Page 8 | Partner unhappy with botox & more

Allsorts1 · 26/01/2022 14:40

Plenty of my friends just get Botox and don’t tell their partners. Some people have a very unrealistic/hysterical idea of what Botox will do - I’ve had Botox since I was 23 and no one has ever noticed - have had family members go on about how frozen people look as I nod and agree, with my face full of subtle Botox that they can’t even spot 🤣. Botox is amazing, you should just get it. Whitening my teeth was the single greatest thing I ever did behind Botox - it is absolutely worth it as well.

Tell her your body your choice and you hope she can support you but at the end of the day it’s not up to her.

5128gap · 26/01/2022 14:45

@TatianaBis

The problem for me with all of this is that women with Botox and/or fillers generally: a. Believe no-one has noticed (they have they just don’t mention it), b. Feel more confident in themselves because of it while actually looking worse.

It’s like a weird cult: everyone convinces themselves no-one knows, that they look better and feel more confident as a result etc.

It’s true that if people start in their 30s it’s not so noticeable - but by their 50s it’s obvious, they start to need more, and that’s when it starts to look really offputting.

Well thank goodness you're on on the case! The last thing we want is for women to think they look better and have more self confidence, when there are people like yourself having a problem because they look worse.

Allsorts1 · 26/01/2022 14:46

I also laugh at people who have never had any Botox with really strong opinions about what it makes you look like based on a few celebrities who are completely over done and have had way more invasive treatments than Botox (e.g bad face lifts). Maybe accept that you don’t know everything and that’s ok!

AuntMasha · 26/01/2022 14:48

My mum’s neighbour gets botox treatment at her dentist for a muscle spasm/twitchy eye. She’s over 80. No one and I repeat, No one would be able to tell.

itsgoodtobehome · 26/01/2022 14:49

I had botox once and my DH didn't even notice. Maybe just do it anyway and see if they notice!!

Allsorts1 · 26/01/2022 14:50

@TatianaBis are you certain that you know the difference between Botox and fillers? I guarantee most of the people you think look bad are people who have had unwise filler. Filler paralyses the muscles over time and can contribute to drooping of parts of the face, and for some reason people (like the cast of friends), get their nasolabial lines over-filled which gives them a muzzle instead of a human face - I agree that that looks bad but it’s not Botox it’s fillers - which should be used with caution!

Thirtytimesround · 26/01/2022 14:58

Your partner is upset because this has changed the way she sees you.

Botox is a really nasty poison that was developed using some very cruel procedures on animals. It has occasionally killed people and most people who have it don’t look as good as they think they do. I feel sorry for people who are so insecure/vain that they inject themselves with poison. People above are comparing it to a hair cut. That’s ridiculous. Botox is poison.

If my partner wanted to use it I would lose a lot of respect for him, in the same way as if he’d suddenly expressed an interest in fox-hunting, or started picking his noise and eating it. Your partner is crying, not because she’s manipulative, but because she’s shocked to find you on such a different page from her on this.

DrSbaitso · 26/01/2022 14:58

Anyone who insists they can ALWAYS tell because you get the spoon with hair look totally accidentally after one or two normal doses is just showing that they know nothing about it.

They're right that it doesn't make you look younger, but it's not supposed to. It makes you look less lined and less tired. It doesn't freeze your face unless you intentionally have enough to make that happen. (Some people like that look, just as some people like big glasses with fringes.) I remember my first time thinking it hadn't worked because I could still frown, scowl and knit my brow. Not quite as much as before, but still demonstrably.

I'm told some people develop lines on their noses as a result. Well, it won't suit everyone. Hasn't happened to me.

It's a piddling little procedure that takes far less time and money than a cut and colour every two months.

Aloha7373 · 26/01/2022 14:59

My husband said all this stuff, I did it anyway and he never even noticed. Every time he says I look nice and natural I’m like MMHHHMMMM? Also used Invisalign and teeth whitening, ha.

To be honest she sounds like the insecure one, not wanting to let you work on yourself! I wonder if she’s actually scared of you becoming more attractive to others…

PrimroseBed · 26/01/2022 15:05

Agree with @Thirtytimesround.

Avarua · 26/01/2022 15:12

She's crying at the clash of values, not at the procedure itself. Botox is political: hundreds of thousands of women getting injected with stuff...for what end?

1forAll74 · 26/01/2022 15:14

I would not like to be with someone, who is always crying for some reason or other. its so ridiculous.

DrSbaitso · 26/01/2022 15:14

There's no more moral value in Botox than a balayage.

Butchyrestingface · 26/01/2022 15:15

When I mentioned that my sister and I had discussed getting Botox to our foreheads, and foreheads only, she said she doesn’t want to be with someone who has Botox or anything to do with altering the way I look - inc Invisalign and whitening of teeth. She cried a lot and said she’s only attracted to people who aren’t self conscious about their looks.

I'd be inclined to tell her the Good Ship Fuck Off You Fanny is currently boarding and there's a one-way ticket with her name on it. 🚢

This is only the beginning.

