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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

437 replies

Anon778833 · 24/01/2022 11:35

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

OP posts:
WindyState · 24/01/2022 11:51

Surely going for a walk and a chat is an ideal way to get to know someone intially?

Are you annoyed you aren't getting a free lunch out of it?

MrsGHarrison87 · 24/01/2022 11:51

I would prefer something relaxed and casual for a first date rather than a proper evening out. That way if things don't go well or you don't like them you can cut things short easier than if it was a big meal with drinks. If things go well you can do that another time. Having said that if I've been talking to someone for a while and I'm a bit invested in them I might expect a bit more. But for a first date with someone I don't really know a walk is perfect.

Dixiechickonhols · 24/01/2022 11:52

I think it sounds nice but if you’d prefer something else suggest that.
You need to think where to walk same as picking a coffee shop or pub.
More relaxed to walk and walk. I’d hate to be in a busy coffee shop with people overhearing first date conversation. No awkwardness over paying.
Assuming it’s not totally deserted route a public place is good.

lavender2022 · 24/01/2022 11:52

YABSWU which stands for You Are Being SomeWhat Unreasonable.

A walk for a first date is lovely. A great opportunity to not only take in your surroundings, but to chat and get to know each other. Maybe suggest a stop at a local café for a coffee after the walk?

Bollindger · 24/01/2022 11:52

Why don't you ask to meet up for a coffee first, on you. So not even £10.
You can see if you like the other person in the warm. Can see if they offer to pay. Make sure you say no the coffee is on me, as my idea. This way if they offer a meal , your safe to ask is this Dutch or their treat.

user1497207191 · 24/01/2022 11:53

I'd absolutely love a walk as a first date. For me, it would remove a lot of my social anxiety. Going on a walk gives you a lot more opportunities for discussion, i.e. talking about what you see on your walk, wildlife, views, scenery, plants, etc - far more scope than having to talk about yourself in a pub or restaurant when you've exhausted talking about the menu or furnishings! As others have said, plenty of scope to cut it short or extend it by changing the route, scope for a coffee/cake en-route and plenty of flexibility for arranging a second date, i.e. "we could walk the other way next time...." More than anything, though, is that having a "date" in the daytime avoids the awkward end of evening moment when there's pressure for a late night goodbye kiss (or more!) etc.

diamondpony80 · 24/01/2022 11:54

I wouldn't consider a walk to be a "date" but it's a good way to build a friendship and get to know someone.

Hont1986 · 24/01/2022 11:54

Great first 'date', although it's more of an introduction than a date I would say.

  • Free
  • Low effort
  • Can easily shift plans to extend the date
  • Can easily cut it short if it's a disaster
  • Usually a public place, so safe
  • Sifts out the timewasters looking for a free meal
phishy · 24/01/2022 11:56

Why don’t you put in a bit of effort? Why is the onus on him?

phishy · 24/01/2022 11:57

Or her

Chely · 24/01/2022 11:57

Sounds like a nice relaxed kind of date to me, pretty good idea.

Tal45 · 24/01/2022 11:58

I would find that perfect - is there somewhere nice you can walk though? Walking the suburb of a city wouldn't be my idea of a good time.

Morechocolatethanbarbara · 24/01/2022 12:00

I think a walk is great for chatting and getting to know someone.

MrsBertBibby · 24/01/2022 12:00

My first date with my oh started with a walk. Then it moved on to lunch at the British Museum, another walk, a mooch around Tate Modern, dinner at TM and full on tongue sarnies all the way to London Bridge.

Walks are great Grin

Curiousmouse · 24/01/2022 12:01

Definitely somewhere with other people about, unless you know them in another context already. Safety is important.

Sunpotter · 24/01/2022 12:02

My first date with my wife was a walk, admittedly this was during lockdown when they had only just allowed meeting outside, but it was great.

All the points others have made, but also you get to see the person (and they see you) as they are normally. No getting dazzled by nice restaurants and fancy clothes. Do you enjoy their day-to-day looks and personality?

It also makes it exciting to go on your first 'fancy' date as you aren't anxious, having previously met, and you get to then see them polished up. Perfect order of things IMO.

5128gap · 24/01/2022 12:02

He may have suggested it because he's keen on walking, or short of money, or thinks it gives a more wholesome impression than a pub, or because he's tight, or because it's (usually) a neutral and uncontroversial suggestion. Unless you meet and get to know him its guess work. I wouldn't read too much into it and make it more complicated than it needs to be. He's suggested a walk. If you fancy it, agree, if you'd prefer something different, suggest that instead.

Merryoldgoat · 24/01/2022 12:04

It’s a no from me because I don’t like walking. I don’t get any pleasure from a walk so if they did it would be quite a compatibility issue.

itsgettingweird · 24/01/2022 12:04

I'm wayyyyyyy out of dating practice.

But that sounds ideal!

Somewhere relaxed, public, good chance to talk and get to know each other, Booking.com for coffee if getting in well. Can extend to staying out later for pub dinner if you're comfortable around each other. Much better than starting there and it feeling forced and uncomfortable.

The only thing I'd want is a walk somewhere fairly innocuous. So no tough hills and mud etc. I love this type of walk but not something I'd want to do on a first date!

Shoxfordian · 24/01/2022 12:04

I don’t like walking either
Plus it costs nothing which could mean he’s a bit cheap; I wouldn’t go with it op

PeachCottonTree · 24/01/2022 12:04

I love a walk for a first date. Great way to get to know someone and silences are more comfortable whilst walking. Like others have said, if it’s going well you can stop for a coffee.

I’ve had a few first dates that were walks, all were lovely and lasted longer than just a coffee shop date. With now DH we ended up walking for 4 hours we were getting on so well on our first date.

SerendipitySunshine · 24/01/2022 12:05

I'd like it - again somewhere safe and public. Even better if he has a dog to walk with. My nightmare first date would be a formal dinner, where I'd have to stay to the end of the evening even if it was awkward, and then have the awkwardness of who pays. I'd much rather keep it light.

rainbowandglitter · 24/01/2022 12:05

A walk is so much better than a formal sit down date for me. You don't have to sit staring in each others faces, there's scenery etc to give you things to talk about, other people are around so its safer, I hate being watched while I'm eating (and I'm a really slow eater) so would hate to have a sit down meal for a first date.

Fink · 24/01/2022 12:06

Perfect first date, with plenty of opportunity to start to get to know one another (which is why I think things like cinema, theatre, museum etc. are terrible first dates). They can show you a place they like, it's public so fewer safety concerns. Plus, if they're the sort of person who enjoys walking as a free time activity, they can easily sift through other people who are on the same wavelength! Ideal.

godmum56 · 24/01/2022 12:06

@DoodleBelle

I wouldn’t like a walk as a first date. It screams I don’t want to spend any money on you.
why would you want money spent on you....what about YOU spending money on them?