To ask what we'd put down as our marital status?

[Elsalvador]

With DH for 20 years. Not married and I don't want to turn this a debate about whether we should be or not :)

Looking for life insurance quotes, and the marital status is either married, single, divorced, separated, widowed or civil partnership. None of these fit. What would you put? I don't know whether this affects the premium displayed. Does anyone know? Thanks so much in advance

@Dixiechickonhols

FooKingDong I do accept some people don’t want to marry - perhaps had a bad divorce and vowed never to marry again or feel marriage has got patriarchal baggage. If you are actually living in a partnership I can’t understand how you could have objections a civil partnership recognising it. Just curious why people in long term cohabiting relationships don’t.

I think a lot of people don't realise it's an option. I feel there's something big missing in our education around this sort of stuff.

Oh, and do think really carefully about what risks you're trying to insure against, and what the impact on your loved ones would be. Don't forget about things which aren't financial just now, eg SAHM often underestimate the importance of insuring their life. as well as the wage-earner's

@PinkSyCo

Surely you’re your OH’s common-law wife if you’ve been living with him that long. As there is no such category though, I suppose you’re going to have to go with single. 🤷🏻‍♀️

There is no such thing as a common law wife and it is this common misconception which leaves many women unprotected.

However the OP has said she has appropriate protection which means she knows she is single and has purposely sought that appropriate protection. This is why it is justifying that she needs to ask what status to put.

I don't think there is any stigma attached to being in a long term relationship deciding not to marry and am agog that people would request reasons for not doing so.

I do think that perhaps the OP does actually want to be married as she comes across very much as a lady who doth protest too much.

*mystifying not justifying. Cheers phone!

Civil partnerships came in in 2005 long after some people left school. There’s no substitute to reading the newspapers and keeping up with current affairs.

@Dixiechickonhols

FooKingDong I do accept some people don’t want to marry - perhaps had a bad divorce and vowed never to marry again or feel marriage has got patriarchal baggage. If you are actually living in a partnership I can’t understand how you could have objections a civil partnership recognising it. Just curious why people in long term cohabiting relationships don’t.

Because some of us just don't want to. Because some of us have wills etc. set up to benefit others as well as partners. Because some of us are named on relevant forms as next of kin. Because some of us don't have enough to make IHT an issue (unlike everyone else on mumsnet ). Because some of us don't want to.

Opposite sex civil partnerships have only been legal in England for a couple of years, @TatianaBis. Same sex ones were established first.

@TatianaBis

Civil partnerships came in in 2005 long after some people left school. There’s no substitute to reading the newspapers and keeping up with current affairs.

Straight people having civil partnerships is quite a new change in the law.

We can stop a future generation of (mostly) women finding themselves in very vulnerable positions by teaching them at school that common law isn't a thing and the differences between married and not. Not to say either is better or worse, but just the facts of how the law currently stands.

There was lots of talk a few years ago about women having religious marriages and realising too late that they weren't legally married. I don't know if they now teach more about what makes a marriage legal.

Single. Because you are.
If you keep getting asked why you're not married you must know some nosey people. I've never asked anyone because it's nothing to do with me

Your final para is the nub of the issue. No one is making a judgment that the relationship counts for nothing it’s a legal status. Somewhere a long the way people have forgotten marriage is a legal contract not an Instagram party.
It’s like the article I linked to earlier with the woman getting upset with the DWP official he wasn’t saying her relationship counts for nothing just wanted to know legal status for deceased’s pension, eligibility for widows allowance (bereavement support payment) etc. If married he ticks box Married and child under 18 £3500 payment goes to her and further £350 a month. If ticks box single no payment needs to be processed.

Whistpie

Because some of us don't have enough to make IHT an issue (unlike everyone else on mumsnet hmm).

Not an issue for me yet or probably most young couples but could be in the future if inheriting from parents or elsewhere, or if the threshold gets lowered or one partner wins the lottery and dies the next day sing along

Indeed but they were first introduced in 2005.

Was a response to this post:

I feel there's something big missing in our education around this sort of stuff.

My point was that 2005 was long after some people had left school.

Straight people having civil partnerships is quite a new change in the law.

Precisely, so it’s no good moaning that you weren’t taught this stuff at school.

Sorry. Bold fail

Whistpie

Because some of us don't have enough to make IHT an issue (unlike everyone else on mumsnet hmm).

Not an issue for me yet or probably most young couples but could be in the future if inheriting from parents or elsewhere, or if the threshold gets lowered or one partner wins the lottery and dies the next day sing along

TatianaBis Opposite sex civil partnership was only from 2019 (after an opposite sex couple legally challenged) but that’s still 2 years. I can’t quickly see any stats would like to know how many have done it.

