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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding in a popular coffeeshop

344 replies

Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 17:34

Ok - so I am entirely prepared to be told IBU and precious. Don't hold back - be my sounding board please MN. I've recently complained to a popular coffeeshop about this incident but I wanted to check here what others think.

I have a ebf five month old baby and a toddler under 2. I tend to spend all day out and about as it's just so much easier than being couped up in the house. Recently I was in a shopping centre - toddler ds was asleep in the pram and baby dd was in the sling and was making it known quite clearly that she needed fed. I was near a popular coffeeshop, which had two tables available - other cafes were all full. As I got in the queue others joined behind me and bagged the free tables - one man put his coat and bag on one and the other had her husband go and sit there. I accept that I could have turned around and spoken to them but this felt a bit confrontational and felt awkward.

When I got to the barista I explained the situation and said I needed to feed my baby and that was really the only reason I was buying a coffee - essentially to 'purchase' a table. The man apologised politely and said there was nothing he could do but I could get a takeaway coffee and sit on a bench. I know many new mums find feeding in public a hugely anxiety inducing issue and I totally understand why. It's extremely stressful having a baby scream at you while you try to latch in a discrete way.

As luck would have it, someone finished up at this point and left - so I did have a table. However, surely it's not just bf mothers inconvenienced by this kind of dog eat dog system where first come first served is not abided by? Those with mobility issues must find it similarly stressful when people behind them rudely nab a table and avoid eye contact with those ahead in the queue.

The coffeeshop in question responded to my message with a token of goodwill of 3 free coffees. So... aibu? Could they have handled this better? Should I pursue it further? Or is three free coffees a sufficient response to this issue?

OP posts:
poliif · 27/01/2022 17:47

OP: AIBU
Everyone: YES
OP: but but but

TicTacHoh · 27/01/2022 17:48

Classic AIBU - Yes

OP - no I'm not....

gobbledygoook · 27/01/2022 17:48

@Caramelnipple

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served. I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one.
How would someone know you quite clearly needed one? You could have been getting a takeaway coffee and going on a walk etc. You also don't know if the people behind you clearly needed one 🤷🏻‍♀️
MajorCarolDanvers · 27/01/2022 17:48

This has got nothing to do with breastfeeding. Its about queueing. I can't believe you managed to con the coffee shop out of free coffees.

You are a total CF!

XenoBitch · 27/01/2022 17:48

@Caramelnipple

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served. I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one.
So you have the ability to know if the person in the queue in front of you needs a table? If you want to 'reserve' a table in a cafe, you put your stuff on the chairs/table, or you get someone to sit there for you. That has been the way in cafes since the dinosaurs.
TicTacHoh · 27/01/2022 17:48

Also I think I would potentially give up a table for a new mum with a tiny screaming newborn. A five month old... not so much

22Newnames · 27/01/2022 17:48

YABU. I am a big fan of bf in public and the right to do so. That doesn’t mean you deserve to bagsy a table over other people though.

AffIt · 27/01/2022 17:49

No - your right to sit down doesn't come above anybody else's.

For all you know, any of those claiming tables could have invisible disabilities such as fibromyalgia, heart disease, CFS etc.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/01/2022 17:49

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served

It is, isn't it? You could bag a table by draping a coat over one seat and leaving a book or something on the table. I share your reluctance to do so, and I also judge people who hold tables empty in a crowded cafe but....I don't blame the cafe staff.

Somebodylikeyew · 27/01/2022 17:50

It’s annoying but I don’t think they were at fault and so your three free coffees were pretty good of them!

Some ideas for the future that might help:
Pick a cafe with table service, or
Arrive a bit earlier so you’re settled before feed is due, or
Save the table with your buggy and coat before joining the queue

Glitterygreen · 27/01/2022 17:50

Sorry OP but I'd say whoever gets to the table first is fair and is 'first come first served' really. Next time you will know to leave your own coat/bag on the table while you queue.

The people nabbing the tables weren't to know that you hadn't just come in for a takeaway coffee.

