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AIBU?

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Original poster

To remind Ex-MIL of ExHs role in parenting?

310 replies

Negative12hoursthenPositive · 27/01/2022 13:58

ExH has contact with DD for 24 hours EOW. He takes her back to his parents despite not living with them, that’s his choice and I never got involved. It has obviously caused issues during lockdowns etc as he refuses to to take DD to his own house.

Both Ex-PILs are immunosuppressed for different reasons. There’s been a huge outbreak of covid in DDs class so I was testing her daily due to that but then been doing extra tests (2 times a day) in the 48 hours before contact.

DD tested positive on Monday at 5am (she’d woken up feeling awful and insisted on a test). I’d tested her less than 12 hours earlier (6pm) when she came back from contact and she was negative, not even a faint line on the test.

Ex-FIL has now tested positive.

Ex-MIL has sent me a huge ranty text telling me I am disgusting, I knew they were vulnerable and yet I still insist on contact for a break from her and I must have known DD was positive before she went to contact. Apparently this is further evidence that DD should be living with them as I can’t “risk assess or think of anyone but myself”.

Apart from the fact that I feel like I hardly see DD in term time due to contact and school and after school activities (that I wouldn’t stop as DD loves them) so would never expect a break from her, WIBU to point out that ExH knew the risks? He’s on the school mailing and test message lists just like me, he gets the same close contact emails and reminders about daily tests as I do. He is also on the class whatsapp group like me and knows that the girl DD sits next to (she’s sat next to the same child for all of Year 1 and since Year 2 started) tested positive on Friday, after DD had sat next to her all day. He knew the risk and has cancelled contact before when he felt the risk to his parents was too high.

There’s a CAO in place, the judge decided the level of contact for ExH not me or ExH. We’ve been back to court once since the order was made over another issue which Ex-MIL also blames me for.

So WIBU to reply to Ex-MIL and remind her of her sons role in all this? I’ve kept more than my side of the bargain when I agreed to test DD twice a day in the 48 hours before contact. I promise she was negative before she went and 12 hours before she tested positive. I would never let my covid positive child go to school/contact/activities.

Also WWYD about this going forwards if I am going to be blamed?

OP posts:
Flickflak · 28/01/2022 11:24

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

cstaff · 28/01/2022 11:28

As if she was ever going to admit to her perfect son being an irresponsible dad. That was all she could say as she had nothing factual that she could mention because you know if she had anything on you that she would be right back at you with whatever it might be. Just ignore.

DiscontinuedModelHusband · 28/01/2022 11:31

you're a better person than me, OP

not sure i could resist responding to that last message!

"no, not always someone else's fault - just one person's. though i understand why you don't want to examine that in much detail. denial is not just a river in egypt, apparently... xxx"

EKGEMS · 28/01/2022 11:37

You're better than me OP I'd have told her to drop dead. Twice.

Dartsplayer · 28/01/2022 11:45

And now time to block her. You don't need to be in contact with her only Ex to arrange contact

Blahblahblah40 · 28/01/2022 11:46

I would say absolutely nothing in reply. Your duty of care to your child is to stay in contact with your ex until she is able to herself, not his family. You are not to blame. He is.

MeridianB · 28/01/2022 12:20

What a vile piece of work. Please block her.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/01/2022 12:23

She wants you to rise to the bait. Don't. Deny her that pleasure. Ignore/air/block.

Santahasjoinedww · 28/01/2022 12:54

My exmil also never had a bad word to say about her abusive ds. Until he attacked her on her own front path. She was 60+ffs! Ils actually wrote him out of their will. Can't wait to hear how he takes that when their time comes!

Scrapper142 · 28/01/2022 12:59

Its probably best not to reply.

But the passive agressive devil on my shoulder is suggesting;

"Of course, never your sons fault with you isn't it?

I'm sat here chuckling as I tried to be coridal but as ever its a waste of time. As the saying goes its like wresting a pig, you both get covered in shit but the pig enjoys it.

I do not need a break from my daughter and as your son has yet to parent alone during contact I do not believe the court order is being applied correctly and will happily cover her care during this period. This therefore requires a review, however this is none of your concern.

I have no need to have contact with you, besides I don't need advice when your son is the net outcome of your parenting. Please delete my number as you have no need for it, I will do the same.

