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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Odd text message from partner

447 replies

OtherNameblahblah · 25/01/2022 16:11

Hi all,

I've been on here for ages - name changed for this as I want it separate to my usual account.

My DP has gone away overnight for a course, he says he told me about it ages ago but I have no memory of this. We were chatting on WhatsApp and while he drives he uses a voice to text feature. We had a normal conversation up until I got a message that said the following;

'I'm waving at Stonehenge for you, it's very misty'

I asked what he meant, he said he meant he was waving at Stonehenge for me as it's cool and it's what people do. I said I'd never heard of this before, and asked if he meant to message someone else saying 'I'm waiting for you at Stonehenge...'

He's insisting that he meant he was waving 'for me' at Stonehenge, which sounds really weird to me. Is this a thing that I've just not heard of?

I'm a bit worried that he was trying to message someone else and sent it to me instead, and his voice to text changed 'waiting' to 'waving'.

Am I being paranoid? He's just changed the subject entirely after doubling down that he meant he was just driving past Stonehenge and that was quite cool. He's a great bloke and I have never had any reason to doubt him until this very moment. I just have a horrible feeling he's fibbing...

Can anyone reassure me that I'm just being a silly old bint??

We've been together on and off for almost 2 years.

OP posts:

Eyes99 · 25/01/2022 18:24

Driving past stonehenge my family always wave or point at it. Like when you drive by a field of horses - someone always says 'look - horses'.

i mean it sounds weird now but i think it sounds totally plausible message

SoLongDarla · 25/01/2022 18:25

Apologies, I hadn't seen your update regarding the anxiety medication. I wouldn't have added the "relax" at the end of my message, even if meant casually, had I of seen it!

Mydogmylife · 25/01/2022 18:25

@OtherNameblahblah

Thanks again for all the responses, the good, the bad and the ugly!

I actually do feel a bit better, and to answer some previous questions;

We were on and off because we got together via a 'hook up' site and he wanted a relationship but I wasn't ready. I foolishly went with it despite my misgivings and after a few months we broke up because I had recently come out of a 10-year marriage and wasn't ready. We stayed apart for about 6 months and then met up again as friends - this slowly grew into a relationship that I am now very happy in.

He has never given me any reason to mistrust him. It's (as others have deduced) the combination of all three odd out-of-character things, namely going on a course (he's a driving instructor about to undertake his part 3), saying he told me but I don't remember it, sending the message and not booking accommodation until the last second when his friend offered to put him up. I don't know the friend personally but DP speaks of him and he's his best friend.

I've never been to Stonehenge, and have no knowledge so it's good to know how unlikely it is!!

It's usual for him to voice text me rather than call, we both prefer it.

I am being medicated for anxiety, so that's probably part of the reason it sat wring with me. As I said before thank you for showing me I'm being silly, he's a wonderful man and I really love him. Just a paranoid few minutes that you've talked me down from :)

Rather think the ' being medicated for anxiety' is at the roof of all this. Glad you've managed to chill a bit , I get that anxiety is a bitch but honestly I think you talked yourself into this one.

Kshhuxnxk · 25/01/2022 18:25

Glad it's all sorted out. My DS messaged someone on FB the other day - I hope you waved on the way past. The person she was messaging lives in England and was over 30 miles away from where my sister stays. Just a random fun thing.

Dahlietta · 25/01/2022 18:25

Anyone who thinks that message is weird has never driven along the A303!

zaffa · 25/01/2022 18:28

@MommaDuck

Could he have meant waiting at Stonehenge services. When I do long distance and have met people (we go away a lot) I would just name the service station as a meeting point but not the whole thing. For instance we often meet near Rownham services - Southampton. Where I would say ‘I’ll wait at Rownham’s for you’

I actually cannot believe how many people think this is normal behaviour to wave at a monument as you drive past (as an adult and on your own) and then tell your partner m you ‘waved for them’.

First red flag was, him gaslighting sharing he told her he was going away. How likely is it you’d have forgotten this?
I think suspicious and I always go with to gut. My woman’s intuition is always right for me.

It's not really Stonehenge services though, if anything it's the Countess services (after the roundabout). It's really not a plausible explanation for this one

zaffa · 25/01/2022 18:29

@Dahlietta

Anyone who thinks that message is weird has never driven along the A303!

