To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

[somegirlontheinter]

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

Weird that you'd spend that much on baby clothes, and then you are saying that you'll be going back to work ASAP after the baby is born, for financial reasons. I'd personally be saving all that money so I could afford a decent maternity leave. Not everyone has the luxury to do that. You never get the time back.

OP, are you married? Please be married. Please don't be buying flats and having babies with a man to whom you're not married.

And I'm sure if you found out you were pregnant you'd rush out and buy loads more clothes! I bet your future child never even wears half the stuff you've bought. Please seek help. You have OCD.

Learn to crochet or sew and then you can make items for your future baby. Much better to throw all of that money into a craft.

£30 on a baby outfit is unreasonable! It will just get covered in poo or sick.

Also, planning your life to that degree can often lead to disappointment.

I hope you find a way to plan and have a baby soon, I know others are saying it’s crazy to buy so many clothes in advance but I get that it gives you something to look forward to and makes it feel more real. Your partner needs to be more supportive with your feelings around this and if you’ve bought different ages etc I’m sure you will be able to use all of the clothes, however I personally underestimated how fast my son would grow and he really didn’t get to wear the clothes he had before his 1st birthday for long at each stage!

Sorry OP I think it sounds a bit OCD. you could have saved the money you've spent on clothes for a non existent child that you could have saved FOR a child. It's a bit odd.

I dont see the issue in buying the clothing if you have a aim in the end, but when you do have a baby and realise how quickly though do grow out of things branded things mini Boden joules clothing they look lovely I will admit but I never buy those sort of outfits for a regular wear special occasions, it could quickly turn into a wear once and never again which does turn into a waste of money.
It's quite sensible your plan to save enough and finish your education plans to better yourself in the future, but please do not focus massively on a single figure of money, you state you would want to return to work quickly you may say that now but the bond you will have I should imagine you will feel differently. Don't put off having children purely down to your upbringing there is a difference growing up poor as you say always going without it's like a stigma which sticks in your mind forever but trying to make sure every box is ticked every penny in the bank and work it's sensible but not make having your family unit a box tick excercise to the extreme, no one knows what the future holds. We waited I'm almost 40 now one baby and one accidentally on the way, but everything we pictured is different now priorities have changed and having children does that overnight. So buy the clothes if you wish but why not buy the baby grows sleepsuits things that will be worn more regularly not branded bits that all truth be told look great on, but joules for example my son had a stunning summer set wore it once washed up horribly and now just sat in a bag for charity, just because it's branded with stained milk baby sick and then orange baby food wash and wear is better more use

So he doesn’t think the baby needs a savings account at birth but you think it’s ok for it to have clothes before conception? YABU

Babies don't actually need all that stuff you know.
I bought most of my baby's clothes from charity shops it sells very cheaply, and preloved and preworn fabric is very soft for baby's skin.
All those fancy outfits are for the benefit of the parents- not the infants.
I doubt I spent more than £200 on clothes in the first year, and even less on the second child, as they wore hand me downs.
Babies really don't care for expensive clothes one bit.

@somegirlontheinter

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.

Wowsers! If you are 29 and broody now. I can assure the stress of infertility - will take it to the next level. I think spending £3000 on baby clothes is quite unreasonable, fertility treatments are twice that! Best do you home work re fertility and maybe a reality check. Life doesn’t work like you described. Saving in my opinion is always the best idea…

You are bonkers! I wish you well and I hope you get your desired baby soon but if you are waiting a few more years perhaps it’s wise to start saving on fertility treatments than wasting this on something you might not even be able to achieve. Being broody and actually having a baby are two different things, there are many obstacles in the way like miscarriages, pregnancy complications, still births etc. sorry to be blunt but you really need to give your head a wobble next time you want to spend money on your imaginary baby.

I disagree
You have spent money on holidays which’s re precious memories
It is you and your partner and your life together

Whereas clothes are just our in the sky and zero value

Of all the things a baby needs - books / buggies / cots/ bottles … clothes are the things of least value amd least financial sense

Bless you op. Well done for taking all the advice and criticism on the chin. I just wanted to say that you’re definitely not alone in this. I know a few people who have done similar……..and some who still buy baby clothes even though their children have long since grown up. You’re not crazy, you just allowed your broodiness to get out of hand. Baby clothes are designed to be adorable and hard to resist, but I think you’ll be able to do that now after all the great advice you’ve received. Good luck with your plans and I hope you get to put the few faves you’ll keep onto a real baby as soon as the time is right!
Ps. there’s never a perfect time to have a baby but whenever you have it, you’ll make it work.

I thought I'd entered a parallel universe where £30 in real money was normal for 1 dungaree set. For a non existent baby. Honestly OP you need to talk to someone neutral about how you REALLY feel about everything. It all sounds pretty bad right now, and your reaction of spending thousands on clothes that won't get worn even if you have triplets, needs talking about!!

Everything has been said already.

When you have your baby, you'll stop referring to them as "nice pieces" too! They'll either be clean or dirty! Or a pain to wash / take off.

I'm sorry this sounds worrying!

I think you have gone way overboard. I didn't even start buying baby clothes until I was in my 3rd trimester

Hi OP. I'm in a similar position to you, DH and I have professional jobs which require exams/a lot of time in order to progress. I'm 27 and I am also extremely broody. However, I haven't been buying baby clothes as I want to wait until at least 3 months pregnant. I think you've had some good advice re the clothes so I won't add to that.

I would say that I wouldn't postpone having a baby for work reasons. Not by the amount you're suggesting. My DH and I were planning to do this but we've just decided to save as much as we can and have a baby earlier despite him not being where we initially wanted him to be in his career and me potentially not being where I'd like. I think a child is more important and we would prefer to have a child earlier whilst the odds are on our side rather than postponing and maybe running into disappointments. You obviously never know but this is what we think is best for us.

I completely understand your reasoning but I just think maybe you should have another chat about it with your DP and reconsider.

What careers are you in/progression are you hoping for pre-baby?

Alright how do I close a thread? I’ve been diagnosed as some variation of “crazy” about 300 times by little keyboard wielding armchair psychiatrists. I’d love to save some more fingertips from desperately bashing “oMg u R SoOo bOnKerz” into their phone.

So you're returning to work ASAP as you'll be short of money but have spent 2k on clothes?

Is it just me 😳?

Report the thread to MNHQ and ask them to take it down. Click on the 3 little dots nr the bookmark symbol of your last post and select report on left hand side.

@Bugbabe1970

So you're returning to work ASAP as you'll be short of money but have spent 2k on clothes?

Is it just me 😳?

20 pages later, do you honestly think it’s just you?

If you're ttc mid 35 that's a bit late, fertility dives and risks of complications goes up.
You need to start trying asap really.. It can take years.
Also yabu spending that much on baby clothes, I got all mine second hand lol!

You don't need to delete it, just hide it if you don't like the responses.

I'll never understand why posters start a thread then want it taken down when they're fed up of the responses.