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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Odd text message from partner

447 replies

OtherNameblahblah · 25/01/2022 16:11

Hi all,

I've been on here for ages - name changed for this as I want it separate to my usual account.

My DP has gone away overnight for a course, he says he told me about it ages ago but I have no memory of this. We were chatting on WhatsApp and while he drives he uses a voice to text feature. We had a normal conversation up until I got a message that said the following;

'I'm waving at Stonehenge for you, it's very misty'

I asked what he meant, he said he meant he was waving at Stonehenge for me as it's cool and it's what people do. I said I'd never heard of this before, and asked if he meant to message someone else saying 'I'm waiting for you at Stonehenge...'

He's insisting that he meant he was waving 'for me' at Stonehenge, which sounds really weird to me. Is this a thing that I've just not heard of?

I'm a bit worried that he was trying to message someone else and sent it to me instead, and his voice to text changed 'waiting' to 'waving'.

Am I being paranoid? He's just changed the subject entirely after doubling down that he meant he was just driving past Stonehenge and that was quite cool. He's a great bloke and I have never had any reason to doubt him until this very moment. I just have a horrible feeling he's fibbing...

Can anyone reassure me that I'm just being a silly old bint??

We've been together on and off for almost 2 years.

OP posts:

Thirtytimesround · 25/01/2022 23:08

I think it was a playful cute message that you’ve ruined by being paranoid and weird.

Thirtytimesround · 25/01/2022 23:09

Also, if he was having an affair he wouldn’t be freezing his balls off at Stonehenge he’d be in a nice cosy hotel or pub. Who says “I’m waiting st Stonehenge” no one.

He was moved by the ancient monument, tried to connect with you in a playful way and now you’re being weird.

Trilley · 25/01/2022 23:18

*I think it's the way it was worded - wouldn't you say something like 'I'm at Stonehenge and just waved!' It just really feels like it's structured in such a way that he meant 'I'm waiting at Stonehenge for you'````````````8

Well no, I wouldn't. If I was waving at something for someone, the way he's phrased it is exactly how I would phrase it. Plus, if I was driving past something, I definitely wouldn't say I was "at" it. If you drove past, say, a castle, would you tell someone you were at the castle?

And, as has been pointed out, you can't really wait at Stonehenge anyway.

JayAlfredPrufrock · 25/01/2022 23:21

I wave at ponies.

neveradullmoment99 · 25/01/2022 23:29

Its a weird thing to say.
Imo it would be, I'm passing stonehenge.

neveradullmoment99 · 25/01/2022 23:30

If he doesn't normally say that it's weird.

midlifecrash · 25/01/2022 23:34

Would have voted yabu multiple times if I could. Often see why something makes someone uneasy but here… no

GlomOfNit · 25/01/2022 23:39

I see the OP has mentioned that she's on medication for her anxiety so I hope that helps, OP and I'm not therefore going to be snarky about reading too much into an entirely innocent remark.

(I 'wave' at familiar landmarks for people, it's a pretty common, if random/silly, thing to say! )

But WhatsApping with a voice-app on a mobile whilst driving is bloody idiotic!! To the previous poster who suggested it's 'just like chatting to a passenger in the car' - no, it is not just like that. A passenger in the car with you, is IN THE CAR WITH YOU. They share your environment.

There are proper, peer-reviewed studies on mobile use in cars which show that holding a conversation with someone outside the car's environment is - with regards to focus and distraction - very different to having a conversation with someone seated inside with you. (I live with a cognitive scientist and he used to work with one of the researchers who pioneered this area of research.) This is why psychologists/cognitive scientists recommended that the government outlaw both conversations on handheld mobiles, AND conversations using hands-free (and of course one of those things remains legal...). Accidents have a lot to do with having a hand tied up with the phone (and giving your brain too many manual things to do in the event of you needing to take evasive action), but also with being distracted by something that is, essentially, taking place outside the environment of the car.

Andouillette · 25/01/2022 23:43

I am glad you are feeling happier now OP. May I gently suggest it might be time to let a little more whimsy into your life? It is a great distraction if you are feeling anxious and you obviously have a whimsical man which is lovely. My DH is not much given to it but he comes up with some really joyous nonsense every now and then which makes everything better. Get waving at things and talking to inanimate objects!

UniversalAunt · 26/01/2022 00:09

‘ You also can't stop to take a picture. Although it's the A303, that part is single lane and is generally congested. To take a picture you'd have to turn off at the roundabout and head towards the visitor centre.’

