To think that my friend is being ridiculous?

[qwerty1129]

DS is 5, 6 next week and I've been with my boyfriend for over a year but he doesn't live with us yet, he stays over a few nights a week and he always puts DS to bed when he does (DS asks).

On Saturday, my friend was here and so was my boyfriend. Boyfriend went to put DS to bed and I was with my friend, he had been a while so I went upstairs and he was asleep with DS cuddled up to him so I let them sleep.

I told my friend and she said it was ‘weird’ and I shouldn't let DS get attached to boyfriend as he isn't his real dad and he sees his dad (only once a month, sometimes not at all so he sees boyfriend more often).

Aibu here or is my friend being ridiculous?

That is THE single most ignorant comment I have read on this site in all my years of being on here. How can you be this completely, and deeply ill-informed and ignorant?

Steady on. PP asked a question that, to anyone who hasn’t had much experience or knowledge may well ask. If you are so keen to combat ignorance, an explanation as to why would be far more appropriate than just chucking insults.

Yikes. Your friend is 100% right.
I think you need to put your child first not your own needs.

I worked for a baby sitting agency for many years and have put many , many children to bed who have met me for the first time an hour before. Is this OK because I'm paid ?

It’s ok because A) I assume there was a level of DBS checking, B) you are unlikely to have a relationship with a child and C) if I found you asleep in bed with my child you’d be fired.

Such concerning comments on here. How can people be so ignorant and naive about child abuse.

You are not safeguarding your son OP. Listen to your friend.

Whitecushion putting kids to bed as a paid babysitter is very different to partner falling asleep in bed with a young child and cuddling up. My DD is paid as a baby sitter and has never fallen asleep with those she puts to bed. a ridiculous comparison

@Whitecushion

I've worked for a baby sitting agency for many years and have put many , many children to bed who have met me for the first time an hour before. Is this OK because I'm paid ? A huge over reaction here.

To answer your question: yes.

For obvious reasons.

A bit like how PE teachers are strangers at first but still are present with teenagers in a changing room.

I've worked for a baby sitting agency for many years and have put many , many children to bed who have met me for the first time an hour before. Is this OK because I'm paid ?

Do you fall asleep cuddled up with them?

I would hope a babysitting agency would perform background checks and ask for references. This isn't fool proof, but it helps. A boyfriend generally doesn't have even that basic level of scrutiny. At the very least, it's teaching the child it's okay to blur boundaries since this man is curling up and sleeping with him.

I think your friend has a point.

What could possibly go wrong?

I'd listen to your friend here.

Your friend is right.

I think it is something that can very much depend on individual circumstances, if your son is very comfortable with him and you are comfortable and they have a good bond, it's not necessarily problematic, of course not. But the fact that your friend thought it was weird makes me think she may be seeing or picking up on something that you aren't.

Your friend’s right. You should not be letting your DS get so close emotionally to a man you’ve only been with for a year let alone physically. You do know that some pedophiles purposefully seek out single mothers like you don’t you?

@Bananarama21

Too much too soon your friends right

After a year, when OP's son asks for her boyfriend to put him to bed? That's ridiculous.

You are not safeguarding your tiny son.

@KeepYaHeadUp

And the drip feed about him being a friend before you were in a relationship changes nothing.

But it is relevant. It means OP's son also sees him as a friend. I really can't see anything weird about a bloke who has known a little boy for a long time reading to him in bed.

@Trilley The son shouldn't have even met him yet. And the son asking for him makes absolutely no difference. You are ignorant of safeguarding.

@SE123

Trust your gut, if it was a woman everyone would be saying aw cute

That's because the high majority of pedophiles are men.

Your friend is right.
What's the rush for that kind of closeness?

I think it's lovely that your DS wants your boyfriend to read him a story etc, but I'd be inclined to do it with him.
Like PPs have said, your Bf may not be a constant, whereas you are.
I don't think it's weird, but without being too judgmental, I think it would be nicer if you were involved too.

I know it's nice they are getting on together and there is nothing wrong per say with a story and cuddle before bed but with you there for now. Like say in the lounge with you around. Too soon I say.

[quote Migrainesbythedozen]@Trilley The son shouldn't have even met him yet. And the son asking for him makes absolutely no difference. You are ignorant of safeguarding.[/quote]
But the son knew him as a friend before he became OP's boyfriend. Should single women never let their children meet their adult friends? And if a trusted adult friend becomes a boyfriend, should he stop seeing their children?

@qwerty1129

We've been together for 16 months and before we into a relationship he would occasionally come on days out with me and DS.

He didn't offer to do bedtime, DS always asks him for a story whenever he's over. I don't think he fell asleep on purpose and he did come back downstairs when he woke up

Stop deflecting OP. You know it’s inappropriate

Sorry but I would likely report you to social services for being so careless with your sons safety ,you should be just introducing him at a year in not having him as a Surragate father ! after a year there can be so much you don't know about him and your leaving him unsupervised in a bedroom with your 5 year old ? That's awful !

@Fromthebirdsnest

Sorry but I would likely report you to social services for being so careless with your sons safety ,you should be just introducing him at a year in not having him as a Surragate father ! after a year there can be so much you don't know about him and your leaving him unsupervised in a bedroom with your 5 year old ? That's awful !

Social services would do precisely nothing in this situation.

I have a friend who had a girlfriend of about a year move in with him and his kids. She was helping his daughter in the shower (daughter is 6) and he found out later she'd been molesting her. You can't be too careful.