To remind Ex-MIL of ExHs role in parenting?

[Negative12hoursthenPositive]

ExH has contact with DD for 24 hours EOW. He takes her back to his parents despite not living with them, that’s his choice and I never got involved. It has obviously caused issues during lockdowns etc as he refuses to to take DD to his own house.

Both Ex-PILs are immunosuppressed for different reasons. There’s been a huge outbreak of covid in DDs class so I was testing her daily due to that but then been doing extra tests (2 times a day) in the 48 hours before contact.

DD tested positive on Monday at 5am (she’d woken up feeling awful and insisted on a test). I’d tested her less than 12 hours earlier (6pm) when she came back from contact and she was negative, not even a faint line on the test.

Ex-FIL has now tested positive.

Ex-MIL has sent me a huge ranty text telling me I am disgusting, I knew they were vulnerable and yet I still insist on contact for a break from her and I must have known DD was positive before she went to contact. Apparently this is further evidence that DD should be living with them as I can’t “risk assess or think of anyone but myself”.

Apart from the fact that I feel like I hardly see DD in term time due to contact and school and after school activities (that I wouldn’t stop as DD loves them) so would never expect a break from her, WIBU to point out that ExH knew the risks? He’s on the school mailing and test message lists just like me, he gets the same close contact emails and reminders about daily tests as I do. He is also on the class whatsapp group like me and knows that the girl DD sits next to (she’s sat next to the same child for all of Year 1 and since Year 2 started) tested positive on Friday, after DD had sat next to her all day. He knew the risk and has cancelled contact before when he felt the risk to his parents was too high.

There’s a CAO in place, the judge decided the level of contact for ExH not me or ExH. We’ve been back to court once since the order was made over another issue which Ex-MIL also blames me for.

So WIBU to reply to Ex-MIL and remind her of her sons role in all this? I’ve kept more than my side of the bargain when I agreed to test DD twice a day in the 48 hours before contact. I promise she was negative before she went and 12 hours before she tested positive. I would never let my covid positive child go to school/contact/activities.

Also WWYD about this going forwards if I am going to be blamed?

@Lulu49

Did you register all the LFT? If you did you will have evidence of that in text or email form or both. You could send that to her to prove you were doing your bit regarding keeping them safe. Also tell them it’s her dads choice to take her to their house instead of his. Why does he do that by the way? Do you know?

She doesn't need to do any of this as these are her EX-inlaws. She is no longer connected to the inlaws anymore. Also, she has responded (you might know this if you had read the OP's posts) and received a reply back.

Can I ask why you have not blocked the monster in law yet? She sounds vile I’m not surprised that her son was abusive after being brought up with that! Because of derogatory remarks from my ex I completely blocked him and any text have to go through my mum, don’t let her get away with this let her know your blocking her and why and if she tries to go through your son then have her done for harassment. X

It really bothers me that her attitude is that you wanted a “break”. That must be really annoying. This time is for your DD to see her Dad and have some time and relationship with him (and then by proxy). You have to wonder if they want your DD there, it seems to be seen as doing you a favour, rather than time with their own DGD? That’s so strange!

@diddl

Is there anyway you can use the email to stop your twat of an ex taking your daughter to his horrible mother's?

Omg no wonder they are all “exes”. I think this sounds like a good thought although it’s puzzling that Ex DH always takes DD to parents. Sounds like they never got him separated from them and therefore he almost acts as their child and DDs brother. Quite common with men it seems. The main consideration being DD well done for keeping to school retention. so they have no thought of their grandchild’s wellbeing . Moving schools especially a local one is difficult even in reasonable circumstances. For DDs sake stay polite ignore when you can. Keep a deadly paper trail it sounds like you may be in court again. Obviously you are not being unreasonable.

Sorry for lack of update. I got a positive LFT and have felt awful.

Unfortunately DDs now quite poorly with a chest infection and tonsillitis as a result of having covid so my minds not really been on Ex-PILs.

Haven’t replied but heard through the grapevine (I have friends who work with ExH) that ex-FIL has had an antibody infusion or something, he’s been quite ill with it but is on the mend now and seems to be doing better than DD is.

Haven’t blocked Ex-MIL just because she doesn’t usually bother me at all bar the occasional message like in my OP to insult me, she has been asking about DD via ExH (I can see that much on ExHs Facebook) so I do think it was more fear for Ex-FIL rather than lack of care for me or DD.

She probably does most of the care for DD on ExHs weekends anyway as DD always comes back saying “Grandma took me for a walk” “Grandma washed my hair in the shower when I got wet in the rain” “Grandma made sausages for tea” etc. ExH is one of those dads who turns up when the goings good but is nowhere to be seen when the goings get bad/ill and of course Ex-Mil projects onto me by telling me I don’t involve ExH in DDs life.

I probably won’t come back anymore or use this username again. I feel the matter is resolved.

I hope you and DD recover quickly sounds like you are having a really rough time

Hope that you are both better soon.

I’d block her. She should go through her son re any issues.

I don't see how it's resolved from what you've said but I respect that it's your business.

I hope you're both better soon OP

@TrufflesAndToast

‘Dear ex MiL, I do understand that it’s easier to paint me as the villain of the piece rather than face up to the fact that your son is a feckless loser who chooses to take his daughter to his vulnerable parents’ house every week because he can’t be bothered to look after her for even 24 hours himself. It must particularly sting that he knew how high risk she was for covid, from all the many pieces of information he has had from school about the issue, and yet he still chose to put you at risk. It must be mortifying and hurtful for you, I understand that and would feel the same if my child turned out so awful. But I cannot allow you to direct that rage at me, the one decent and present parent that DD has, any longer and will be blocking your number. Might I suggest that in future you allow yourself to put your grandchild’s interests first before harassing and abusing her mother with no justification. Otherwise it almost starts to look like (feckless father) learnt his own appalling behaviour from you. Warmest wishes, best regards etc etc’

Perfect answer.