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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Odd text message from partner

447 replies

OtherNameblahblah · 25/01/2022 16:11

Hi all,

I've been on here for ages - name changed for this as I want it separate to my usual account.

My DP has gone away overnight for a course, he says he told me about it ages ago but I have no memory of this. We were chatting on WhatsApp and while he drives he uses a voice to text feature. We had a normal conversation up until I got a message that said the following;

'I'm waving at Stonehenge for you, it's very misty'

I asked what he meant, he said he meant he was waving at Stonehenge for me as it's cool and it's what people do. I said I'd never heard of this before, and asked if he meant to message someone else saying 'I'm waiting for you at Stonehenge...'

He's insisting that he meant he was waving 'for me' at Stonehenge, which sounds really weird to me. Is this a thing that I've just not heard of?

I'm a bit worried that he was trying to message someone else and sent it to me instead, and his voice to text changed 'waiting' to 'waving'.

Am I being paranoid? He's just changed the subject entirely after doubling down that he meant he was just driving past Stonehenge and that was quite cool. He's a great bloke and I have never had any reason to doubt him until this very moment. I just have a horrible feeling he's fibbing...

Can anyone reassure me that I'm just being a silly old bint??

We've been together on and off for almost 2 years.

OP posts:
Twospaniels · 25/01/2022 18:58

Perfectly normal

I drive past the village my friend lives in on a dual carriageway bypass, and I often tell her that I waved to her as I went past last Friday (or whenever it was).

Just a jokey thing

primarium · 25/01/2022 18:59

Maybe that's what his family used to do and it is totally normal to him. It is quite a majestic sight, the Stonehenge. There is a plan to put that part of motorway into a tunnel, as drivers slow down there and create a traffic. It is ALWAYS a traffic there.
I kind of tend to wave goodbye to a sea at the end of a holiday, maybe, he has similar habits?

mumwon · 25/01/2022 19:00

I am glad he has showed you (unintentionally) that all is OK

tolerable · 25/01/2022 19:02

phone the landline then

Lollipop858 · 25/01/2022 19:02

I recently started fluoxetine for anxiety and depression and it caused awful paranoid intrusive thoughts, I was so bad I had to come off them. This may be the cause of your added anxiety and intrusive thoughts about DP even if he’s completely innocent. I’m off them now but still get mild intrusive thoughts about DP. Just something to think about

Butchyrestingface · 25/01/2022 19:04

I'm inclined to believe him. If only because, were I were intending to bump uglies with someone on the sly, not sure that Stonehenge in January would be quite the location I'd choose for proceedings...

DamnUserName21 · 25/01/2022 19:04

Do you think he means it as 'waving from Stonehenge at you'..that's how I would take it.
For you to think cheating suggests trust issues. Backstory?

SingaporeSlinky · 25/01/2022 19:05

It sounds totally normal to me. It’s just one of those things people say randomly, especially if he was having a whole text conversation with you anyway, and trying to pass the time during his long drive.

Also, if I had arranged a day out to meet a friend at Stonehenge, I wouldn’t then text them to say “I’m waiting at Stonehenge for you”. I’d text more specifically, like “I’m here, I’ll wait for you at the visitor centre”

ConfusedParticle · 25/01/2022 19:06

More importantly, i would ask myself why this popped into your head.

Why would you interpret it as potentially negative if all is well with your relationship? For instance, this would never, ever enter my head unless we were already at odds or lacking trust. So i would question why you thought it in the first place, as it doesn't bode well.

So either you don't fully trust him, or he has previous form.
It's one or the other.

On a different note, if a DP did this to me, i would not suspect it unless i already considered him faithless. If you trust someone it simply wouldn't occur to you.

Notmenotme · 25/01/2022 19:08

Why would he have an affair at stone henge specifically??

If I ever had the time to have an affair I wouldn’t be doing it in the cold outside at stone henge. What about that programme outlander id hate to fall through to another time dimension whilst having my way with my sexy side man.

Etinoxaurus · 25/01/2022 19:08

Not so much normal but so much more plausible than meeting someone at Stonehenge on a January evening.

WhoWants2Know · 25/01/2022 19:11

I would wave at a big landmark as I pass, like Stonehenge or the Kelpies or giant penis man.

kitty1993 · 25/01/2022 19:11

I live near Stonehenge and yes this is a thing. I think it would be weirder to be "waiting near Stonehenge for you" as it's not the sort of place you can just wait around. It's a car park in a field and you have to pay to get in. I'd definitely say he was waving at Stonehenge.

Midlander88 · 25/01/2022 19:11

My parents-in-law wave up at my OLD office window where I used to work 3 years ago everytime they pass it. People do cutesy but bizarre things like this - I wouldn't worry personally!

Juletide · 25/01/2022 19:12

I've never waved at Stonehenge, but feel a compulsion to do so from now on.

Bouledeneige · 25/01/2022 19:14

Sounds like a completely normal and innocuous thing to say. Not specifically about Stonehenge but at any landmark.

NameChangesforNoman · 25/01/2022 19:15

Are you actually just spooked because he seemed to spring the work thing on you? Maybe you were already on edge.

schoolsoutforever · 25/01/2022 19:16

Sounds really normal - driving past Stonehenge usually has lots of queues, he’s just being mildly amusing. I think you’d be a bit paranoid to get upset about that text message (unless there’s a back story).

weliveinharmony · 25/01/2022 19:18

Sorry to say I think he meant he's passing Stonehenge and waving at it for you, basically you could say this about any landmark, he's being nice and saying he's taking you with him kind of thing!
I can be paranoid like this at certain times of the month, it's funny what hormones make us do 😅

Bignanny30 · 25/01/2022 19:19

Sad that you have so little faith in your partner.

CamomileTeabag · 25/01/2022 19:20

I think you're being paranoid.
I can well imagine getting the exact same message from DP.

theleafandnotthetree · 25/01/2022 19:20

I am happy to tell you that you are indeed being a daft old bint!

AgathaAllAlong · 25/01/2022 19:24

I can see that you've decided it was innocent, but just wanted to add that qaving at stone henge is a thing! It's a bit of a tradition to wave as you go past.

TheFoundation · 25/01/2022 19:25

It's amazing how many people are 100% certain of the situation despite knowing hardly anything about it.

OP, has he given you cause to be suspicious of him? Were you suspicious sometimes before this? Do you usually trust him 100%?

AuntyMabelandPippin · 25/01/2022 19:25

Another one here that waves at the Angel of the North. I'd wave at Stonehenge too.

My DH works across the water from where we live. If I go for a walk there I always wave at him, and text him. He can't possibly see me, but he goes and looks out of the window just in case. Grin