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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop giving work colleague lifts to work?

516 replies

strawberrylaces1 · 27/01/2022 05:58

I have been at my workplace for 5 years, and a few months one of my colleagues moved house, to my area.

I drive to work each day, and when we were having a chat about her moving, she mentioned the idea of car sharing to work, with her contributing towards the petrol costs. I thought this sounded ok.

At first this worked fine, she gave me petrol money and it was quite nice having the company. But for the past month or so, she’s not given any petrol money, I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she’s given rubbish excuses about how money is short at the moment. (Which makes no sense, as if I didn’t drive her, she would have to pay for public transport!) She also mentioned that she is saving for a holiday so the financial hardship claim doesn’t really add up Confused

Another thing which is really getting under my skin is that she’s completely stopped saying thank you. When we get to her house and she gets out, she just says goodbye. I know this might seem petty, but I find it incredibly rude.
I get the impression she feels entitled to a lift since we live close by.

AIBU to stop giving her lifts entirely? I feel like I’m being taken advantage of. I am on annual leave until Monday so I want to cut off this arrangement before I’m back at work.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 28/01/2022 22:33

Good reply. Wonder what hers will be

What were you charging her weekly

How much is bus return a day x 5

pictish · 28/01/2022 22:33

Never ever ever agree to be the driver or lift share again.

Greenshed · 28/01/2022 22:44

I wouldn’t even list as many reasons as you’ve given in your last post. Just say you no longer find it convenient to give her a lift on a regular basis as circumstances have changed. No further explanations/excuses need be given by you, just keep reiterating that circumstances have changed and you can’t commit to giving regular lifts and so it would be better for her to make her own arrangements.

TomorrowIsNow · 28/01/2022 22:45

Let us know how she responds

GlitterWitch · 28/01/2022 22:49

When you have a car people do take the p**s out of you. I get it all the time.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/01/2022 22:54

I like your message, OP; I know some feel you should leave the money out of it, but IMO it's much better to be honest - and as said upthread, if she insists that of course she'll pay, a simple "No thank you" covers it

suzanneinfo · 28/01/2022 22:54

Could you try chatting about the money again. We're all short. If her attitude is that you are going any way I'd take it to some of the suggestions. I wouldn't make up an excuse that'll come out and assuming you work closely together it could get akward

Hooveslikejagger · 28/01/2022 22:54

@Chilledchablis1

I remember that thread but can’t remember the outcome ! That will annoy me now !
I remember that!, but I can’t remember how it ended.
BBCONEANDTWO · 28/01/2022 22:55

I wouldn't even give her that explanation - just forget about the money and just go yourself - too much hassle imo.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/01/2022 22:57

Chilledchablis1 if it's the one I'm thinking of, I believe the manager backed down in the end because they were sick of getting dragged into it

Fishbubble · 28/01/2022 22:57

I would be offended by the consistent lack of thankyous too. Once or twice while you're wrapped up in conversation maybe. But everyday? She's not grateful. You're paying fuel, car tax and car insurance while she's saving for a holiday? Not ok.

Cherrysoup · 28/01/2022 22:58

Even if she offers money, I’d just come back with ‘No, it no longer suits me to do this, see you at work’, then ignore any further messages.

Onthedunes · 28/01/2022 23:02

Tell her you are starting a self assertion class every evening after work so you can no longer give her a lift.

Sorted.

She might not get it but others may when she complains about it to others.

Feedingthebirds1 · 28/01/2022 23:02

But I feel fed up with it now, even if she offers petrol money when I send the text tomorrow, I feel the arrangement has been soured a bit.

I think it's more than soured. You could never be sure that she wouldn't pull this stunt again when she thought it had all blown over. Rip the plaster off now and stop the lifts.

suzanneinfo · 28/01/2022 23:07

I think you maybe send an initial text. saying what some are saying. You've been thinking about arrangement, think need to clarify petrol money. You are paying to maintain the car, road tax, insurance so petrol money is going towards that. Could you use something like this, ending on can we get a chat when I'm back from leave. Texting to and fro is bad, especially if you don't get a good response and if it goes very bad might end up creating a difficult situation in work. If you do get a bad reaction totally reasonable you are firm and say unless you can come to an agreement lifts are over.

MountainDweller · 28/01/2022 23:13

Good message OP, let us know how it goes.

I really came to say you are completely entitled to a thank you! I would always thank a friend who did something for me - and as you've effectively been doing it for nothing she should be giving grovelling thanks every single time!

pictish · 28/01/2022 23:20

You’re not going to end up driving past her at the bus stop are you?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/01/2022 23:28

Could you try chatting about the money again. We're all short

She's not short though; or rather she claims she is, but then told OP she's saving for a holiday which the money owed to OP is helping towards

She could at least have had the decency to leave that bit out, but no - that's the kind of disdain she clearly feels

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 28/01/2022 23:32

Good message. The only think I would take out is the word afraid - "I'm afraid I cant...."

"I wont be " is enough imo, and doesnt sound like an apology

milkyaqua · 28/01/2022 23:33

@Cherrysoup

Even if she offers money, I’d just come back with ‘No, it no longer suits me to do this, see you at work’, then ignore any further messages.
Yes, this. She will come back with some bollocks. Knock it on the head. Hard!
Holskey · 29/01/2022 00:02

I'm invested and need to know how this entitled freeloader reacts. Good for you, @strawberrylaces1

LovedayCL · 29/01/2022 00:07

I’d add something about how you’d like to have the quiet time commuting in future (or whatever) also, so that it doesn’t open the door for her to say she’ll pay you then. Assuming you’re 100% done?

Buggersticks · 29/01/2022 00:13

Even if she offers to pay, I don't think I could go back to doing it. Like you say it's soured the agreement, and those journeys would be awkward.

Gooseysgirl · 29/01/2022 00:30

I'd probably say.. Hi CF, hope you're well.. I've had a lovely week off! I've decided that I would prefer to travel to work alone for more flexibility and some 'me' time from now on. Just wanted to let you know in advance of my return to work next Monday. (Optional as a gesture of goodwill).... put the money you owe me for petrol towards your hols

Lucycantdance · 29/01/2022 01:24

Great message OP. Can’t believe what a CF she is. Look forward to hearing the reply.