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Original poster

Partner unhappy with botox & more

259 replies

Noname91 · 26/01/2022 10:25

Hi there
So my partner of 1.5 years reacted quite badly to me saying I may want botox and my teeth to be whitened. I'm in my 30s. I'm not super self conscious it's just something I want. I come from a long line of wrinkly foreheads.
I am financially independent- I have a decent job.
Background..
When I mentioned that my sister and I had discussed getting Botox to our foreheads, and foreheads only, she said she doesn’t want to be with someone who has Botox or anything to do with altering the way I look - inc Invisalign and whitening of teeth. She cried a lot and said she’s only attracted to people who aren’t self conscious about their looks.
W regards to the whitening that was the whole 'it's a chemical and I don't believe in it'.
I guess it's nice that my partner likes how I look naturally - I'd be upset if they wanted me/ told me to get it done but I do think Christ it's my body and also how can someone who Loves me threaten you leave me if I get it done.
I don't know what to think or feel.
I am confused by this reaction.

Anyone been through something similar/ have some advice?
Are there other treatments out there that don't include botox? Thanks x

OP posts:
WouldBeGood · 26/01/2022 13:20

I just don’t tell anyone about this stuff as it’s something I do for me and noone else’s business!

PrincessNikla · 26/01/2022 13:20

and if my OH acted like this, they wouldnt have to worry about losing the relationship, it would already be gone

DaisyWaldron · 26/01/2022 13:22

It's absolutely up to you what you do with your body. It's also up to her if that reveals a side if you she was unaware of that makes her feel she can't be in a relationship with you. For what it's worth, I

WouldBeGood · 26/01/2022 13:22

And no one has notched my Botox as it’s very subtle but really makes me happy. I’m old, but it was only my frown line that bothered me (thanks, lockdown!) as I felt it made me look tired and anxious. All gone!

Suzi888 · 26/01/2022 13:25

@Tal45

People who did botox and whitened their teeth wouldn't appeal to me either. She doesn't get to decide what you do to your body but she does get to decide if she wants to be with you or not.
^ I have to agree. It was a conversation, you said your piece, she said hers. You don’t agree. I don’t think it’s about control.

Most people who start messing with Botox, start having other treatments so I can see why she feels this way.

Caramelbeans · 26/01/2022 13:25

OP, your body your money and your choice!

I’m 29, recently got lip fillers, I’ve wanted them for YEARS but my DP always said no. I said fuck it and booked it in, it was the best decision I ever made, and has made me feel so much more confident in my self.

I wish I had done it years ago now, as I’ve always been self conscious about my thin lips.

Do it, take no notice of controlling partners.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 26/01/2022 13:27

@MsMeNz

Your body your choice. Just go somewhere not super cheap with lots of good reviews, I get Botox maybe once or twice a year on forehead and 11s but sometimes I end up with a dropped brow which makes me look stern or spoke eyebrows it can be adjusted and always wears off but if something like happens can be a bit embarrassing, luckily I have fringe.

As for teeth whitening you won't get Ross white teeth you may change a couple of shades at most unelss they really coffee n wine stained, most people won't even notice.

I ended up with a black eye when I had my crows feet done! I've used her for my forehead and 11s but the crows feet just bruised majorly. I didn't even really need them doing so I think it was the universe telling me not to do it again Grin

Definitely look at the work of whoever you choose. I actually go somewhere who has special offers on certain days and she's fab. You just need to be sure that they can do it properly.

I considered tear trough filler at one point - for something like that I'd want to make sure I had a review from someone I personally know who had been there. Filler seems more invasive.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 26/01/2022 13:29

@Caramelbeans

OP, your body your money and your choice!

I’m 29, recently got lip fillers, I’ve wanted them for YEARS but my DP always said no. I said fuck it and booked it in, it was the best decision I ever made, and has made me feel so much more confident in my self.

I wish I had done it years ago now, as I’ve always been self conscious about my thin lips.

Do it, take no notice of controlling partners.

I hope the people who say it's bowing to societal pressure read comments like this.
katepilar · 26/01/2022 13:33

I do understand that it may have upset someone enough to cry. We dont know what sort of cry that it was and what exactly was said. You didnt mentioned anything that would suggest your partner was trying to control or tell you what to do with your body which is obviously your thing.
I was personally very shocked that my mum /in her 60s/ had her eyelids cut and I cried several times and still feel uneasy about it a year later (especially when I see her pressing her eyes as it pulls/hurts), but she doesnt know it.

IWannaQuitTheGym · 26/01/2022 13:33

Hey lovely, we really are in the same boat. I guess there is a huge stigma around that sort of 'botched' look. I just want it for my forehead.. there might be very very little difference but I'll notice - if that makes sense? It's such a hard one. I cannot get my head around it

You are absolutely right here, I get botox and pretty much no on else notices, but I notice and it makes me feel more confident.

My husband isn't keen on me having it but my face, my decision.