‘ But you literally can't wait at Stonehenge
There is a road that is always chocka
There is the monument which is surrounded by fields and fences
There is a coach park’

The caff there is rudimentary serving basic fare.

Stonehenge is deep mid-winter is no place for a rendezvous

CPL593H · 26/01/2022 00:12

I would honestly try not to worry as I don't think Stonehenge in January is actually where people would meet for nefarious liaisons (unless he is a Druid, of course?)

me4real · 26/01/2022 00:31

If I was going to text something like that I'd back it up with a photo.

@GatoradeMeBitch Not easy to do while driving down a dual carriageway at 70.

Stonehenge is deep mid-winter is no place for a rendezvous

@UniversalAunt Aw I think it sounds kind of romantic, but then I don't mind a bit of ancient sites etc. I've been at the stones for the Winter Solstice in the past. Granted, my nose was bright red from the cold.

JustKittenAround · 26/01/2022 01:02

FaceTime him at the hotel. He should be pleased you’d send him off to sleep with your face and such.

JustKittenAround · 26/01/2022 01:03

Crap, I didn’t see it had 17 pages! My bad OP!

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 26/01/2022 01:51

Aww this brought back a happy memory for me. Back in the late 90s I used to work in the beer tents at Glastonbury. We used to get the Workers bus down from London a few nights before the festival, and the party started on the bus! There was always a massive cheer when we passed Stonehenge, it was the start of a great week ahead! Happy days!

I wave at all sorts of things too.

Feather12 · 26/01/2022 01:58

It’s the kind of thing my ex would say. He also used to “bye bye house” when he went out. I dumped that cunt for being so twee.

Hawkins001 · 26/01/2022 02:01

He's an intelligence services operative

Mermaidkisses · 26/01/2022 08:56

My husband often sends me odd messages via whatsapp, he sends silly messages constantly, it can be quite annoying tbh.
I wouldn't worry about it, men are generally silly and a little annoying :)

driftcompatible · 26/01/2022 09:23

I don't live far from there and often go past it.

You can't just stop on the road to take pictures etc. He would have drove past.

Think about what he says 'I'm waving at Stonehenge for you, it's very misty'

If he meant waiting and was waiting for someone he wouldn't put that much detail. He would say 'I'm here' or 'I'm waiting' because the person would already know they are meeting at Stonehenge.

Also, Stonenhenge is a huge place. It has a huge car park, activity centre, there's a walk to the stones, lots of little places to stop and read things... if he was waiting for someone there it isn't helpful to say 'I'm waiting at Stonehenge' he would have had to say 'I'm waiting outside the activity centre or something.

Unless he is meeting with someone he told he would give last minute location details too, it doesn't make sense.

'We will meet but j won't tell you until the day'
The day: 'I'm waiting for you at Stonehenge'

It you just think it through your reading of this situation is odd .

Weirdwonders · 26/01/2022 09:30

Stonehenge would be the absolute last place I’d choose to meet someone, especially in the January mist. You get plenty of time to wave at it as everyone slows down to stare / wave at it so you just sit in a massive traffic jam for 20 minutes.

If he’s lying to you, that’s not the lie!

hugr · 26/01/2022 09:34

@ThoseFestiveLights

You can’t WAIT there anyway. There’s not been anywhere to stop since the 70s….

I suppose I imagined the car park across the road when I went there in the 00s then

IamMaz · 26/01/2022 10:16

I'm with you OP.
I would find this really odd.
Do you know the friend in London he is staying with?

LadyFlumpalot · 26/01/2022 10:34

I'm reasonably local to Stonehenge. I agree with other posters. You can't stop and take a photo as you are right on the A303, you also can't "wait to meet someone" at Stonehenge as it's fucking massive, the carpark is a miles walk away across muddy fields from the stones themselves and freezing, windy Salisbury Plain is not in the top 100 places I would choose to meet someone on a cold January morning.

Also, people do wave at it, my kids wave at it every time we go past and that's once a week or so.

I reckon, unless you have cause you doubt, he was being silly over message and you've misunderstood.

LadyFlumpalot · 26/01/2022 10:44

Annnnnd I've just RTFT. I need to remember to do that before posting, glad you're feeling better about it OP!

Skeumorph · 26/01/2022 14:41

He probably was thinking of you OP, constantly... it's just that Stonehenge took over. As it does.

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