‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

[Anon778833]

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

It sounds ideal to me too

@BigYellowHat

Maybe think of it as a pre-date? You’re both still scoping out one another, so this way you can chat with no pressure and just say goodbye if it’s not going well.

Exactly, I think this makes perfect sense in a world of online dating. You just need to connect face to face and make sure it's worthwhile pursing it. Then more special or intimate dates come later.

Just be safe OP - stick to somewhere busier like a park or around a village.

I wouldn't do this. It's a personal safety issue. It's also bloody cold at the moment and lockdown put me off walking for good. Coffee is fine and fairly cheap.

Sounds ideal. Test the waters without commitment and keep the intense pressure away. Pick a nice place to walk where you can hear each other, looks at things etc. Coffee\lunch etc always an option if going well. If it does not go so well you get a nice walk out of it.

I agree with PPs- a walk is a good first date (obviously pick a very public and highly populated location during the daytime).

It's much better than drinks, IMO. Drinks always have that awkward moment at the end of the night where you're inevitably asked back to their place and it puts you in an uncomfortable situation more often than not-

• if you say no then you can feel guilty even though you have no need to feel that way
• if you say yes then unfortunately there are men who thinks that means you're up for sex and try it on with you the second you sit on the sofa in the living room/spend the entire time trying to lure you upstairs. Then you're put in an uncomfortable situation where you have to try and leave which on a good day is no issue, on a bad day involves the guy huffing and on an awful day, well I don't need to say it, do I?

(Obviously if you're up for sex and can consent then it's no issue)

Dinners I find horrendous because it's too forced unless you've already chatted with x guy for a longer period of time and therefore have some conversational topics to fall back on. At least with an activity based date, if they're not your vibe you can work with it on a friendly basis and then wrap it up.

Maybe it's a sign that they also like walks! And that therefore you might be compatible.

Sounds ideal to me.

Sounds like a thoughtful person, whoever they are, proposing a walk. You walk and talk in a low pressure sort of way. You'll see things to talk about and you're not stuck staring at each other across a table trying to find something to say.

I'm struck by your desire to be impressed by effort and that you want to be taken somewhere. That may come later, if you're compatible. I reckon making a first meeting a walk is an intelligent, grown-up suggestion. Perhaps you're not grown-up enough to appreciate it.

I do think that with internet dating both of you are on an equal footing, so why would it be for the other person to come up with the plan?

I think if, for example, a man I’d met in real life asked me on a date night would expect the person asking to invite me for e.g coffee or a walk etc. as they’re the instigator. But with online it’s just as much your call as theirs what to do, ideally just find something that works for both.

Also I agree with PPs who have mentioned you picking the location. Ideally it would be somewhere that you're very familiar with, but he isn't so familiar with. Might sound cynical but at least that way if something was to happen/he was just a bit of a weirdo and you had had enough, you'd be able to leave swiftly and know exactly where to go, etc, whereas he wouldn't know the area as well so if he was to try something, it would give you an advantage.

It's absolutely shit that we have to consider these things but it's better to be safe than sorry.

I've had it up to here with bracing countryside walks in the cold/wet over the past couple of years. I'd much rather go for a coffee or a drink in a pub on a Saturday afternoon - if I were you, I'd suggest that instead.

I get that a more dynamic activity like a walk means it can be easier to think of things to talk about but if you're struggling to think of things to talk about on your first date, it's probably not a great sign anyway so better to find out early so you can cut your losses. I met DH via OLD, our first date was lunch in a country pub that ended up lasting 5 hours, which is what you want really.

@MistySkiesAfterRain

I saw a dating coach and she said coffee is perfect for a first date and keep to a couple of hours. Costa Coffee would be perfect for me for a date. If it goes well you will be planning things you can do together.

Whereas I couldn't think of much worse than a date at Costa

I'd much prefer the walk idea - preferably a decent hike up some hills! Couldn't bear to be in a relationship with someone who would rather sit and drink dull coffee than actually be doing something.

