‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

[Anon778833]

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

I think it's a great idea, but everyone is different. It's OK if you just don't like it.

I don't think it's necessarily a sign of being lazy or cheap. Walking around can help people feel more comfortable chatting sometimes than being sat across a table in a coffeeshop! Plus you get the fresh air and exercise of a nice walk.

If you don't care for the idea, don't accept, and suggest something different.

I'm not really fussed about having men prove that they're willing to spend money on me, but it depends on what your priorities are and how you value people.

anyway, good luck, hope you have a nice time!

Yep, we did it with my Ex.
Walked around the suburb fir about an half.
Not much talk as both were very shy.
Ended up sitting outside local library quietly.

This was 17 years ago.
I just talked to him a week ago and he mentioned that first date and we both had a laugh about it.

My first few dates with my DP were all walks and at this time of year. Three years later we're going strong. We happily spend money on each other but at the time my employment situation wasn't great and I couldn't afford to date properly. I didn't want him paying for me, what with it actually being the 21st century and equal rights being a thing. So walks were perfect since we both genuinely enjoy walks. It's also good because any potentially awkward pauses you can just look around and admire the view, and that will often mean you spot something you can talk about.

Just don't decide to meet in the middle of Dartmoor if it's someone you don't know from Adam.

My concerns would t be about laziness but about safety - I wouldn’t go walking with a strange man in a secluded area, it would have to be busy and built up

*wouldnt

This is a date. What would you suggest, OP? Much better than staring at each other across a table in a bar or restaurant and being stuck for conversation.

Obviously, if you meet him, like him and every date is a walk then yes, he’s tight, but it seems a very sensible first date idea.

Maybe he's suggested it because he's also scoping you out and trying to sift out people who will expect grand gestures from day one.

Your post made me smile, sounds like a lovely way to get to know someone 😊

4thtimethecharm

I don't like the walk first- I like a coffee at a place where you can then have a stroll after the coffee if it's going well.
There's a lovely wetland centre near me that I used . I feel trapped on a walk -have to be on it to get back to car for example whereas I feel I can just leave a coffee shop

I think side by side chatting is less pressure than across table in coffee shop. It’s like with teens they suggest conversations in car mine definitely opens up more like that.
You probably find out more about compatibility out and about. I’m married but I’d be looking for someone who was friendly and took note of surroundings, who smiled at people. I like walking so someone who wasn’t moaning it was cold or too far.
Easy to say goodbye at end or would you like a coffee.
Agree be safe not isolated but I’m in a village and we have lots of well used nice walks.

I think it's an ideal way to get to know someone, chat about everything without worrying if there's a little lull in the conversation that you have to fill it, no worries about having to spend money you haven't got or awkwardness about splitting the bill. Also from his perspective it filters out people who want money spent on them which is probably a red flag for some and does not indicate he's mean with people who are important to him, just that's he not wasteful on people who are not (yet) important to him.

depends if it is a first date or it is your first meeting.

I don't want to be stuck on a walk for a first meeting - I want that to be fairly short so I can see if I want to go on a first date

It has some advantages but I’d be wondering if he was a cheapskate.

I'd love it. It's a chance to chat to someone without the intensity of sitting down staring at each other in a cafe. Walking helps calm nerves too and it is open ended, so you can leave after an hour if you feel it's going nowhere, or move on to a cafe or bar if you want to find out more.

It's not for me.
I'd much rather meet in a pub have a drink and you can people watch if he's a pain in the arse 🍷😂 or escape to the toilet.

I hated the 'walk as a first date' sprung on me as I was trapped on a long walk with someone -(on the beach early eve with other people around) after 45 mins I was saying 'let's turn around and walk back to the cars', with him saying 'I want to show you my favourite place' (another 30 mins both ways walk away, so in his head he expected 2.5 hours where I couldn't leave except I was saying 'another time maybe"!).

Have a coffee out, then go for a walk if you both still want

From experience, depends on the walk! I quite like strolls around parks, etc with coffee for a first date when you're filtering and then, if all goes well, plan something a bit more extravagent for next time.

My last walking date ended up being a full-on ramble across the countryside for a couple of hours though, and wouldn't be keen to do it again. The person was nice enough, though know spark, and did feel a bit stuck as we were committed to completing this pre-planned trail when, probably, we both knew it wasn't going to go any further after the first hour or so.

Nothing wrong with a walk fir a first date… but maybe not in freezing cold weather like this.. I’d end up with a bright red, snotty nose!!

though no* spark

It put me off him. As nowhere does he think about how I might feel. Trapped in a 1:1 (& his dog) with me wanting to get back in my car to go home. I mean £3 for a coffee? We could have each paid but don't create a situation where the other person can't leave on first date - they're stuck walking back with you even if they do get fed up!

I prefers pub or coffee first date. Out for a Meal ? meh, that's 2nd date territory. A long walk afterwards can arise from either if you are enjoying each other's company and chatting away.

@Itsnotover

Thank you. I don’t mean physically lazy, I mean can’t be bothered to think of an actual date. I like walks so it’s not that I have a problem with the actual walk, rather I’m scoping out this person.

How about the laziness of assuming it's the other party's responsibility to make the date suggestion?

Come on OP - I'm all for your commendable desire to do proper 'sifting', but you have agency here too.

What dates would be fun or interesting to you?
Suggest them, & if your potential dates like them too, bingo! - you've established rapport & a chance to get on each other's wavelengths.

Im literally in an uber going to meet a first date for a walk.

No to first date walks as I would not want to potentially end up in a quiet place with a man I don't know well.

I was attacked on a beach where others were nearby and no one helped me.

Also I'm quite unfit at present and the thought of walking on a slight gradient for example while talking is not a pleasant one.
(I'm trying to get exercise now but it takes time to get fit ok).