To ask what we'd put down as our marital status?

[Elsalvador]

With DH for 20 years. Not married and I don't want to turn this a debate about whether we should be or not :)

Looking for life insurance quotes, and the marital status is either married, single, divorced, separated, widowed or civil partnership. None of these fit. What would you put? I don't know whether this affects the premium displayed. Does anyone know? Thanks so much in advance

@LadyGoddiva - no absolutely not. What I meant was that some forms etc that you fill out have an option for cohabitees so very often you don't have to describe yourself as single. This may be why, when completing a more official document, having to describe yourself as single, seems strange even though it is legally correct.

@LadyGoddiva

Some are definitely naïve, unworldly rather than uneducated (I know extremely bright people from academic perspective who are incredibly naive when it comes to relationships, and plenty of those who aren't good at book learning are incredibly street smart!) women definitely need to protect themselves, and the op feels she has

@Elsalvador

Many people on this thread have asked, but I don't think you have answered this question.

How can you not know if you are married, single, divorced, separated, widowed or in a civil partnership? It's completely your choice whether or not to get married, but you know that you aren't married (and also aren't divorced, separated, widowed or in a civil partnership), so of course you're single! That is just a fact, and I don't believe for a second that you don't know it.

LadyGoddiva no the opposite! The posters who contribute to threads like this who have chosen not to marry are educated about law, have taken advice, made practical arrangements like wills etc. That’s not my experience from people I’ve met in real life - I’m common law married has been said to me multiple times (I’m in England where it doesn’t exist) and if you go on relationships board on here there’s a thread most weeks with one or more of those scenarios.

[quote Anonymous48]@Elsalvador

Many people on this thread have asked, but I don't think you have answered this question.

How can you not know if you are married, single, divorced, separated, widowed or in a civil partnership? It's completely your choice whether or not to get married, but you know that you aren't married (and also aren't divorced, separated, widowed or in a civil partnership), so of course you're single! That is just a fact, and I don't believe for a second that you don't know it.[/quote]
I suspect that the OP may be in for a rude awakening as far as marital status is concerned regarding inheritance and pensions, to name a couple.

In her head, she is 'as good as married' and indeed tells strangers that she is [laugh] because she likes the 'status' it suggests to others.

But that doesn't cut the mustard when it comes to legal paperwork.

I think lines have become blurred. Some people genuinely think cohabitation/common law is a legal status and are surprised to find they are legally single. Cohabiting is an option on lots of forms. You can get joint mortgages. Cohabitees are treated as married for some benefits purposes. There has been some extension of rights to cohabitees (eg some unmarried partners now entitled to bereavement award under Fatal Accidents Act) reported in press. I can see how some people are mistaken as to their rights.

*RobynNora’ thanks for sharing sounds like a lovely day despite Covid rules. I’d not seen Alistair Campbell. The Daily Mail headline of ‘weds’ to accompany his story is awful.

ViaGellia TimBoothseyes Thanks for sharing.

Cohabiting is an option on lots of forms. You can get joint mortgages. Cohabitees are treated as married for some benefits purposes.

Mortgages can be given to two friends buying together who are not in a sexual or romantic set -up. This would also be classed as 'cohabiting.'

The 'common law wife' idea is a left-over from the 19thC when someone decided it gave a certain amount of 'decency' to couples living together, unmarried.

It's never been law, common or not- it's a myth.

Hey OP :)
Would you mind me asking what arrangements you’ve made to protect yourself re IHT? This thread has made me think my close friend in a similar situation may not be as protected as she thinks she is so i thought i might point her towards this thread…

@Somebodylikeyew PM sent.

LadyGoddiva Yes I know it doesn’t exist and it’s a myth but it’s a very commonly held belief.
Had a look and these National Centre for Social Research stats from 2019 show 46% thought common law marriage existed and had equivalent rights to marriage. For age group 25-62 it was 52%. Interesting that more men believe than women.

Last survey 2005 was 47% so largely unchanged despite internet etc.

natcen.ac.uk/news-media/press-releases/2019/january/almost-half-of-us-mistakenly-believe-that-common-law-marriage-exists/

On mumsnet it’s often portrayed that it’s just a few silly uneducated women who don’t know and majority who cohabit are fully aware of legal rights. That’s not born out by my experience and stats like this.

