbish your DS will miss out. But this whole thing is also totally rubbish for everyone, so why risk making it potentially worse for someone else.

Flutterflybutterby · 28/01/2022 13:03

I'd let him go

roastingmichael · 28/01/2022 13:03

@LargeYorkshirePuddingAndGravy

The reason you're in this situation is because someone with covid was out and about and so your family got it.

If you allow your son to go you're likely to pass this situation onto someone else.

He shouldn't go. It's shit but it's the way it is.

This! That person might not have known they were positive but the OP knows their son is.
TheMerrickBoy · 28/01/2022 13:03

@tackling

It's not a tough one for me.

He's infected with a contagious disease. Unless he will be several metres away from everyone, not touching stuff, not going to the toilet etc, never breathing into someone else's space, then he could easily pass it on to someone else.

Also seems mad to me that you'd teach him the message "oh well if you really REALLY want something then the rules don't apply after all".

Touching stuff and going to the toilet will be fine!

This is such a tough one. I think for me the biggest issue would be, will he tell people he was allowed to and what reactions will he get, and are you prepared to ask him to fib about it?

On the other hand, if you hadn't tested, you'd clearly never even have known he had it and there wouldn't be an issue. And it is outdoors.

Phrenologistsfinger · 28/01/2022 13:03

YABU but we live in an age of selfish entitlement so no doubt you will go anyway and sod everyone else.

Caramellatteplease · 28/01/2022 13:04

Have you got an ffp3 mask? What is the event does it require running around

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 13:05

Just let him go. If he's asymptomatic he'd never have even realised he had it if he hadn't tested.

When we did test him we didn’t actually think it would come up as positive because he was totally fine - and still is.

His younger brother, who is 4, has spent all day, every day with my positive 7 year old and despite daily LFTs he’s always been negative.

I know what the ‘right’ thing to do is, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

OP posts:
Flyonawalk · 28/01/2022 13:05

Pot little chap. I’d let him go.

Gonnagetgoing · 28/01/2022 13:05

@tackling

It's not a tough one for me.

He's infected with a contagious disease. Unless he will be several metres away from everyone, not touching stuff, not going to the toilet etc, never breathing into someone else's space, then he could easily pass it on to someone else.

Also seems mad to me that you'd teach him the message "oh well if you really REALLY want something then the rules don't apply after all".

@tackling - this agreed. How do you know any potentially immune compromised people are out and might catch it from him? If it were a beach or park where hardly anyone was around I’d say yes but he’s probably going to come in contact either via touch or mouth and you can’t guarantee he won’t keep his mask on at all times.

And yes it does send a message to say rules can be bent. I say this as a child who was very ill a few times and had to miss events I’d have loved to gone to.

BatshitBanshee · 28/01/2022 13:07

You might be fine and your son might be fine but my vulnerable baby wouldn't be if she got it from your son, neither would I be fine as I'm very high risk. An outdoor day mixing with people while covid positive is a day to you, but could mean someone else's family end up in a NICU or ICU. I couldn't have that on my conscience.

HappyDays40 · 28/01/2022 13:07

I'm not sure what difference a few weeks is going to make. I'd let him go OP. Kids have had their hearts broken too many times.

edwinbear · 28/01/2022 13:07

I'm assuming it's a football match? I'd let him go too.

roastingmichael · 28/01/2022 13:08

@ohfook the 90 day thing is for PCR not LFT. A pos LFT is a better indication that you can still pass it on to others.

Whistleforthechoir · 28/01/2022 13:08

I'd definitely let him go. 2 years of crap out of the few years the poor boy has been on this earth. This nonsense has to stop. He has no symptoms, he'd be more ill if he had a cold. If you hadn't tested an asymptomatic person you'd be none the wiser and the poor lad wouldn't be in this position.

Please don't take any more from your son. Anyone who is vulnerable should have had their vaccines. We need to start taking responsibility for ourselves and our own health.

Oh, and you'll get a bunch on here who never want this to end. Please don't listen

3luckystars · 28/01/2022 13:08

Poor little fella.

Abraxan · 28/01/2022 13:08

@Pointswesthelpplease

I'd let him go. They have already said there will be no need for isolation by March. I don't see what difference a month makes.
They haven't actually said that will happen in March. Just that the current rules are in place until March and then it will be up for review.

Now, obviously BJ is trying to do anything to save his own skin so I wouldn't trust him to even listen to any medical or scientific basis for what he decides to do.

Regardless that is two months away, and the start of spring. Currently case numbers are high and we are still in winter.

lemmity · 28/01/2022 13:09

Let him go!

chinateapot · 28/01/2022 13:09

I’m really upset by this. My daughter has been through chemo and while she’s off treatment now I know a lot of kids who aren’t. Getting Covid has a huge impact for some kids and adults even if they aren’t really poorly with it - cancelled scans, cancelled surgeries, even just the need to isolate for a kid who’s already spent months / years isolating.

Why can’t people just stick to the rules and not decide they’re above them? I mean I know why, partygate etc. But still. It’s upsetting.

Wheelz46 · 28/01/2022 13:10

It's awful, it really is awful, I feel for your son, I really do but morally you already know what the correct decision is. We have all had to make hard decisions in the last 2 years, kids missing school, missing parties etc, unfortunately that is way of life at the moment.

The comments on here have surprised me, if this was an adult, would you still have the same opinion, saying just go?

NuttyinNotts · 28/01/2022 13:10

Do you want to raise him to believe that it's ok to break rules for keeping people safe if they are inconvenient? This is about more than the risk to others that you would he causing, it's also about the moral education of your child. One might wonder what our Prime Minister's parents would have done in this situation...

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