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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding in a popular coffeeshop

344 replies

Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 17:34

Ok - so I am entirely prepared to be told IBU and precious. Don't hold back - be my sounding board please MN. I've recently complained to a popular coffeeshop about this incident but I wanted to check here what others think.

I have a ebf five month old baby and a toddler under 2. I tend to spend all day out and about as it's just so much easier than being couped up in the house. Recently I was in a shopping centre - toddler ds was asleep in the pram and baby dd was in the sling and was making it known quite clearly that she needed fed. I was near a popular coffeeshop, which had two tables available - other cafes were all full. As I got in the queue others joined behind me and bagged the free tables - one man put his coat and bag on one and the other had her husband go and sit there. I accept that I could have turned around and spoken to them but this felt a bit confrontational and felt awkward.

When I got to the barista I explained the situation and said I needed to feed my baby and that was really the only reason I was buying a coffee - essentially to 'purchase' a table. The man apologised politely and said there was nothing he could do but I could get a takeaway coffee and sit on a bench. I know many new mums find feeding in public a hugely anxiety inducing issue and I totally understand why. It's extremely stressful having a baby scream at you while you try to latch in a discrete way.

As luck would have it, someone finished up at this point and left - so I did have a table. However, surely it's not just bf mothers inconvenienced by this kind of dog eat dog system where first come first served is not abided by? Those with mobility issues must find it similarly stressful when people behind them rudely nab a table and avoid eye contact with those ahead in the queue.

The coffeeshop in question responded to my message with a token of goodwill of 3 free coffees. So... aibu? Could they have handled this better? Should I pursue it further? Or is three free coffees a sufficient response to this issue?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 27/01/2022 17:37

Oh fgs you actually complained about people bagging a table?

saltedcaramelanything · 27/01/2022 17:37

What do you think a coffee shop could do to change it? It's not a restaurant. I'm not sure you can reasonably expect anything else

Aimee1987 · 27/01/2022 17:38

I'm sorry but no you dont have the right to a table any more than the person behind you. How do you know they didnt have a hidden disability? What did you expect the guy behind the counter to do? Come out and boot someone else off a table?

There are cafes that do seated food but you choose somewhere that didnt. 🤷‍♀️

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/01/2022 17:38

Hmm it’s a tricky one imo- I understand why the server didn’t feel he could ask the other paying customers. If it was a restaurant you couldn’t ask customers to move.

TruffleShuffles · 27/01/2022 17:39

What did you expect the barista to do? Kick a paying customer off a table?

Chickychoccyegg · 27/01/2022 17:39

It was worth mentioning at the time, not worth pursuing any further.
Be happy with your 3 free coffees

TicTacHoh · 27/01/2022 17:41

I accept that I could have turned around and spoken to them but this felt a bit confrontational and felt awkward.

Yabu. What could you have said to them? You could have been in for takeaway for all anyone knew. I used to put the pram beside a table and then queue like everyone else

FelicityBeedle · 27/01/2022 17:41

It doesn’t sound a large location, if you needed to bagsy a table couldn’t you have left the pram by the one you wanted? The coffee shop would rather two paying customers than one, so I don’t see why they should favour you.

Freecuthbert · 27/01/2022 17:41

You're not unreasonable for feeling put out because of the situation, but you're being unreasonable for expecting the coffee shop to do something about it. What are they meant to do, kick people out? You don't know the reasons other people have gone to the coffee shop, they could have been just as important as your reasons. One of the people who nabbed a table could have had a mobility issue and needed to sit down. You really don't know. You could have asked people to move yourself and you chose not to. But you got a table anyway as well as 3 free drinks, so what else do you want from this situation?

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2022 17:42

I don’t know what he could have done differently though - the other people were also paying for their tables.

XenoBitch · 27/01/2022 17:42

Pretty entitled to think you can rock up to a café and use a table without actually buying anything. Buying a drink does also not guarantee you a table.

MrsTophamHat · 27/01/2022 17:42

Sorry, I don't think you have any more right to a table than any other customer.

esloquehay · 27/01/2022 17:43

YABU. There's nothing wrong with getting a table before purchasing coffee. Nothing.

twominutesmore · 27/01/2022 17:43

If I'm with someone else, one of us bags a table.

If I'm by myself, I have to take my chances.

In a coffee shop, I think it's par for the course really. You didn't deserve a table any more than one of the other customers. Maybe the husband sat down because he felt unwell.

TrashyPanda · 27/01/2022 17:43

That was really generous of the coffee shop to give you that.

I’m unsure what they could have done. They can’t turf folk out of their seats, can they?

You don’t know if any of the people at tables were disabled, because disability comes in many forms.

If you are with another adult in a busy cafe, it’s completely normal for one person to sit at a table while the other queues. Wouldn’t you have done that if there had been another person with you?

I don’t think having to wait a few minutes for a seat in Starbucks really signifies a dog eat dog world.

Justwingingit2005 · 27/01/2022 17:44

I hate those who grab tables before they've brought anything.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/01/2022 17:45

If there's no table free, there's no table free. The server can't knit one, or boot the existing table-holders off.

twominutesmore · 27/01/2022 17:45

I think they were very generous to give you three free coffees. I'd have told you YWBU.

DaffodilDandilion · 27/01/2022 17:45

If you can’t beat ‘me join ‘em!

I dislike the whole table reserving thing but spent a couple of years overseas where’s it’s the done thing to hold a table with something as simple as a packet of tissues. Next time, pop your own coat down on a table and then queue!

Original poster
Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 17:46

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served. I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one.

OP posts:
givemepiece · 27/01/2022 17:46

Blimey YABUandEntitled

gobbledygoook · 27/01/2022 17:46

If I'm with someone, one of us will grab a table (what's the point of two of us standing in a queue!), if I'm alone I keep my fingers crossed.

Tbh buying a drink doesn't give you any right to have use of a table - buying a drink gets you a drink in those sorts of places. I think the barista was doing what they could and gave a solution to the issue. I'm not sure why the chain offered you free drinks tbh!

Pumperthepumper · 27/01/2022 17:47

I hate when entire groups of people join the queue when they’re all sitting and paying together anyway.

Freecuthbert · 27/01/2022 17:47

@Caramelnipple

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served. I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one.
What makes you think you need the table more than anyone else though? Do you know random strangers' medical history etc? And how were people meant to infer that you needed a table so you could breastfeed?
JSL52 · 27/01/2022 17:47

@Caramelnipple

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served. I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one.
How did the other customers know you needed a table ?
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