To ask what we'd put down as our marital status?

[Elsalvador]

With DH for 20 years. Not married and I don't want to turn this a debate about whether we should be or not :)

Looking for life insurance quotes, and the marital status is either married, single, divorced, separated, widowed or civil partnership. None of these fit. What would you put? I don't know whether this affects the premium displayed. Does anyone know? Thanks so much in advance

Whistpie Thanks for taking time to answer. Because we don’t want to register a civil partnership is of course your decision and you don’t feel you would benefit you practically or financially if you had the certificate to prove you were partners.

@Octomore

OP - the fact that you even needed to ask this question demonstrates that you are not remotely clued up about the legal implications associated with being unmarried vs being married.

Someone clued up about it would have known full well that they were legally single.

Marriage is a legal contract that gives the parties to the contract certain rights, protections, and liabilities. You have not entered into that contract, therefore none of them apply to you.

I totally agree, that has been exactly my point.

I don't know what "arrangements in place to deal with IHT" means - unless their assets are worth less than the threshold anyway or she has a fund from which to pay the tax.

I don't know what "arrangements in place to deal with IHT" means - unless their assets are worth less than the threshold anyway or she has a fund from which to pay the tax.

I wonder if she means they have WILLS where they leave to each other? But that is not the same as IHT.

@Dixiechickonhols

Whistpie Thanks for taking time to answer. Because we don’t want to register a civil partnership is of course your decision and you don’t feel you would benefit you practically or financially if you had the certificate to prove you were partners.

Thank-you. Marriage, or civil partnership, for some people, carries no advantages. We've been through all the 'what ifs' with an accountant and an IFA.

Ah yes, possibly, she may have confused wills with IHT - she seems confused all round.

Found the ONS stats for opposite sex single partners formally registering their relationships. 167 couples on 31/12/19 day it became legal and 7566 couples in 2020. So some partners are using it.
I can remember the case that resulted in law change and a few photos of first couples to do it but nothing since in press.
If anyone is in the 7,000 who’ve done it did you tell family/friends or did you treat it like seeing a solicitor for your wills etc.

@Octomore - fair enough perhaps I am reading too much into it but very often on MN there is an implication that unmarried cohabitees are rather stupid and do not appreciate the legalities of their situation. Whilst I accept that many may be uninformed, there are some who are informed and still choose for whatever reason not to enter into a legally binding contract.

There is then the whole attitude as demonstrated by a pp that "the lady doth protest too much" meaning that she secretly wishes to be married, which is condescending and again implies that marriage is a state to which all women must aspire, even if they say otherwise (which society continues to reinforce in so many ways).

I am all for education around these topics for both young women and men.

What a strange question OP! Why on earth do you need to ask?

Whilst I accept that many may be uninformed, there are some who are informed and still choose for whatever reason not to enter into a legally binding contract

Absolutely there are. But people who are well informed know what their legal status is. And people who are happy to be a DP don't say they're a DW and then say actually they're not.

@TatianaBis

Whilst I accept that many may be uninformed, there are some who are informed and still choose for whatever reason not to enter into a legally binding contract

Absolutely there are. But people who are well informed know what their legal status is. And people who are happy to be a DP don't say they're a DW and then say actually they're not.

True...

Because some of us have wills etc. set up to benefit others as well as partners.

Being married or in a civil partnership doesn't make any difference to this. There's no compulsion to leave anything to your spouse/civil partner (except under unusual circumstances that won't apply to most people).

Some people have wills that leave nothing to their spouses/civil partners and marry, or form a civil partnership, to minimise the IHT on their future estates for the benefit of their respective children.

It's worth pointing out that if you own a property 50:50 as tenants in common (i.e. you own half each) but you give the other the legal right to live in that property after your death then the whole value of the property is counted as part of their estate. So, the allowance of the first partner to die can effectively be 'wasted' unless you are married or in a civil partnership. I didn't learn this until very recently.

@Dixiechickonhols

Found the ONS stats for opposite sex single partners formally registering their relationships. 167 couples on 31/12/19 day it became legal and 7566 couples in 2020. So some partners are using it. I can remember the case that resulted in law change and a few photos of first couples to do it but nothing since in press. If anyone is in the 7,000 who’ve done it did you tell family/friends or did you treat it like seeing a solicitor for your wills etc.

We haven't done it but are planning to this year for IHT purposes. We have told our respective children (who are all adults) because it affects our and their legal status - they will legally become step children of the other partner.

I have also mentioned it to some family and friends in passing. We don't plan to make a big deal of it when we actually do it.

@Dixiechickonhols we had a civil partnership ceremony with 15 guests and would have invited more if not for the pandemic. For us, it was partly for legal reasons to protect our family and partly to celebrate our union. I know loads of people who have partnered since so think it’s catching on. Alistair Campbell and Fiona Miller raised awareness a fair bit, I think.