One glimmer of hope is only 28% of 18-24 believe maybe some schools are teaching law and my daughter’s class last year wasn’t representative.

I was surprised that the believing in common law marriage stats were so high and it does largely answer my why don’t couples get their partnership registered question I posed earlier. Answer many think they don’t need to as they are already common law married.

Thank you

You're single. I know you're not in terms of relationship status, but that's not what they're asking. They want to know for legal purposes and legally you ae single.

Yes I know it doesn’t exist and it’s a myth but it’s a very commonly held belief. Had a look and these National Centre for Social Research stats from 2019 show 46% thought common law marriage existed and had equivalent rights to marriage. For age group 25-62 it was 52%. Interesting that more men believe than women.

Good Lord. No wonder there are so many women on here who pitch up in precisely this pickle.

I was saying that we should be teaching this in schools so that future generations are aware.

Don’t disagree with that.

@Somebodylikeyew

Hey OP :) Would you mind me asking what arrangements you’ve made to protect yourself re IHT? This thread has made me think my close friend in a similar situation may not be as protected as she thinks she is so i thought i might point her towards this thread…

This thread has made me think my close friend in a similar situation

Asking for a friend

Really?

Hahahahahaha!

IHT only becomes an issue when the estate is over £650K. With married couples, they can pass their £325K onto their spouse.

I'm as keen as you are @Somebodylikeyewe to also tell my friend what to do. I would love to know how the OP has it sorted when she didn't even know her legal status.

Finding a way through it takes long term planning and a very good financial advisor.

@Elsalvador

To be clear to all, we do NOT pretend to each other that we are married. We use these terms when talking to others who seem not able to accept that after 20 years we are not married! It's a convenient response to avoid the usual questions about why we are not married.

We are not deluded, "idiotic", ashamed or embarrassed.

@Thedogshow thanks. All considered and arrangements in place to deal with IHT. I do agree it's an important thing to consider that many may not.

All considered and arrangements in place to deal with IHT.

So, small estate? Won't be expecting a bereavement payment like the lady in the pp above?
You all ready to close accounts for him if he dies first etc?

If you're not married, IHT becomes an issue when the individual's estate is over £325k.

That's the whole point - spouse to spouse inheritances are effectively exempt, and then the second spouse gets a nil rate band of £650k (i.e. they inherit their spouse's nil rate band).

[quote Elsalvador]@Somebodylikeyew PM sent.[/quote]
Please, @somebodylikeyew - do not take financial advice from someone who had to ask Mumsnet what their legal marital status was.

In general terms, IHT is due on all estates which fall above the £325k nil rate band, except for:

• bequests to a charity
• bequests to a spouse/civil partner
• specific types of business asset or agricultural property that might form part of the estate (investment businesses are excluded, and there are various criteria)

Making a will, or drawing up some form of 'next of kin' / power of attorney document will make not one bit of difference to the application of IHT.

@Elsalvador

To be clear to all, we do NOT pretend to each other that we are married. We use these terms when talking to others who seem not able to accept that after 20 years we are not married! It's a convenient response to avoid the usual questions about why we are not married.

We are not deluded, "idiotic", ashamed or embarrassed.

@Thedogshow thanks. All considered and arrangements in place to deal with IHT. I do agree it's an important thing to consider that many may not.

I'd be interested to know why you aren't married, OP?

@Somebodylikeyew

Hey OP :) Would you mind me asking what arrangements you’ve made to protect yourself re IHT? This thread has made me think my close friend in a similar situation may not be as protected as she thinks she is so i thought i might point her towards this thread…

I don't mean to be rude, but OP didn't know she was legally single and isn't prepared to answer this question publicly, so I wouldn't trust the response. You can't create an IHT exemption through a will. Your friend needs to see a solicitor. In all likelihood, she needs to get married.

I very much echo that DrSbaitso. Anyone in this situation should take proper legal and financial advice.
There’s no way to replicate the IHT exemption hence reason some older couples quietly marry/civil after long term partnerships.
Celebrities that jump to mind are Ken Dodd marrying his partner of 40 years, 2 days before death and Alan Rickman marrying his partner of 50 years a few months before his death.

@octomore Death in service benefit is also tax free