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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants to take Covid Positive son out for the day….

999 replies

DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 12:39

I’m in such a quandary.

Me, DH and DS (aged 7) tested positive last week.

DH was ill for a few days but was back at work on Day 7 after two negative LFTs.

I’m on Day 7 and my line is now starting to fade. I’ve been asymptomatic throughout.

DS is on Day 6, he has also been completely asymptomatic but his LFT is still positive.

My quandary is this…

DS and DH have got tickets to go to an event tomorrow that DS been looking forward to for about 6 months and this morning (after his latest LFT) we had to break the news to him that he wouldn’t be able to go and he was absolutely devastated. He started crying and it broke my heart.

He asked me if he could still go if he promised not to eat all day so he didn’t have to open his mouth and I just wanted to cry Sad

Everything is a 1000 times worse because he’s absolutely fine, he’s not ill at all and it seems so unfair on him. This event is something that means a lot to him and his dad and I’m genuinely gutted that the positive LFT means he can’t go.

However, my problem is that my DH has just phoned me and said that he wants to take our son anyway as the event is outdoors and DH said he doesn’t want to DS to miss out on something that means a lot to him when he’s perfectly well. DH said that if we repeat the LFT in the morning and it’s faint then he’s going to take DS on the trip.

I feel so torn. I know it’s awful because I really do know that if he’s LFT positive he shouldn’t go, but as a mother of a distraught little boy it’s so hard to be the bad guy.

Do I need to put a stop to this?

Or would it be ok to just hand control over to DH and say “I don’t agree with what you’re doing but I physically can’t stop you taking him.”

I hate Covid.

I don’t know what to do or what to say to DH.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
truthfullylying · 28/01/2022 12:52

This is so sad. I would feel very sad about this too. I'm useless in terms of advice but just wanted to say I really feel for all our kids, it's been awful.

Cheesewiz · 28/01/2022 12:53

I would let him take him

ittakes2 · 28/01/2022 12:53

Do you not think we have all had dilemmas like this? Things our children or family could not do after testing positive? It’s not only a consideration you would be breaking the law - it’s a test of your moral compass. Being outside does not make it ok - it just reduces the risk, but a seven year old is less likely to socially distance or be careful with hand washing. Regardless of that mumsent says - there will be friends and family who will know you took out a covid positive child and done won’t care but others will think less of you.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/01/2022 12:53

If he's still testing positive I wouldn't let him go to an event other people will be at, tbh. A walk in the country nowhere near other people, fine. But if he's going to be in a crowd? No.

IlIlI · 28/01/2022 12:54

I think it depends. Mine had the same situation, and it's not something we will likely to ever be able to do again, but it was indoors and there will be close contact so we chose not to.
I suppose if it's outside, not being close to anybody etc might be ok. Maybe? I don't know. On one hand they say "everybody will get it eventually" so why not, but on the other hand you don't know if the one person, or 2 people who catch it from you won't die from it or go home to a cev relative who still tries to shield.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/01/2022 12:54

Would he wear a mask?

MazzleDazzle · 28/01/2022 12:55

Crikey, not the usual responses you get on MN! I’m with everyone else though. Let him go.

If tomorrow is day 7 I’d let him go. I’d do an LF in the morning and tell him he’s clear even if he wasn’t! - I’d do this so that your DS can go with a clear conscience.

BogRollBOGOF · 28/01/2022 12:55

Outdoors and low-contact with people, I'd let him go.

Indoors or very crowded (e.g. football match) I wouldn't as the spreading risks go up .

If he's been assmptomatic, he'll have been shedding far less virus than a symptomatic person anyway.

nongnangning · 28/01/2022 12:55

Oh dear this is a tough one.

And I say this from the position of sitting on the sofa in my dressing gown with actual sympomatic Covid as I write.

On the one hand epidemiology is epidemiology. There's a potential risk of spreading.

On the other hand most of us are vaxxed now and anyone who's chosen not to vax can take their chances (IMO)

On the other hand again Boris Johnson, Dominic Cummings and all their stupid behaviour indicating Covid rules were just for the little people anyway.

I think your personal position here should be that it's your DH who's the one breaking the rules here not you - and it should be him worrying about it on MN, not you (which clearly he isn't)

More practically - can he wear a mask to the outdoors event or is he too little (but will your DH let him take the mask off once he's out of your sight anyway)?

DropYourSword · 28/01/2022 12:55

I'd let him go too.

LakeShoreD · 28/01/2022 12:56

It’s outdoors and low contact so if he gets a negative test tonight or tomorrow then I’d definitely let him go. If he’s still positive then I’d probably keep him home but it’s really difficult how hard it’s been on kids. I certainly wouldn’t judge if you chose to take him because how infectious can he really be on day by 7 with no symptoms?

alpaca44 · 28/01/2022 12:56

@LargeYorkshirePuddingAndGravy

The reason you're in this situation is because someone with covid was out and about and so your family got it.

If you allow your son to go you're likely to pass this situation onto someone else.

He shouldn't go. It's shit but it's the way it is.

I agree with this.
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 28/01/2022 12:56

I would go if negative tomo, is it’s clearly positive I wouldn’t

Original poster
DontWantTheRivalry · 28/01/2022 12:56

…..I’d let him go. but id tell him to wear a mask.

When he asked if he could go if he promised not to eat all day he also said that he’d wear two masks and put his hands on top of the masks “so no breath can come out”.

I asked him how he was planning on breathing if he did that and he said “I will just breathe a little bit by moving a finger but I won’t breathe as much as I normally would.”

(He still had tears in my eyes when he was telling me this. It’s like he was begging me) Sad

It’s heartbreaking Sad

I so, so want to let him go but morally I just feel like I can’t go along with it.

OP posts:
Needacuppanow · 28/01/2022 12:56

I'd let him go too. How many asymptomatic people are wandering around?!

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 28/01/2022 12:57

@DontWantTheRivalry

Make a decision tomorrow, may be negative 🤞🏽🤞🏽

AnneElliott · 28/01/2022 12:57

Is it outside? If so I'd let him go. Plus do another test in the morning.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 28/01/2022 12:58

I would let him go if he wore a mask. I say this as someone who has been sticking to the rules throughout.

tackling · 28/01/2022 12:58

It's not a tough one for me.

He's infected with a contagious disease. Unless he will be several metres away from everyone, not touching stuff, not going to the toilet etc, never breathing into someone else's space, then he could easily pass it on to someone else.

Also seems mad to me that you'd teach him the message "oh well if you really REALLY want something then the rules don't apply after all".

tackling · 28/01/2022 12:59

Clearly though I am in a minority!

Staryflight445 · 28/01/2022 12:59

Your child is asymptomatic, but he can still spread it whilst he is testing positive.
Another child/parent may not be so lucky with their symptoms.

You can’t leave isolation until you’ve had 2 negative LFTS.
Outside or not, where are your morals?

TheVolturi · 28/01/2022 12:59

Id let him go and I'm so pleased that at the moment most of mn agree!

trumpisagit · 28/01/2022 13:00

Definitely let your well child go to the outdoor event.
Would he wear a mask, if close to other people?
I think it would be cruel to not let him go, just don't tell anyone.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 28/01/2022 13:01

Let him go!

ohfook · 28/01/2022 13:01

Just let him go. If he's asymptomatic he'd never have even realised he had it if he hadn't tested. Also people who have it don't spread it to all and sundry. Most only give it to one or two other people within two days prior to starting showing symptoms and five days after so he's very unlikely to pass it to anyone anyway.