@ViaGellia Yes, and on death if you own a property as joint tenants & you're not married then half the value of the property belongs to the estate of the deceased and counts towards the IHT threshold of the deceased estate. Another thing to bear in mind is that not everyone lives in the SE of England, and property prices for half a decent house won't necessarily take you near the IHT threshold.

Ring them up and ask them. It is pretty poor form in this day and age that co-habiting isn't one of the choices!

Single

I think, and I may be projecting here, that when you have been cohabiting for 20 years, describing yourself as "single" doesn't match how you see yourself. Before everyone jumps on to say "but you are single", well yes, in the eyes of the law you are. But we don't always view ourselves or our relationships in this way. To me, and again, before anyone objects, this is my personal view, a box marked "single", did not tally with my perception of myself. I think it is probably confusing "relationship status" with"legal marital status", and for some things cohabitation is an option that feels more real.

We also have to bear in mind that most of the laws were written a long time ago and predominantly for the benefit of a patriarchal society. Again, you can argue that current marriage laws actually benefit women, but we have freedom to choose, in this case, whether we enter into this legal arrangement. Freedom that many women around the world don't have, and let's be thankful for that.

My views are also coloured by reports from my teenage DD about what her friends aspire to. I was shocked and saddened by several of them saying that what they want to do when they leave school is "find a husband".

Sorry to all for the rant, but in my defence it has given me a reason to stop watching "Escape to the Country"

I’m all for education. Where and how? My daughter’s half a year 10 phse session was woeful. But if it was taught in schools eg using CAB guide as a start (factual) it would kick off with parents making comments like some posters on here - smug married teacher, why are you telling my child my 20 year relationship doesn’t count. Are you calling me a single parent he’s got a dad at home - if you asked child to tick a multiple choice based on op’s question and the answer is single.
Unmarried posters on these mumsnet threads are not representative of unmarried couples.
The moving into house he owns, woman paying for childcare not mortgage, no wills, no nominating for pensions, giving up work to care for kids unmarried, him still being married to his ‘ex’, thinking there’s common law partners are all common scenarios.

[quote TatianaBis]@Dixiechickonhols

Please read the context of my post and the comment it was a response to. It was a reply to a poster complaining they hadn’t been taught about relationship options at school.

Civil partnerships for gay couples were first introduced in 2005.[/quote]
I wasn't complaining that I wasn't taught this in schools.

I was saying that we should be teaching this in schools so that future generations are aware.

@Dixiechickonhols

Found the ONS stats for opposite sex single partners formally registering their relationships. 167 couples on 31/12/19 day it became legal and 7566 couples in 2020. So some partners are using it. I can remember the case that resulted in law change and a few photos of first couples to do it but nothing since in press. If anyone is in the 7,000 who’ve done it did you tell family/friends or did you treat it like seeing a solicitor for your wills etc.

We did it in September last year. The only people who know are adult DD and her DP and hat was only because it would have been unfair on her to only find out when/if I die first.

hat? That obviously.

[quote WhistPie]@ViaGellia Yes, and on death if you own a property as joint tenants & you're not married then half the value of the property belongs to the estate of the deceased and counts towards the IHT threshold of the deceased estate. Another thing to bear in mind is that not everyone lives in the SE of England, and property prices for half a decent house won't necessarily take you near the IHT threshold.[/quote]
Yes, everyone needs to look at their own circumstances and review regularly to see if things have changed. House values are likely to rise at a faster rate than IHT allowances for example.

Also, some people will decide not to get married/form a civil partnership even if financially it might be beneficial. That's totally valid, other things might be more important to them.

It just matters to me that people (especially women) are well informed about what being married/a civil partner versus not being really means for them. I don't care what they decide, just that they're making an informed decision.

The legal status is single - sharing a life with someone without formally registering it (marriage, civil partnership) has no legal standing which is why they need to know being life assurance (insurance for cars, property etc is different, they have a cohabiting option)

I think it is probably confusing "relationship status" with"legal marital status", and for some things cohabitation is an option that feels more real.

So are you saying @StevieNicksscarf that it the insurance company has got it wrong?

In terms of legal docs, and matters of insurance, it's not what you decide to call your relationship, it's what is legally recognised.

Unmarried posters on these mumsnet threads are not representative of unmarried couples.The moving into house he owns, woman paying for childcare not mortgage, no wills, no nominating for pensions, giving up work to care for kids unmarried, him still being married to his ‘ex’, thinking there’s common law partners are all common scenarios.

Are you saying @Dixiechickonhols that most posters on MN are undeducated?