TatianaBis · 26/01/2022 15:15

@5218

Well thank goodness you're on on the case! The last thing we want is for women to think they look better and have more self confidence, when there are people like yourself having a problem because they look worse.

I’m all for self-confidence in women. But one of the reason women tend to lack confidence is because they are inculcated that confidence, value and self worth are linked to appearance.

Real self confidence does not derive from appearance or from beliefs around what you think you have improved in it. Self confidence that hinges on appearance is very fragile.

giveyou2reasons · 26/01/2022 15:24

I'm not a fan of Botox, nor have I had my teeth whitened, but her reaction sounds quite extreme to me! Crying? I'd want to know what's behind this ott reaction, if I were you. Ultimately, it's your decision. Why does she care so strongly?

PrimroseBed · 26/01/2022 15:27

@DrSbaitso

There's no more moral value in Botox than a balayage.

That’s one way of looking at things but not the only one. For the partner here, it sounds like a genuine issue of values and of seeing OP in a different light. I can see why that would be very upsetting.

Butchyrestingface · 26/01/2022 15:29

That’s one way of looking at things but not the only one. For the partner here, it sounds like a genuine issue of values and of seeing OP in a different light. I can see why that would be very upsetting.

I'm sure the partner will be relieved to find she has at least one kindred spirit in nearly 8 billion.

PrimroseBed · 26/01/2022 15:34

@Butchyrestingface No idea what that’s supposed to mean. It’s hardly news that not everyone is keen on Botox.

I have no view either way- not my face, not my relationship. But it’s not outlandish to suggest that the reason the partner is upset is because she finds the idea genuinely upsetting.

5128gap · 26/01/2022 15:34

[quote TatianaBis]@5218

Well thank goodness you're on on the case! The last thing we want is for women to think they look better and have more self confidence, when there are people like yourself having a problem because they look worse.

I’m all for self-confidence in women. But one of the reason women tend to lack confidence is because they are inculcated that confidence, value and self worth are linked to appearance.

Real self confidence does not derive from appearance or from beliefs around what you think you have improved in it. Self confidence that hinges on appearance is very fragile.[/quote]
Thats not what you said though. You said women thought they looked better, when they actually looked worse. You have have taken note of women's appearances and made an aesthetic judgement about it. You can't have it both ways. If you think women should not be seen in terms of their appearance, then why are you colluding with that by criticising women who have botox on the basis of their appearance?

Gonnagetgoing · 26/01/2022 15:36

@TatianaBis

The problem for me with all of this is that women with Botox and/or fillers generally: a. Believe no-one has noticed (they have they just don’t mention it), b. Feel more confident in themselves because of it while actually looking worse.

It’s like a weird cult: everyone convinces themselves no-one knows, that they look better and feel more confident as a result etc.

It’s true that if people start in their 30s it’s not so noticeable - but by their 50s it’s obvious, they start to need more, and that’s when it starts to look really offputting.

@TatianaBis - I agree that women with fillers you can generally tell. Women with Botox unless you look at their expressions no not generally.

Relative of mine who teaches drama says yes she can tell students with Botox (she's had it too, in her 30's) as there's less expression. But, she says, students ask her on the side too, what should they do - e.g. they're worried about aging but want to show expression?

OnlyAFleshWound · 26/01/2022 15:37

@Allsorts1

I also laugh at people who have never had any Botox with really strong opinions about what it makes you look like based on a few celebrities who are completely over done and have had way more invasive treatments than Botox (e.g bad face lifts). Maybe accept that you don’t know everything and that’s ok!

Personally I base it on all the women I know at the gym and at school who think no one can tell.

Occasionally one of them will confide in me that they've had botox or fillers and I always act shocked and say I couldn't tell.

Because that's what people do. Similar to how people express shock and surprise when someone says they are overweight or obese "by BMI".

The only socially acceptable response is to feign amazement. You do realise that, right?

Cameleongirl · 26/01/2022 15:37

I agree she's being over-dramatic, you're not considering major plastic surgery, just a few cosmetic enhancements. I personally haven't used Botox (I'm 47) as I'm quite lucky wrinkles-wise, I have regular facials instead. I may change my mind if my forehead gets very lined, but I doubt it.

As for teeth whitening, I don't think it's a big deal at all. I only use the whitening strips at present but may have it done professionally at some point. Now, if my DH went for some of those veneers that are practically blinding, I might have an opinion, because they look really weird, IMO.

AnotherSillawithanS · 26/01/2022 15:39

To be honest with you op some women that have had Botox, lip fillers etc look absolutely hideous and men piss themselves laughing at them. Not just men of course.

That said, you do what you want.

Cameleongirl · 26/01/2022 15:40

I will say that I know a couple of people IRL whose "work" is rather obvious, Botox and/or fillers. I'm guessing it wasn't well done, or perhaps overdone. One set of fillers is particularly awful, you can literally see the shape of them in her cheeks!