To buy clothes for a baby even though I’m not pregnant

[somegirlontheinter]

I’m 29 and very broody. We can’t have a baby yet as we need to save money to raise them, feed them and send them to school. I have £5k in savings. We’d also really like to move up the property ladder. My SO and I need to complete postgrad exams in order to advance in our profession (£2-3k each). We do not share our disposable income and never will do.

I am so looking forward to having a baby one day. Sometimes I see baby clothes that are just so cute, I feel like I have to buy them or I’ll never see them again. I’ve spent probably £2-3k on baby clothes in the 3 years, I’d say around half on sale. My SO is upset because he feels that I’m throwing money away. He’s managed to save quite a bit already which will cover a few years of education. I feel that we are technically saving money by front loading the cost of this necessity. I think it’s such a non issue and it’s quite smart tbh. We have a shared budget of £50k for offspring and I can definitely save this by the time I’m 35 (it will take me 30 months to save £25k). Surely it only matters that I eventually save the money, not that I save it at the same rate as him.

We’ve been together since we were 18 and we’ve always agreed about money and spending. But as we age, he’s becoming very anxious and extra cautious about the cost of having a family and he can be quite stubborn e.g. a child will survive with free education as I did, they don’t definitely need savings accounts from birth etc. He’s taking it a little too seriously because many people don’t save so much before starting a family.

We’ve bickered about this quite a bit and it really winds me up. I feel like the arguments are getting worse about such a minor issue. Is he being unreasonable?

Yabu. This situation can't continue, I'm afraid you need to stop or get some counselling. Saying you can sell them later if you don't get pregnantis also unreasonable. Please think about what you are doing.

@KurtWilde

You don't need to delete it, just hide it if you don't like the responses.

I'll never understand why posters start a thread then want it taken down when they're fed up of the responses.

I’m not sure how to hide it, I’ve just reported it. Well how many times can the same thing be said? It’s already about 250 times.

@somegirlontheinter

Alright how do I close a thread? I’ve been diagnosed as some variation of “crazy” about 300 times by little keyboard wielding armchair psychiatrists. I’d love to save some more fingertips from desperately bashing “oMg u R SoOo bOnKerz” into their phone.

You can just hide it. Top of the thread, there's a little downward arrow. Click that and the option to hide the thread is there.

A bit odd that you posted on a public forum wanting opinions and don't like them. Surely you considered there would be extreme (to you) points of view?

You click on the arrow on the right at the top of the thread and select hide this thread.

A bit odd that you haven’t read that I’ve expressed my gratitude for the many opinions several times?

I think you could have easily spent that on another hobby and have nothing to show for it. Assuming you'll stop now, and focus on cash in bank. I wouldn't worry.

OP loads of people are just shit at maths. Yes it’s a lot of money and you can clothe a child for significantly less but all these terribly shocked and appalled posters have just never sat down and tallied up spending on anything over a significant period of time. The ones who claim they haven’t spent that much money on children’s clothing between 0 and 18 years or for the entire life of their 7 year old twins either have extremely generous and convenient sources of hand-me-downs in the family or they are just doing a poor job at estimating. Or they’ve forgotten to include shoes and school uniform.

I think you need help OP and I’m saying this in the best way. This is not normal.
Never hear of anything like this. Buying baby clothes not even having a baby or trying for baby and spend 3k on them? ! I have 2 kids and wouldn’t even spend that much (and I CAN afford it)
Crazy

Do you really have to wait until you’re done with exams before you have a baby? It sounds as though you’re career-driven enough to take a year out and then finish them afterwards, plus it sounds as though you’ll be making comfortable amounts of money when you’re back after mat leave (if you can save almost 1k per month). I can understand you wanting to get on housing ladder first etc but you don’t need anything like 50k to get you through mat leave. I got through comfortably on

Op i hope youve got something out the thread including the suggestion that knitting is an idea. Very easy to get carried away buying stuff, firttering money away, people do it with loads of things, CDs, books, magazines, sports stuff, handbags, shoes, the important thing is recognizing its not good or healthy.

I don't think anyone is coming from a bad place more thinking what they'd spend 2-3 k on. Good luck i hope you get to move forward in life as well as your career.