LittleKitten1 · 26/01/2022 13:33

Is she worried that you are going to be more attractive to others and may be a jealousy thing?

I think PP has hit the nail on the head with this!

lap90 · 26/01/2022 13:33

I wouldn't want to be with someone who reacted in that way over a bit of botox and teeth whitening.

ThursdayLastWeek · 26/01/2022 13:34

I don’t deny that your partners reaction seems OTT, possibly manipulative (I would guess not deliberately).

But in her position I would feel the same.

You and I would have completely opposing views on the importance of a woman’s looks, the aging process, instant gratification, the dangers of unnecessary medical treatments etc etc.

You’ve basically told her after 15 years that you’re not compatible anymore IMO

5128gap · 26/01/2022 13:35

@Aprilx

I think I would be put off somebody that started Botox in their 30s, seems like excessive vanity to me and I generally don’t like the idea of it at all. I am bemused about the teeth whitening though and your partner does appear to be over reacting.
It's no more vain than starting when you're older, the motivation to look good is exactly the same. The 30s is actually the optimum time to start botox, if you care about such things, as its preventative.
dworky · 26/01/2022 13:36

She has no right to tell you what to do with your body but she has a right to say she's not attracted to fake features.

TatianaBis · 26/01/2022 13:36

The problem for me with all of this is that women with Botox and/or fillers generally: a. Believe no-one has noticed (they have they just don’t mention it), b. Feel more confident in themselves because of it while actually looking worse.

It’s like a weird cult: everyone convinces themselves no-one knows, that they look better and feel more confident as a result etc.

It’s true that if people start in their 30s it’s not so noticeable - but by their 50s it’s obvious, they start to need more, and that’s when it starts to look really offputting.

yossell · 26/01/2022 13:38

To all those who think the partner is being manipulative, surely there are some body modifications your partner might make which you would find upsetting. Surely there are some which might make you decide to leave?

That's not stopping people from choosing to modify their bodies. It trivialises genuine manipulative behaviour to cry 'manipulation' whenever somebody decides they can't go along with your choices.

Yesyesyesno · 26/01/2022 13:38

She cried a lot and said she’s only attracted to people who aren’t self conscious about their looks.

You should cry a lot and say you’re only attracted to people who aren’t controlling and then get rid of her because she sounds manipulative as fuck.

FredBair · 26/01/2022 13:39

I just wanted to know what your opinion is in people who have Botox? That they're self obsessed/ vain?

Yes vanity. Could that be what she objects to?
I agree tears and histrionics are ott and that would put me off her.

StrawberrySquash · 26/01/2022 13:42

There's a political stance to be taken on Botox and fillers. And it can be linked to the values people hold. I can accept that they make individuals feel happier about things they may always have been conscious of. But you can't divorce this from the messages that we all as a society send about what matters in a person and how a woman 'should' look.

Yes, it's my body and my choice, but we can't pretend those choices aren't influenced by society and that our choices don't have an impact back on society.

So I don't think it's as simple as your partner is controlling.

TatianaBis · 26/01/2022 13:42

I hope the people who say it's bowing to societal pressure read comments like this.

Well it is bowing to societal pressure, and some women with lip fillers look alright, and some look dreadful. Can’t tell which camp this poster falls into.

Generally - insecurity assuaged about thin lips seems to override concern about looking like a weird fish.

RowanAlong · 26/01/2022 13:42

I guess she feels disappointed basically, as you’re not who she thought you were. She thought you were both people who would never consider messing with their faces. No, she certainly doesn’t get to tell you what to do, but she’s not unreasonable to be upset if it’s something she feels is a dealbreaker.

Oilyoilyoilgob · 26/01/2022 13:44

God there’s OP and few more on here that sound like they have very controlling and manipulative parters/family members!
It’s a bit of Botox and teeth whitening, hardly bride of wildenstein territory 🤨

I had my first ever Botox last month in my forehead to ease out a horizontal line that had started to crease between my eyebrows and I absolutely love it! Wish I’d have done it a year ago when this line started bugging me. My forehead is covered by a fringe, so it’s really just me feeling the effects and I couldn’t be happier and will continue. Just had my moulds done at dentist today for teeth whitening and I can’t wait-after a personally rough two years I’m investing in myself and my looks and I’m feeling really great from it.

Don’t let people interfere too much in your life if you can afford it and aren’t going mental with cosmetic treatments, it’s really controlling

userxx · 26/01/2022 13:45

Your face, your choice. Nobody knows when I've had botox, its a non issue.

PrincessNikla · 26/01/2022 13:45

@Yesyesyesno

She cried a lot and said she’s only attracted to people who aren’t self conscious about their looks.

You should cry a lot and say you’re only attracted to people who aren’t controlling and then get rid of her because she sounds manipulative as fuck.

oh yes!

Does she cry when you get your hair cut?
Does she cry when you get your hair coloured?
Does she cry when you get new clothes?
Does she cry when you get new make up?