If you were walking round with a tray full of drinks/food then I'd say they were rude for not letting you have it, but that wasn't the case.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/01/2022 17:50

It seems to be worse than ever tbh. I’m a coffee shop manager and Saturday afternoons are spent matching people at the front of the queue to cleared tables before people joining the back of the queue bag them!

worriedatthemoment · 27/01/2022 17:50

They are first come first sit as such though , just how they are .

MilduraS · 27/01/2022 17:50

I only go to busy coffee shops when I'm with someone for this reason. The stress of being stood there with nowhere to sit is too much. I wish people couldn't grab tables before they'd been served but it is what it is.

FrostedCupcakes · 27/01/2022 17:52

YABU and entitled.

CovidForChristmas · 27/01/2022 17:53

Could you not have placed a coat/bag/pushchair next to the table? Your older child was asleep and I’m assuming you could see the tables, hence how you knew someone else had ‘bagged’ them.

I know what you mean about the breastfeeding issue, it can be difficult and uncomfortable at times but I don’t know what you wanted the poor person working there to do? Ask someone else to move? Have a go at the people behind you?

Considering you got a table immediately anyhow, isn’t it a non-issue?

You got 3 free coffees for complaining, I think that’s generous under the circumstances.

TheDuchessOfBeddington · 27/01/2022 17:54

I work in hospitality but our restaurant takes reservations. When parents book and tell us they have a baby we will allocate them a quiet secluded table with space for a pram etc, so for example a four top for 2 people plus small person. I will do anything possible to ensure they have what they need while they are with us.

But in your example the cafe doesn’t have a door host to do this, so their staff would have been unable to help you by moving the cheeky fucker queue jumping guests.

Sorry OP, I think they were rude as hell but YABU if you think the cafe staff could of helped. At least you did get a table in the end! Flowers

itwasntaparty · 27/01/2022 17:55

@Caramelnipple

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served. I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one.
You don't have any more right than anyone else. Maybe they couldn't stand and needed to sit down, maybe they were diabetic and needed to eat and prepare insulin, maybe, maybe, maybe.

You could have been getting a take out.

mynameiscalypso · 27/01/2022 17:57

@Caramelnipple

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served. I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one.
But didn't one of the other people in the queue do exactly that? I'd have probably just put my coat at one of the tables and parked my toddler there.
FrankGrillosWrist · 27/01/2022 17:57

I would’ve given up my table for you as I wouldn’t like to see you struggling with 2 kids. However, you shouldn’t expect this, you did well to get 3 coffees out of it.

Dixiechickonhols · 27/01/2022 17:57

I don’t think it’s a breastfeeding issue more a bagging a table issue. I wouldn’t buy a drink in a busy case without a table. If etiquette in that cafe is to bagsie first then you should have done that - left coat on chair and parked pram up.
If it’s a don’t take a table before got drink set up with signs then just sit in bagsied chair (move their coat) and ignore person who comes after - that was my chair - point to sign.

DappledThings · 27/01/2022 17:57

Cafe have done nothing wrong. But I would have just sat down and fed before queueing up if your baby was that desperate. Probably would have spent some money there once I had free hands to do so but would have no issue nabbing a seat myself when needs must.

That or just asked someone if I could use a spate seat at their table.

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/01/2022 17:57

You could have just slung your coat on a seat, or you could have just asked someone if they’d mind moving for you - lots of people would be quite happy to - but it’s their choice.

But it’s not the Barista’s job to fight your battles for you, or to throw corporate weight behind your request (not that a barista has any, but presume that’s what you were thinking).

Having a baby doesn’t jump you in front of the queue, other customers also need to sit down because they are frazzled from working all day.

If you want a guaranteed table go to a restaurant or stay home some of the day.

pinkyredrose · 27/01/2022 17:58

I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one

How could they possibly know that you clearly needed a table?

I hate when entire groups of people join the queue when they’re all sitting and paying together anyway

Exactly

TheOccupier · 27/01/2022 17:58

I don't think breastfeeding gives you a greater entitlement to a seat/table, but as someone who's alone more often than not when I go to a cafe, people bagging tables before ordering is one of my pet hates and I wish cafes didn't allow it. So regardless of BF, YANBU.