@Ceramide

I think the clothes buying might indicate some anxiety or obsessive tendencies. I understand why you are doing it, but if it is having a negative impact on your finances and relationship, it might be time to seek some help from a counsellor or your GP. Don't beat yourself up, it is likely to make things worse.

This. Please chat to someone. X

@somegirlontheinter

A bit odd that you haven’t read that I’ve expressed my gratitude for the many opinions several times?

OP you've gotten all you need, it's just become a thread for people to stick the boot in. I've had threads like this.. after 20 pages it's just the vultures circling. No more points to be made really. Best to unwatch it. Good luck and im sure you'll be a lovely mum one day xx

I read all your responses and you seem to have a good sense of humour and are witty, therefore I think you started this thread for fun:) it just cannot be true, no one is that bonkers.
If it is true then please seek professional help and therapy

Depends on how much money you can afford to spare and how much you need to save! £3k is a lot though - are they all for one age as well or have you at least got clothes up to like 2 years or so and shoes/coats etc

I feel strong empathy for you OP because I can tell you are really drawn on having a baby, however it’s possibly a sign of a deeper insecurity that you are pre buying these baby clothes and spending so much money.

I wonder if you really mean that you are keen to be starting a family now rather than waiting for everything to be perfect, and could your partner be procrastinating?

Please do not have a baby yet! The beautiful clothes you have bought will all be ruined by an actual baby and I don't think that you are ready for that!

You would of been better spending the money to check fertility and see if you can wait a few more years.

I was going to say yanbu but then you said how much you've spent. That's ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.
And do people save for having a baby?? Is this a thing??

I’ve read that you’re going to sell your baby clothes…Not sure if I’m missing something, but that seems pointless.
You chose them because you loved them, and you still intend to have a child. Yes they were expensive, but selling will never recoup that money and seems like even more of a waste. Just put them in a lovely baby box and keep them until they’re needed.
In the meantime DO NOT buy any more, and start boosting your savings. If you do get the urge… buy books instead, they don’t date and you’ll be able to enjoy them with your child for far longer than clothes!
For what it’s worth, I agree with other posters with regard to the perceived expense of babies… they really are as expensive as you wish them to be. I may be on the other extreme, I have 3 children but have never had a cot or any “nursery” equipment for that matter, not really a financial issue, just never felt the need.
Good luck with everything 💕

Just in case you’re still reading, just wait. When you’re in a position to buy, buy some clothes from a couple of different places. Buy some sleepsuits, a dungarees set, leggings. Sleepsuits with poppers and sleepsuits with zips. You’ll find that a particular style or brand works for your baby.

I bought loads of sleepsuits because I’d seen on here that sleepsuits are the easiest. They’re helpful at times but my DD has long legs and so she very quickly grows out of sleepsuits. Even when she fits in them I find poppers to one side harder to get on because I have to try and bend her leg into the side without poppers. I actually find leggings easier than sleepsuits and if I’d bought 2 years worth of sleepsuits it would be a complete waste. It’s also little things like Sainsbury’s clothes fit her really well but Tesco clothing is a bit shorter on the legs but I’ve only found this out by trying different clothes. Babies are so different and clothing sizing is so different between different shops, you’ll find what works for your baby when they’re here.

Unless you're buying baby Dior, you will never get through 3k of baby clothing. The baby simply won't have a chance to wear it all before it's grown out of the stuff.

So you've bought baby clothes that are gender neutral, no problem whatsoever, don't know if it's a summer or winter baby .

I honestly think you'll be buying all new clothes if you have a baby because they're gender specific and the right seasonal clothes.

YABVU

I also think you need to talk to your GP, this I think is a problem.

Good luck OP.

@somegirlontheinter

Just to clarify, I don’t even have that many items. But one item, like a dungaree set, can be £30 these days! I can always sell them if I’m infertile, I thought.

Where the f are you buying clothes from????? Are you getting them imported from Bloomingdale’s or Macy’s in America???? Asda or even Next do perfectly reasonable baby clothes for under £10. £30 on a dungaree set is a ludicrous amount.

Jesus christ, absolutely bonkers