To think that my friend is being ridiculous?

[qwerty1129]

DS is 5, 6 next week and I've been with my boyfriend for over a year but he doesn't live with us yet, he stays over a few nights a week and he always puts DS to bed when he does (DS asks).

On Saturday, my friend was here and so was my boyfriend. Boyfriend went to put DS to bed and I was with my friend, he had been a while so I went upstairs and he was asleep with DS cuddled up to him so I let them sleep.

I told my friend and she said it was ‘weird’ and I shouldn't let DS get attached to boyfriend as he isn't his real dad and he sees his dad (only once a month, sometimes not at all so he sees boyfriend more often).

Aibu here or is my friend being ridiculous?

it's not a blanket ban. And no-one's depriving him of snuggles. He can snuggle with his actual parents

At what point does it become ok to move in, marry, and actually be a step-parent that can do these things with the child if the child wants?

Nor relatives either? Babysitters? Nannies?

No. None of those people have any need to cuddle a 5 year old in their bed.

That's unusual. My grandmother has babysat for me on the odd night and she would get into bed with DD because DD still to this day (6) likes to be cuddled and stroked to sleep after her story. She will struggle to go to sleep otherwise. It wouldn't occur to me to ban trusted family members from doing so.

Fair enough, 16 months is a bit soon for this imo, but I similarly think those saying 16 months is too soon to meet a boyfriend bizarre too.

@CowboyJo I'm a single mum, I will never introduce a man to my child. That does not mean being single forever, it just means I won't force any relationship I have on my child as well. Keep it separate.

Good for you. For many people, their step-parents are their real parents. My cousin's birth dad isn't involved, his mum married my uncle and had their own child together, he has known the non-bio kid since he was about 2, he adopted him. Guess what? He is that non-bio child's dad in the same way he is his bio child's dad, he treats them both equally and they are a successful blended family.

Likewise, I was raised by my step-grandfather! I don't know my dad or my bio grandfather on either side, so he has always been "my real granddad" and what a shame it would have been to be deprived of these things. He is a wonderful man and has supported me and brought so much good into my life. He treated me as he would have treated his bio grandchildren.

[quote Marmarind]**@CowboyJo I'm a single mum, I will never introduce a man to my child. That does not mean being single forever, it just means I won't force any relationship I have on my child as well. Keep it separate.

Good for you. For many people, their step-parents are their real parents. My cousin's birth dad isn't involved, his mum married my uncle and had their own child together, he has known the non-bio kid since he was about 2, he adopted him. Guess what? He is that non-bio child's dad in the same way he is his bio child's dad, he treats them both equally and they are a successful blended family.

Likewise, I was raised by my step-grandfather! I don't know my dad or my bio grandfather on either side, so he has always been "my real granddad" and what a shame it would have been to be deprived of these things. He is a wonderful man and has supported me and brought so much good into my life. He treated me as he would have treated his bio grandchildren.[/quote]
I agree. My son's stepdad is the only one he's ever known. We split up when my son was 12 and he paid maintenance until he was 18 and is still his dad 5 years on. That will never change.

But we took it very slowly.

[quote Marmarind]**@CowboyJo I'm a single mum, I will never introduce a man to my child. That does not mean being single forever, it just means I won't force any relationship I have on my child as well. Keep it separate.

Good for you. For many people, their step-parents are their real parents. My cousin's birth dad isn't involved, his mum married my uncle and had their own child together, he has known the non-bio kid since he was about 2, he adopted him. Guess what? He is that non-bio child's dad in the same way he is his bio child's dad, he treats them both equally and they are a successful blended family.

Likewise, I was raised by my step-grandfather! I don't know my dad or my bio grandfather on either side, so he has always been "my real granddad" and what a shame it would have been to be deprived of these things. He is a wonderful man and has supported me and brought so much good into my life. He treated me as he would have treated his bio grandchildren.[/quote]
That's great for you. But that is not always the case, my own stepfamily situation was horrendous and culminated in me leaving home at 17 as I felt unwelcome in my own home. Not a chance am I going to take that risk with my own child.

*‘Well no, they don't.
They win if we let them molest our children. Not if we keep our children safe.’

This, a million times!

The naivety of some people is shocking. Protect your children always.