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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Breastfeeding in a popular coffeeshop

344 replies

Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 17:34

Ok - so I am entirely prepared to be told IBU and precious. Don't hold back - be my sounding board please MN. I've recently complained to a popular coffeeshop about this incident but I wanted to check here what others think.

I have a ebf five month old baby and a toddler under 2. I tend to spend all day out and about as it's just so much easier than being couped up in the house. Recently I was in a shopping centre - toddler ds was asleep in the pram and baby dd was in the sling and was making it known quite clearly that she needed fed. I was near a popular coffeeshop, which had two tables available - other cafes were all full. As I got in the queue others joined behind me and bagged the free tables - one man put his coat and bag on one and the other had her husband go and sit there. I accept that I could have turned around and spoken to them but this felt a bit confrontational and felt awkward.

When I got to the barista I explained the situation and said I needed to feed my baby and that was really the only reason I was buying a coffee - essentially to 'purchase' a table. The man apologised politely and said there was nothing he could do but I could get a takeaway coffee and sit on a bench. I know many new mums find feeding in public a hugely anxiety inducing issue and I totally understand why. It's extremely stressful having a baby scream at you while you try to latch in a discrete way.

As luck would have it, someone finished up at this point and left - so I did have a table. However, surely it's not just bf mothers inconvenienced by this kind of dog eat dog system where first come first served is not abided by? Those with mobility issues must find it similarly stressful when people behind them rudely nab a table and avoid eye contact with those ahead in the queue.

The coffeeshop in question responded to my message with a token of goodwill of 3 free coffees. So... aibu? Could they have handled this better? Should I pursue it further? Or is three free coffees a sufficient response to this issue?

OP posts:
thebigpurpleone · 27/01/2022 18:13

Cheeky fucker

Somethingsnappy · 27/01/2022 18:14

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea

No way is OP ever coming back to this thread is she?
Be brave and come back, OP! Some of us have been quite sympathetic!
PigeonLittle · 27/01/2022 18:14

I cannot get into the idea you get a table after you order. If there's no where to sit down I dont want to order! I will bagsy a table.

DappledThings · 27/01/2022 18:15

For future reference, the only way I could do it was with a breastfeeding top which sort of opened around the boob area with a hidden compartment. And secondly, baby can feed upright! They don't need to lay to one side....feels well weird though
Ah, too late for me I'm afraid. BF days are sadly behind me. I'm still trying to imagine it though and still can't figure out how to bend my breast around to meet the mouth regardless of the baby's head position. I should have experimented more.

Pancakeorcrepe · 27/01/2022 18:15

Yabu and entitled.

Mountaingoat12 · 27/01/2022 18:15

I hate it when people bagsy tables. It really isn’t on. Someone who has bought something and is standing there with it in their hands has way more right to a table than someone waiting on somebody behind that person to be served!

PurpleDaisies · 27/01/2022 18:17

Breastfeeding is a red herring here. This is about reserving a table. It pissed me off too because I often work in coffee shops alone.

Bahhhhhumbug · 27/01/2022 18:17

Nothing to do with breastfeeding, do you really expect a group of four to all queue up together and pay together. Ridiculous, of course they're going to sit down. As for taking a table when someone else clearly needs one l doubt they even took any notice of who else was in the queue.
Some cafes used to have a sign saying 'please purchase your food before taking your seat' or similar but not often seen these days. Even then l think it's just a polite request and never enforced because as pp have pointed out someone in the party may need to sit down.

hangrylady · 27/01/2022 18:17

YABU. I thought you were going to say they asked you not to breastfeed!

Original poster
Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 18:18

@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea Ha! Pretty happy to come back - I'm big enough to be told I'm wrong. Thanks for all of the replies - apparently IABU! I guess I've always thought of it as rude to bag a table before buying anything. But, hey - apparently not!

OP posts:
SouthOfFrance · 27/01/2022 18:18

Can you explain why you also couldn't just nab a seat? I know you said you were on your own but did you not have a jumper/coat/pushchair you could have put on the back of the seat or near the table to mark it as reserved?

I feel like you don't know the unwritten rules of coffee shoo etiquette - get your seat reserved first or you are taking your chances.