If he provides coffee/hot chocolate from the cafe nearby then I'd say it wasn't lazy at all.

I went on a first day to a restaurant and the bloke ordered a three course meal. I found it excruciating, I mean, I married him but the first date was still traumatic!

I'd much have preferred a casual walk. If you don't want to, suggest something else!

@DoodleBelle

I wouldn’t like a walk as a first date. It screams I don’t want to spend any money on you.

Why is that a bad thing though, why the pressure on spending money with or on someone you don't even know if you have any interest in yet? A walk is a good (and yes cheap) way of seeing if you want to spend time with that person in future? Drinks/dinner would be much more fun if you already knew you actually liked the person.

Perfect for me. Informal, low stress.

I think a walk is a perfect first date and have done it a couple of times, the last one with the man that is now my DH!

It takes the pressure off because it's informal and you can chat about things around you if the conversation stalls. I much preferred those kind of dates to going for a meal with someone which can be dreadful if it's not going well.

With my first walking date I think neither of us were feeling it but we had a nice walk and chat then said our goodbyes. With DH it was going really well so we then ducked into a cafe for a cup of coffee.

I'd vote a million times for a walk over a meal for a first date.

Aw DH and I went on a walk date as one of our first dates. I brought my dogs, we got takeaway coffee and walked and talked and it was really lovely. I think it works really well as you soon figure out if you click, how the conversation flows and whether they make you laugh!
Plus we got to compare trucks, and he met the canine companions early! Rather more specific to us tho

As others have said I think it is the perfect first date especially with online dating.

First date with my DH started as a walk, stop for a drink, more walking, stopped for late lunch/early tea, more walking, drinks in a pub, walk back to the station, followed by an agreement to meet up and do it all again (different places) the next day

I think it’s a great idea. My parents went on a walk on their first date.

And men on OLD have a bad rep for wanting to get the woman pissed and try it on, so I actually think this is really considerate and courteous.

Sounds good to me. Have a nice walk, take away coffee and you can get to know them properly. It always baffles me when people go to the cinema for their first date and can’t speak

I agree in thinking it's a bit lazy and low effort (and not in a good way).

I think it depends on whether it's a formal date or just a "let's get to know each other before deciding if we wanna go on a date" sort of thing.

The thing is, men aren't likely to make more effort in the future, so this would bother me.

I’m surprised to read the “says they don’t want to spend money on you” comments- even if they did want to, I don’t want that! And it takes that potential awkwardness away. 9/10 first dates I didn’t want to go on another so would never have accepted the man paying.

Agree with those who say it’s a location dependent.
Countryside no. Dull suburbs no.
Living in London - yes!
So many places for a lovely walk that then turn into endless possibilities for spontaneous add ons whatever the weather. Plus great vibes and so much to discover and see.
Grab a take away coffee or a hot toddy
Sit in a park
Watch street music
Pop into a free museum or gallery
Ride the bus to a favourite pub
Drinks by the river
Dinner on top of skyscraper
The opportunities are endless
Really a walk in London can mean anything you want it to

Nope, not for a first date.

15 years ago I was invited on a first date with a chap I'd been speaking to for over a month OLD meeting him to have a coffee by the sea at tea time- that turned up with his dog for a walk along the beach, no meal nor drink, and he also bought me a houseplant as a dating gift and told me how lovely I was. Back then I didn't mind dog walks but at least pre warn me!

Not the best date ever and he did not get a second date from me!!! (I don't have a dog! Maybe mention that you are using it as a dog walk!!! )

All this scoping out sounds paranoid unless they are really weird and say something red flaggy then the ONLY way to scope someone out is in the flesh. , you will know in 3 seconds if there is physical attraction and a few mins if romantic.... obviously walk in daylight in a public place and have friend ring you to check your ok Have code words for. “ he’s nice” “ help call police”

Ah it's not 15 years meant to type 10 years