As I have said please do not contact me again, I'd consider this unreasonable contact and it will be noted."

Skeumorph · 28/01/2022 13:07

Oh dear, her desperate reply!

She KNOWS.

She will have read your polite, reasonable reply and felt as if her head was going to explode bacause she. knows.

She knows you're a better parent
She knows he comes to her so he doesn't have to bother
She knows it's his fault - how the fuck could it not be

You don't need to reply, your patient, kind answer would have been like being fed a cup of cold sick.

She knows full well what the picture is and she is fucking furious because the shitty parent, who was DENIED the contact they wanted by a JUDGE, is her child.

Revel in it, she deserves it.

NoVaxDjokovic · 28/01/2022 13:27

Personally I’d reply to her with “lol”

Simple and to the point. It’ll infuriate her because you haven’t bitten.

AryaStarkWolf · 28/01/2022 13:45

@Negative12hoursthenPositive

Sorry did say in my OP that my DD also has covid, she's worse at night so had to deal with her then went to bed myself once she was settled.

Reply was "Of course, always someone else's fault with you isn't it?"

I haven't replied, I ain't got time for more of their games when I've got a child to raise.

I didn't bring up the keeping her longer in court because that was what I and my solicitor originally offered and I've been told if he went back now thats the minimum time he'd get so it's not worth getting upset about something that would happen anyway. If he thinks it's bothering me he'd do it more or keep her even longer to bother me, if I shrug and say ok, he thinks it doesn't bother me so can't use it to control me.

I'd block her if i were you, you don't have to listen to that shit
RandomMess · 28/01/2022 13:55

Or the thumbs up sign and then block 👌

Eddielzzard · 28/01/2022 13:57

She loves goading you. Just can't resist it. She's spoiling for a fight so the best thing is to ignore. What a PITA tho

Sceptre86 · 28/01/2022 14:03

Ex mil should be ashamed for raising a feckless son. If her sorry excise of a son actually parented his child and had contact time at his own home this wouldn't be an issue. To lay blame on a young child or indeed you is so utterly wrong.

pictish · 28/01/2022 14:18

@Eddielzzard

She loves goading you. Just can't resist it. She's spoiling for a fight so the best thing is to ignore. What a PITA tho
This. It’s an aggravating as FUCK response so don’t fall for it.

I’d reply, “Ex decides where dd goes during contact. He knowingly put you and fil at risk. Stop bothering me with this shit.”

SituationCritical · 28/01/2022 14:26

She's got nowhere else to go with the accusations, that was all she could come up with as a final swipe to get the last word. I would have to do a thumbs up emoji and block, I couldn't resist. I would imagine deep down she is fully aware of her sons massive failings as a husband and father but can't stand to admit them. Let her brew in her own misplaced rage with her shitty son. Your life has been vastly improved without them it seems.

SituationCritical · 28/01/2022 14:27

Or I'd write "you keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better" and then block.

pictish · 28/01/2022 14:28

@SituationCritical

She's got nowhere else to go with the accusations, that was all she could come up with as a final swipe to get the last word. I would have to do a thumbs up emoji and block, I couldn't resist. I would imagine deep down she is fully aware of her sons massive failings as a husband and father but can't stand to admit them. Let her brew in her own misplaced rage with her shitty son. Your life has been vastly improved without them it seems.
This…a hundred times this.
RedToothBrush · 28/01/2022 14:43

"Of course, always someone else's fault with you isn't it?"

Reply:
All future correspondence re: DD must go through your son.

And block.

AryaStarkWolf · 28/01/2022 15:36

@RedToothBrush

"Of course, always someone else's fault with you isn't it?"

Reply:
All future correspondence re: DD must go through your son.

And block.

Yeah, perfect
2022success · 28/01/2022 15:36

Have you blocked her?

Iloveacurry · 28/01/2022 15:36

You should reply “And of course, for you, it’s always my fault not ExH”

ProudThrilledHappy · 28/01/2022 15:40

@RedToothBrush

"Of course, always someone else's fault with you isn't it?"

Reply:
All future correspondence re: DD must go through your son.

And block.

I would agree with this, clear and concise and when she realises she’s blocked she won’t be able to claim there was no warning or explanation