To think that my friend is being ridiculous?

[qwerty1129]

DS is 5, 6 next week and I've been with my boyfriend for over a year but he doesn't live with us yet, he stays over a few nights a week and he always puts DS to bed when he does (DS asks).

On Saturday, my friend was here and so was my boyfriend. Boyfriend went to put DS to bed and I was with my friend, he had been a while so I went upstairs and he was asleep with DS cuddled up to him so I let them sleep.

I told my friend and she said it was ‘weird’ and I shouldn't let DS get attached to boyfriend as he isn't his real dad and he sees his dad (only once a month, sometimes not at all so he sees boyfriend more often).

Aibu here or is my friend being ridiculous?

My DF would never have got into bed with myself or my siblings as kids. He used to sit on the floor of our bedroom and read stories to us from there.
My own DH is the same, when ours were little he used to either snuggle up with ours on the sofa to read them or again sit next to their bed.
All of our kids have got into our bed quite regularly but when both of us were in it.
I don't think it's right to let a relative stranger get this close.

Stop letting men who are not your childrens father into their lives!!! Please stop.

@Bignanny30 For God’s sake, nobody is saying there aren’t good people, but in these situations you should err on the side of caution. I feel sorry for all the children of people who neglect to do this, because they want to believe all people are good and want to live a ‘normal life’

No.

@Alcemeg

Tell you what, let's accept nothing short of barrier nursing standards.

@Prinnny

Do you not find it a bit strange your newish boyfriend wants to do bedtime? I think it so weird!

I mean worst case scenario he could be abusing your son but equally your friend is right, this massive blurring of boundaries could leave him emotionally scarred if this relationship doesn’t work out and this man just disappears from his life.

Why on earth is it strange that he wants to read a story and do bedtime??

OP honestly you were never ever going to get anything other than the type of responses you have had. MN is notoriously negative and suspicious of men.

I'd say take it slow and trust your instincts xx

#AutomaticMoon If you read my post I wasn’t saying that we should trust anyone with our children. I was saying how SAD it is that we can’t trust people !

Oh yeah cuz I was really attacking single parents wasn't I?? Here's a news flash - I am one! Why isn't her boyfriend helping in other ways - shopping, tidying, cooking, cleaning - why does he have to do the whole bedtime routine every single night he's there, including getting into bed with the child and sleeping with them?

The thing is he mightnt abuse your ds. But you are teaching your ds bad bounderies.

@3scape I don’t blame you, I think it’s good. I had to be put into voluntary foster care by my mother and that’s where I was sexually abused, while being ‘put to bed’ ( it was a sofa )

@shamalidacdak - so you don’t think single mothers should ever get the chance of happiness again? That they should never have a boyfriend, never re-marry? Mum should just remain single & only live for her children & not herself at all

I think new partners need to be introduced carefully & appropriately but thousands of people re-marry each year. There are millions of blended families. There is zero child abuse going on in the vast vast vast majority of said families.

@lunar1

It's really inappropriate for an unrelated adult to be in bed with your child, I'm not really sure why you can't see that.

You need to do some work on appropriate boundaries and child safeguarding.

Absolutely.

Your child would be such easy prey for someone with bad intentions and you're doing nothing to prevent it or teach your child about safety.

The 3B’s of a stepfamily.

Bums
Beds
Baths

Only to be done by birth parents.

@shamalidacdak

Stop letting men who are not your childrens father into their lives!!! Please stop.

So single mums should be single forever. Got it.

And how about all the stepdads who are there for their children when their biological fathers weren't eh? The stepdad viewed as the children's "real" dad?

BUUUUUUT the thing about your boyfriend cuddling your DS sounds odd though. Neither me or my husband have ever cuddled our kids. we give the little ones a kiss at night or maybe our kids an odd hug every now and then when they're upset or we're proud of them, but cuddling up with them just sounds...uhhh

@shamalidacdak

Stop letting men who are not your childrens father into their lives!!! Please stop.

What an absolutely ridiculous comment 😏

Surely this is a reverse. No parent is this naive.

Where’s OP gone? 🤔

These comments have saddened me, it’s horrible to realise there’s parents that don’t give a shit about boundaries and safeguarding.

At least he's making an effort, although keep a close eye on things op.

It's more your son's need for a good, loving dad that saddens me. He needs that closeness and care of his dad which he's lacking. Could you probably talk to his dad and axplain to him that he needs to be in the child's life more?
If you split, your son will be devastated if he's grown that close to that man.

Your friend is right

@CowboyJo how is weird to cuddle your own kid??

I agree, sorry.

@Bakewelltart987

If this man was abusing this child then surely the child would not ask for him to put him to bed. I would have no problem with him reading a quick story then back down I wouldn't allow the sleeping and cuddling tho that's weird.

So, so naïve. if only you could hear some of the reports from my work.

I actually cannot believe you are asking this question Amd think you need serious parenting lessons

@CowboyJo I'm a single mum, I will never introduce a man to my child. That does not mean being single forever, it just means I won't force any relationship I have on my child as well. Keep it separate.