To think that my friend is being ridiculous?

[qwerty1129]

DS is 5, 6 next week and I've been with my boyfriend for over a year but he doesn't live with us yet, he stays over a few nights a week and he always puts DS to bed when he does (DS asks).

On Saturday, my friend was here and so was my boyfriend. Boyfriend went to put DS to bed and I was with my friend, he had been a while so I went upstairs and he was asleep with DS cuddled up to him so I let them sleep.

I told my friend and she said it was ‘weird’ and I shouldn't let DS get attached to boyfriend as he isn't his real dad and he sees his dad (only once a month, sometimes not at all so he sees boyfriend more often).

Aibu here or is my friend being ridiculous?

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine what you have never fallen asleep early ever and the OP never said a time
He may start work at 5 am what a ridiculous comment to make

@RussiasGreatestLoveMachine

I’m now assuming the DP lugs rocks for a living, to fall asleep at 7 or 8pm….

Reading a bedtime story is enough to send anyone to sleep (except the child of course!).

It's not stated that the BF was in the bed, it just says the DC was cuddled up to him.

Ambiguity in the OP: was the boyfriend actually in bed with your son, OP? Or were they ‘cuddled up’ sitting together or something?

I think it does make a difference. I think YAB a bit U for letting him do bedtime routine unsupervised and alone, for safeguarding reasons and for practical reasons about routine for your son. But if they were in bed together then YABVU.

It's not stated that the BF was in the bed, it just says the DC was cuddled up to him.

Where are you envisaging them both, if they were both asleep and cuddled up together? On the floor? One on a chair and the other in the bed?

Could be a chair. Could be on top of the bed. I usually sat on the bed to read to my DC. Sometimes they'd be in the bed already. Sometimes they'd sit up next to me. I can easily envisage falling asleep from that position.
Sometimes I did bedtime stories for friends' DCs in a similar way. God forbid I had fallen asleep on them!

Think back to his real dad. Did you think that would last? Did you think having a child with him was a good idea? And yet……

Your partner and you have made no long term commitment. Why set your son up for a fall?

YABU. I'm a single parent and would not ever allow this.

@Verbena17

And my post above isn’t saying not to be wary, it’s saying that time isn’t a factor.

Of course it is, what a silly comment.

You need to listen to your friend!

This is not appropriate. Especially the cuddled up asleep bit. I have difficulty imagining that they were anywhere other than in the bed. Put a stop to it.

@Lazypuppy

I think its fine OP, i think its lovely that they are so close.

I think this too, it would be awful to assume all men are predators. Go with your gut.

worriedatthemoment if you read my post properly you would realise I was asking was he a friend before she had a child not before they started dating

YABU. Your friend is sensible.

I think it's fine too OP, lovely that he cares so much for your LO and they have a father figure

My existing the only dad my eldest has known. We'd been best friends for 8 years before we got together. It took another 3 before he was 'dad'. We split up when son was 12 and my ex paid maintenance and had contact with my son.

My ex is still my son's dad. My son is now mid 20s.

He's never met his father.

Someone I'd been doing for a year? No fucking chance!

Ex is not existing 🙄

I think this too, it would be awful to assume all men are predators. Go with your gut.

This sint the main consideration though. The bigger issue is the child becoming attached to an adult who might disappear in a couple of months.

@Bywayofanupdate

I think it's fine too OP, lovely that he cares so much for your LO and they have a father figure

What a stupid comment. This man can care for and be a father figure for this child without spending time alone in his bed with him, he could demonstrate his care and build a bond in a million different ways to this. Falling asleep cuddling up to him in bed is not appropriate, it's basic safeguarding.

Nope
This should not be happening

Wow, I really can't figure out how so many children end up getting sexually abused [SARCASM]

There is absolutely no way I'd be allowing this to happen with a man I''d been dating for only a year. If we were engaged, perhaps, but after one year I'd be casually dating and certainly not having staying over at the family home. Its a safeguarding issue and totally inappropriate imo

Asleep with Op's son cuddled up to him does make it sound as if they were both in bed.

If so, the fact that he thought that this OK would have me not seeing him again.

@Bywayofanupdate

I think it's fine too OP, lovely that he cares so much for your LO and they have a father figure

Daft comment.

He can be a father figure without falling asleep in the boys' bed.

I don't think your putting your child at risk in the way everyone is saying... everyone on here assume all men are predatory and pedophiles, you've certainly asked the wrong audience. I think 16 months is a fair amount of time especially if you were friends first and your son knew him before. You have to trust your gut.
People saying that it's too soon etc, dont realise that if he was intending the worst then he would do harm either now or 3 years down the line so I really don't think that matters.

I think if it were a female friend putting your son to bed, nobody would mind. YANBU, it is up to you to decide.
Agree. Obviously they’re seeing a lot of each other and have known each other 2+ years. I probably wouldn’t let such a person take care of a younger child when I’m not at home - but when I’m at home? (ie just downstairs). Nothing wrong with it at all IMO.