@Dixiechickonhols

Please read the context of my post and the comment it was a response to. It was a reply to a poster complaining they hadn’t been taught about relationship options at school.

Civil partnerships for gay couples were first introduced in 2005.

I'd also caution against rushing into life insurance, per se.

Everyone's circs are different. We used to have LI but as we got older, the premiums were not value for money.

In addition to that, DH had 4 x his salary as a death in service benefit.

We took out critical illness insurance when DCs were small, which would have covered nannies/ care/ cleaners/ mortgage if one us of was ill for any length of time.

This was many decades back and options now have changed, but do shop around OP.

@Elsalvador

To be clear to all, we do NOT pretend to each other that we are married. We use these terms when talking to others who seem not able to accept that after 20 years we are not married! It's a convenient response to avoid the usual questions about why we are not married.

We are not deluded, "idiotic", ashamed or embarrassed.

@Thedogshow thanks. All considered and arrangements in place to deal with IHT. I do agree it's an important thing to consider that many may not.

arrangements in place to deal with IHT

Eh?

Either you're married (no IHT on bequests between spouses) or you're not (IHT applies). There are no other special 'arrangements' available to 'deal with IHT'.

Tatianabis yes not disagreeing with you at all just clarifying it’s only a more recent change for opposite sex partners.

[quote PrincessNikla]@ViaGellia
If the dm (in this scenario) had not created a new will after getting married, then her estate would go to the dh.

The person who missed out on the bereavement payment for widow/ers missed out as they were not married. If you don't want to marry, that's fine, but don't expect the same rights as married people. You can't stumble into marriage, you make a choice, no one is stopping you (normally)[/quote]
Yes, the will needs to be made after the marriage/civil partnership or 'in contemplation of' marriage/civil partnership to the person you subsequently marry/form a civil partnership with.

Otherwise the intestacy rules applicable to where the deceased lived will determine how the estate is distributed.

@IDontHaveThePelvisForAFuton

Whistpie

Because some of us don't have enough to make IHT an issue (unlike everyone else on mumsnet hmm).

Not an issue for me yet or probably most young couples but could be in the future if inheriting from parents or elsewhere, or if the threshold gets lowered or one partner wins the lottery and dies the next day sing along

We have already inherited (very little, and next-to-nothing) from parents. We both have excellent individual pensions and will be taking them as individuals, as we will both be able to manage very well on our own pensions without needing the other person's contribution. We could both easily cope financially if the other were to vanish suddenly. And as both of us have a good understanding of statistics and probability, we don't do the lottery

@WaningMoon

Call the insurance company for advice of which option you should use, and ask for them to email/write so you have it in writing.

Insurance companies will use any loophole they can to not pay, including an incorrectly filled out form, so your best bet is to ask them for clarification.

Why on earth would she have to phone them to ask advice. She is obviously single.

I find it very odd that supposedly so many people ask the OP why she is not married. I know quite a few couples that are not married, some of whom, have been together longer than the OP has been with her partner and they say they don't get asked about it

OP - the fact that you even needed to ask this question demonstrates that you are not remotely clued up about the legal implications associated with being unmarried vs being married.

Someone clued up about it would have known full well that they were legally single.

Marriage is a legal contract that gives the parties to the contract certain rights, protections, and liabilities. You have not entered into that contract, therefore none of them apply to you.

I advise that you talk to a very good financial advisor OP.

If you have been with your partner for 20 years then you must be in your 40s at least.

That is quite late to be taking out Life Ins and you may find you can invest the money in other schemes like private pensions which give a better return.

@StevieNicksscarf

OP - I totally get where you are coming from and to my mind the smug marrieds are enjoying the pile on!!

As someone who was cohabiting for 25 years, I find it completely offensive that he is "your boyfriend or partner at worst". Seriously???

Reading the replies on here you can just taste the disdain from those who seem to reinforce the idea that having a husband somehow makes you superior - you have won the prize, you have achieved the ultimate goal - it's so bloody regressive.

People are free to define their own relationship in their own lives. Obviously from a legal point of view this varies but many forms and policies have an option for partner or cohabiting even around nominating pension beneficiaries etc.

Love the way pps are saying "you're single" as though your long term relationship counts for nothing.

You are reading an awful lot into it - I think this says more about your feelings on the topic than anything else.

Marriage is a legal contract, nothing more. Similarly, your marital status is a statement of legal fact, nothing more.

I'd been with my DH for 11 years before we married - nothing fundamentally changed except the legalities. I certainly don't think that formalising things was 'the prize'