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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
Maureen53 · 29/01/2022 01:25

Point out your car insurance will go up if you regularly use your car for commuting and car sharing, so you don’t want the responsibility of a passenger,

milkyaqua · 29/01/2022 01:50

Not wanting to do it is a valid reason.

JollyHolly30 · 29/01/2022 02:28

Looking forward to hearing her response!

Kitkat151 · 29/01/2022 02:31

@Scarydinosaurs

Good luck! I hope she responds graciously.
Yes this....but whatever she responds with...you are doing the right thing for you
5zeds · 29/01/2022 02:42

I agree, don’t do it any more. I’d just say you don’t want to car share any more. After all she decided she didn’t want to pay any more.

NickiMinajerie · 29/01/2022 02:54

Good message - do not be surprised if she magically suddenly now has petrol money for you - double down and tell her nope. Shamrock

pompomseverywhere · 29/01/2022 02:57

I think just choose if you are sick of the arrangement or if you'd like it to go back how it was when she paid you. If you want to do lifts and have the money do text but
I think your message sounds a bit formal. Just say in the text:

Hi CF do you still what lifts going forward? If yes I do still want the petrol money. Let me know either way. X

Or if you'd rather leave it there text to cancel the arrangements and let her enjoy the reality of January and public transport.

Workinghardeveryday · 29/01/2022 06:05

Good luck with it @strawberrylaces1

Let us know what the cf says!!!

conjourbonjour · 29/01/2022 06:22

If you send that text message, work is gonna be awkward, definitely do not do that. I agree they are being a cheeky bastard. I’d just say “hey XXX so sorry, I won’t be able to give you a lift when I get back from holiday anymore, I’ve got some stuff going on at home I need to deal with which makes it difficult before and after work. Sorry for short notice. Don’t worry about the fuel money you owe, let’s just call it quits. “ Don’t elaborate and if she asks questions just be vague and borderline blunt. Trust me, she’ll know why and then you can be all normal with her at work.

If you send that message things will be so weird. I agree she’s in the wrong but these things happen.

Bogeyes · 29/01/2022 06:52

She may try to smooth talk you into relenting and continue with the lifts....stand your ground. No means no!

2me2u2u2me · 29/01/2022 06:55

@BringBackCoffeeCreams

Hope it goes ok, but be prepared for push back. I remember a similar thread quite a while ago where the pisstaker complained to their manager that they couldn't get to work on time unless the OP gave them a lift. The manager was demanding that the OP did it. I don't remember the outcome. Does anyone else remember that thread?
Wow that’s shocking, how did the manager think for one minute it was acceptable to try and enforce this, I’d have laughed in her face.
LagunaBubbles · 29/01/2022 07:00

I hate car sharing of any description, it stops flexibility eg I often stop at shops on way home from work.

maddiemookins16mum · 29/01/2022 07:10

I had this, it was a pain. Worst being even though we both finished at 4pm (started at 7.45), she would be hovering at my desk at 3.58, coat on, bag in hand. I’d be finishing up what I was doing and she’d be huffing, even worse when someone Teamed me and I took the call she tutted (it lasted 30 seconds). Sometimes I’d be a few minutes ‘late’ finishing and she fold her arms and say, ‘are we leaving now?”. It got to the point that the whole dept noticed. That said, she thanked me every single day, ‘thank Maddie, see you tomorrow’. In the end it stopped as I moved to the other end of town (not because of this I hasten to add).

SartresSoul · 29/01/2022 07:16

I wouldn’t make things awkward at work personally, you have to see her all week so it doesn’t make sense to do this. I’d just make up an excuse to get out of it. Something has come up, you can’t give her a lift anymore and leave it at that.

TooGood2BeFalse · 29/01/2022 07:22

Cheeky mare

Daylighthours · 29/01/2022 08:00

Just say you're not giving lifts anymore. Let her know before you go back to work, so it's a new phase. If she asks why, don't reply. She sounds like the type to try and guilt trip you. Don't give her any ammo. The not paying for petrol was very cheeky and entitled. You are not her mum. She broke the arrangement. She can't jump onto your car as you're speeding past, blaring your fav song with the heat blasting! Grin

Poppingmad123 · 29/01/2022 08:15

You: Hey X, do you actually want to continue with this lift share?
Her: yes
You: well you’ve not paid x as per our initial agreement despite me asking.
Her: ah well, money tight/saving for hol/blah blah
You: well no money, then no lift arrangement. Make your own way from Monday.

I don’t think you should make excuses. Just tell her straight she’s negated on the arrangement and don’t listen to her excuses.

Best of luck!

coraka · 29/01/2022 08:16

well done! stand firm now and don't let her back even if she offers money again.

LumpyandBumps · 29/01/2022 08:26

No money to contribute towards fuel?
Just explain that to the bus driver. I am sure he will understand. He was going that way anyway.

Belledan1 · 29/01/2022 08:36

Good luck. She sounds very entitled and ungrateful and deserves no lift. Do you work closely together.

HappydaysArehere · 29/01/2022 08:36

Years ago I was given a regular lift to work but I gave them every week the money it would have cost me to go by bus. I remember my colleague used to put it in her dashboard saying it would pay for her car tax.

Justilou1 · 29/01/2022 08:38

Good for you. Truthful and to the point. Can’t possibly be misconstrued.

caringcarer · 29/01/2022 08:46

Sorry, I am unable to continue to give you a lift to work and back. You have plenty of time to make alternative arrangements. Don't say anything else about it. If she asks why "it no longer works for you". You don't owe her any elaborations. She knows why.

ittakes2 · 29/01/2022 08:47

Op just read your update. You need to think if you send the message you write what her next move will be. I think she’ll just apologise and say she will pay. If you don’t want her to ride with you anymore regardless than you need to come up with a different angle.

ApolloandDaphne · 29/01/2022 08:47

That is a good message. Very clear.