Wheresthebeach · 25/01/2022 18:32

@Imissmoominmama

If he was waiting at Stonehenge, surely he’d just say, I’m here, or describe where exactly he is, so he could be found.

I think he was waving at it!

Yeah this. Take a deep breath.

FFSjustLTB · 25/01/2022 18:34

Aw. He sounds like a keeper, op. X

LaughingCat · 25/01/2022 18:40

Glad to see from your last message that you’ve chilled, OP. Of all the places to do the dirty on your partner, Stonehenge would be one of the weirdest . I, too, wave at stuff all the time and I forget half of what my other half tells me, as he is telling me it.

In other news, how cool that he got to drive past Stone freaking Henge?! I love that place, it’s got such an awesome vibe. But then, I really love very big rocks so it’s made for me. Would love to get on the Samhain ritual there, even not being paganey anymore. So cool.

Lunificent · 25/01/2022 18:41

I think the waving text is innocent. It makes sense to me.
If there’s anything dodgy going on, it’ll be more explained by how he’s sprung this on you, he’s staying with a friend and so on.

Foxglovers · 25/01/2022 18:47

@ThoseFestiveLights

You can’t WAIT there anyway. There’s not been anywhere to stop since the 70s….

I was about to say this!

BigYellowHat · 25/01/2022 18:50

That’s the sort of thing DH would say to me. Even when you’re standing ‘near’ Stonehenge you’re a long way away. So driving past he’d probably be even further. Don’t over think it.

Pawprintpaper · 25/01/2022 18:50

@Footprintsinthegrass

I didn't think you could see it from a main road?

You can

DillDanding · 25/01/2022 18:50

Definitely paranoid!

TravellingSpoon · 25/01/2022 18:51

If I drive down the M11 I always wave to my Dad, even though he lives about 10 miles off it, its just a thing. If anyone else I know is going to London that way I always say 'wave to my Dad', even though they dont know him or where he lives.

Maybe we are a weird family because My Aunt does it too. When she is going up the M1, she will say 'I waved at you when I passed Leicester'.

MommaDuck · 25/01/2022 18:51

@TheVolturi
No he doesn’t …. He is already dead!

Pawprintpaper · 25/01/2022 18:52

@Dahlietta

Anyone who thinks that message is weird has never driven along the A303!

as you crawl past it at 3 miles an hour

MissBridgetJones · 25/01/2022 18:53

It's completely the type of thing DP and I would say.

From our old house you could see the train line... he would 'wave' from our bedroom window when I got an early train in the morning for work....

Mumtofourandnomore · 25/01/2022 18:54

Yes, I wave at things like this too - it seems quite normal to me and he’s just involving you in his journey !!

I have once been guilty of thanking a cash machine when it gave me money - so I’m fine with communicating with inanimate objects……

Kr1spyKr3m3 · 25/01/2022 18:55

Is he Northern Irish? I’d say, whilst passing a landmark, or someone’s home, whilst driving or on the train to someone on the phone that I’ll wave at their home or the landmark as I pass. It’s totally normal to say this, though maybe less so to actually wave.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 25/01/2022 18:55

It's such as shame that he said he waved AT Stonehenge; if only he'd said he'd waved TO it, all this trouble would have been saved.

You need to tell him that, @OtherNameblahblah I mean, make a joke about it, tell him how worried you were and you made it all into a terrible story of him being a Secret Druid there for a Dread Ritual, not that you thought he was meeting another woman there, obviously. If he knows about the anxiety, he'll understand, and you can turn it into a catch-phrase for use if you are upset about something.

Darbs76 · 25/01/2022 18:55

Completely get what he means by that, it’s just a thing people might say give it a wave for me if you say you’re passing your home town or something like that. Doubt he would be waiting for anyone at Stonehenge, you’re being paranoid

BeaLola · 25/01/2022 18:57

I waved at it from the road going past whilst sat next to my DH as we were going somewhere on holiday - traffic was rubbish and earlier on as we got nearer DH asked if I wanted to stop and visit

I said No - I can always wave as we go past

Guess that make me weird to sone on this thread ........

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 25/01/2022 18:57

@Mumtofourandnomore

Yes, I wave at things like this too - it seems quite normal to me and he’s just involving you in his journey !!

I have once been guilty of thanking a cash machine when it gave me money - so I’m fine with communicating with inanimate objects……

It's when you find yourself thanking an automatic door for opening that you need to seek help.

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