To think that my friend is being ridiculous?

[qwerty1129]

DS is 5, 6 next week and I've been with my boyfriend for over a year but he doesn't live with us yet, he stays over a few nights a week and he always puts DS to bed when he does (DS asks).

On Saturday, my friend was here and so was my boyfriend. Boyfriend went to put DS to bed and I was with my friend, he had been a while so I went upstairs and he was asleep with DS cuddled up to him so I let them sleep.

I told my friend and she said it was ‘weird’ and I shouldn't let DS get attached to boyfriend as he isn't his real dad and he sees his dad (only once a month, sometimes not at all so he sees boyfriend more often).

Aibu here or is my friend being ridiculous?

@Bethany7

I think this is fine O.P.

Good grief!

No OP, no.

Not ok. Your friend is right.

I agree with your friend

@qwerty1129

We've been together for 16 months and before we into a relationship he would occasionally come on days out with me and DS.

He didn't offer to do bedtime, DS always asks him for a story whenever he's over. I don't think he fell asleep on purpose and he did come back downstairs when he woke up

You know your boyfriend can read him a story in the living room, or with you in the bedroom too, right?

On your days out at friends did he take DS to the toilet too?

I agree with your friend.

Another here who agrees with your friend. Your DC "asking" for your boyfriend to put him to bed/read him a story is neither here nor there. YOU are the parent, YOU make the decisions .

I think if it were a female friend putting your son to bed, nobody would mind.
YANBU, it is up to you to decide.

No she’s not, you are

Are you insane OP?

@qwerty1129

We've been together for 16 months and before we into a relationship he would occasionally come on days out with me and DS.

He didn't offer to do bedtime, DS always asks him for a story whenever he's over. I don't think he fell asleep on purpose and he did come back downstairs when he woke up

You just keep drip feeding to justify yourself

YABU. Your friend is right. Way too soon.

I can understand your friend’s concern. If you were married fair enough, but he’s just a boyfriend not even a live in partner. Not a step dad.

I’m single with an almost 6YO DC and it would be a cold day in Hell before I allowed a boyfriend of 1 year unsupervised with them at all, let alone at bed time, ffs.

How many people need to confirm your friend is right before you start to think deeper about this?

Another agreeing with your friend.

And, quite apart from the appropriateness of an unrelated adult being in bed with your young son, I think you've involved him far too much in your son's life if he's already staying over several nights a week -- if the relationship ends, and he sees so much of him, a five year old will be deeply upset, especially if he's more of a 'father figure' than his actual father.

And yet most people condemn me on here for refusing to book anyone to babysit my children or leaving them with family (equally remote as someone in your life for a year I suspect).

@NotQuiteHere

I think if it were a female friend putting your son to bed, nobody would mind. YANBU, it is up to you to decide.

I don’t think putting to bed by a non related person (such as Ford , babysitter, whichever gender) is an issue in itself but getting INTO bed with a child is another level of intimacy in my option, only reserved for the parent.

I’ve known WAY to many child abuse cases when the abuser was the nicest person in the world, and always there to help with putting to bed, personal car etc.

Maybe I’m a “safeguarding freak” because of my work but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Friend not Ford of course *

YABU

16 months really isn’t long enough that your boyfriend should be doing your young child’s bedtime.

Well this is opening the door up for many potential problems isn't it OP? I think this is completely irresponsible of you, I'm sorry.

I don’t think putting to bed by a non related person (such as Ford , babysitter, whichever gender) is an issue in itself but getting INTO bed with a child is another level of intimacy in my option, only reserved for the parent

First, we don't know if getting INTO bed happened. It may well be that the guy was sitting on the chair next to the bed.

Second, if parent is ok, then so must be a grandparent, an aunt, an older sibling etc

It is up to the OP to decide, nobody else.

I went out with someone who was a friend before we started dating , I'd known him since school so ds already knew him. By the time we'd been together not much longer than you we were living together and he had ds when I worked late and Saturdays.

It didn't last forever but ds still chats to him now when he sees him. Ds is almost 27 now

It depends how long you've known him. Not everyone has another parent around to make it easy for your partner and child to stay apart for years

@NotQuiteHere

I don’t think putting to bed by a non related person (such as Ford , babysitter, whichever gender) is an issue in itself but getting INTO bed with a child is another level of intimacy in my option, only reserved for the parent

First, we don't know if getting INTO bed happened. It may well be that the guy was sitting on the chair next to the bed.

Second, if parent is ok, then so must be a grandparent, an aunt, an older sibling etc

It is up to the OP to decide, nobody else.

Did you read the OP?

he had been a while so I went upstairs and he was asleep with DS cuddled up to him so I let them sleep.

Your update changes nothing.

I’m actually kind of worried (and pretty disgusted) about this

so you not even worry about your child’s safety around men? god help him

I think your relationship isn't established enough for that kind of relationship. Think about the impact on your ds if you split.