Amazing you got 3 free coffees though! Worth writing the email complaint for Grin

SparkleTwinkle101 · 27/01/2022 18:19

Surely the fact that you ebf is irrelevant to this argument. Would be the same if you bottle fed and wanted a table when you were out alone surely? Anyway YABU

PrivateHall · 27/01/2022 18:19

@Caramelnipple

My point is I was on my own and couldn't go nab a seat - it's hardly first come first served. I just think it's very rude to go grab a table when someone ahead of you quite clearly needs one.
I would imagine they will have assumed you either didn't need a table or already had nabbed one. They couldn't have known you hadn't surely? To be honest, I wouldn't order in a coffee shop if I couldn't be sure of a table, I always grab a table first then order so I am afraid I would have done what all the other people did. Who wants to queue up and order only to find they have nowhere to sit and eat the food they just bought?

Your op was very politely worded and I would say you are a lovely person, but I do think yabu here - sorry! I also don't think it has anything to do with breastfeeding like your title suggests.

skippy67 · 27/01/2022 18:20

YABU. Why do you think you had a greater need for a table than they did?! You're lucky they gave you vouchers for your non inconvenience.

Original poster
Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 18:20

I do think quite a few pp have misunderstood though - I didn't expect anyone to give up their table. I expected people to respect the fact that those ahead in the queue should have priority wrt tables.

And I've worked in hospitality - I would certainly have politely explained the situation to someone plonked at a table without buying anything.

OP posts:
NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 27/01/2022 18:22

Yanbu for being fed up but (kindly) yabu for expecting the barista to fix it. Just one of those annoying things.

I don't like the table-bagsying thing either - I've often been in a similar position to you (one adult, kid/s not big enough to grab a table for me) and you do get a bum deal (also true as a lone adult of course, but generally on my own I'm happier to switch to takeaway, loiter a while, or change plans completely- all less easy with sprogs in tow). I wish people wouldn't do it.

MN often thinks it's normal, and ridiculous to do otherwise ("would you rather have big groups holding up the queue?"), but that doesn't fix things for someone in the position you were in today! I often assume the posters insisting on this are in more suburban/town type places too, where customer turnover is slower and theft is less prevalent. I wouldn't leave any of my belongings to hold a table for me.

Somethingsnappy · 27/01/2022 18:23

[quote Caramelnipple]@SliceOfCakeCupOfTea Ha! Pretty happy to come back - I'm big enough to be told I'm wrong. Thanks for all of the replies - apparently IABU! I guess I've always thought of it as rude to bag a table before buying anything. But, hey - apparently not![/quote]
Don't worry, this thread has been eye-opening for me too, OP! I always thought it was rude too, but I get the point now that some PP have made about why bagsy-ing might be necessary.

PurpleDaisies · 27/01/2022 18:24

What do you really expect couples to do? Both queue so neither of them can sit down?

EarringsandLipstick · 27/01/2022 18:25

@Justwingingit2005

I hate those who grab tables before they've brought anything.
Me too. It's really rude.

I don't do it, I get your frustration OP, but I don't think there's anything either you or the coffee shop can do.

Original poster
Caramelnipple · 27/01/2022 18:26

Ok - @SouthOfFrance - I wasn't going to leave the pram with my sleeping toddler in - the till is not visible from where the tables were. I had my phone and keys in my coat so didn't want to leave that, though I suppose I could have left the change bag. I'll do that in the future.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 27/01/2022 18:26

@MajorCarolDanvers

This has got nothing to do with breastfeeding. Its about queueing. I can't believe you managed to con the coffee shop out of free coffees.

You are a total CF!

That's a really nasty comment

OP didn't con them out of anything.

XenoBitch · 27/01/2022 18:27

@Caramelnipple

I do think quite a few pp have misunderstood though - I didn't expect anyone to give up their table. I expected people to respect the fact that those ahead in the queue should have priority wrt tables.

And I've worked in hospitality - I would certainly have politely explained the situation to someone plonked at a table without buying anything.

But some people in the queue are getting a take away, so no need for a table. I don't give any thought to the people in front of me when I am waiting to be served.

There is a cafe near me that has 'reserved' signs that you can take and put on a table prior to joining the queue. It has always worked really well.

Toottooot · 27/01/2022 18:27

FFS They should have an exclusive area reserved especially for mothers needing to feed. Not feeding no entry. 🙄🙄
You got 3 free coffees - what more do you want.

DysmalRadius · 27/01/2022 18:29

I don't think anyone has misunderstood you - they just don't agree that bagging a table is a problem in this scenario for a variety of reasons.

Bananarama21 · 27/01/2022 18:29

My mam would be the type to sit at the table where I went to queue. She can't stand for a prolonged period walks for a stick and is diabetic. You have no idea and so entitled.