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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

437 replies

Anon778833 · 24/01/2022 11:35

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

OP posts:

Comedycook · 26/01/2022 12:20

My now husband of ten years did walking days for a good few months before finally going for a meal

Months before you went for a meal?! Wtf! You had walking dates for months.... That sounds absolutely appalling.

Itsnotover · 26/01/2022 12:20

He's never bothered to ask me about myself either. I'm at a point in my life where I've put up with so much shit from different men then I'm not going to risk more of the same even if I was wrong.

Itsnotover · 26/01/2022 12:22

A lot of them weren't describing a random walk in your local park as a date (or even one where you just "see where you end up"), they were describing days out to particular attractions, which are something else entirely.

Yes, exactly.

BertramLacey · 26/01/2022 12:41

@Itsnotover

I wonder if this will make people reassess whether a walking date really is any good. But what some people describe in such a context is entirely different and more thoughtful. This wasn't one of those times.

It doesn't make me reassess my opinions on walking dates, no. They are the basis of my current relationship and it would be odd for me to reassess that on the basis of a second hand account of the behaviour of some random bloke on the internet. It might make me rethink my opinion of your prospective date and your opinion of him.

As people have tried to point out, a walking date on its own is neither a good nor a bad thing. It works for many people. It worked for me and my DP. It doesn't on its own spell cheapskate or low effort. If it's not what you want, that is fine. Several people here agree with you, not that you should really need their good opinion to decide, but it might help to know. That's fine. If you don't like the prospect of a walking date, it's okay. It's just not your thing. A bar wouldn't be my thing because they can often be noisy and where I am, you'd have to drive to get to most of them so I couldn't even drink anyway.

For whatever reasons OP I think you're just realising that this man isn't for you. This is also fine. You don't owe him anything more than common courtesy, certainly not a date. Just message him to say thanks but no thanks and move on to someone you feel comfortable with who is offering more of what you do want. Find someone it feels easy with, for you.

Notwithittoday · 26/01/2022 12:46

@MangoM

My now husband of ten years did walking days for a good few months before finally going for a meal. I thought it was a great way to chat without the distraction of ordering food, worrying how you look while eating, etc.

I think it might be a good indication of an outdoorsy personality on his part. If you're so horrified at the idea of going for a walk it might suggest you're not very compatible.

It might be a great indication of a boring, tight wad as well.
Months of walking dates?!

Itsnotover · 26/01/2022 13:32

@BertramLacey yeah I completely get where you’re coming from. I think that some walking dates probably are good. It’s just that in my case (and maybe some others) I got a gut feeling which I should have listened to.

Traumdeuter · 26/01/2022 13:47

worrying how you look while eating, etc.

That’s going to be a long anxious marriage! Have genuinely never considered how I look whilst eating.

OP, seems like you’ve made a decision that suits you. Onward and upward!

MangoM · 26/01/2022 14:02

@Comedycook

My now husband of ten years did walking days for a good few months before finally going for a meal

Months before you went for a meal?! Wtf! You had walking dates for months.... That sounds absolutely appalling.

Seeing as it's a hobby and we were both happy to do it not sure why anyone should be outraged. It was a mutual decision. Sometimes it would a planned route, sometimes include a garden/grounds and sometimes just follow a footpath and see where it took us. We'd often stop at a pub for a drink and usually bring a picnic. After a few of these we started bringing more interesting homemade picnic foody bits to share with each other which was lovely.

Both of us had done plenty of dating where the only thing the other person ever wanted to do was go out to eat and I found it got a bit samey after a while. It also meant I felt the pressure to dress up all the time and couldn't be myself.

To clarify, we do both enjoy eating out but never particularly enjoyed doing it as a dating activity with someone new. Nothing wrong in that!

MangoM · 26/01/2022 14:09

Why is walking seen as a tightwad activity rather than a hobby that people actually enjoy?

My point was (before the thread got distracted by my dating preferences) that everyone has different likes/dislikes. If you agree on what sort of date you go on even if it's not the norm, it shouldn't matter what others think. If you've got an issue with his suggestion, either work it out or move on

user1497207191 · 26/01/2022 14:22

@Comedycook

My now husband of ten years did walking days for a good few months before finally going for a meal

Months before you went for a meal?! Wtf! You had walking dates for months.... That sounds absolutely appalling.

It depends. My and OH met through a mutual hobby and it was probably a year or so before we went for an "official" date meal despite spending ever increasing amounts of time doing things together over those months. We've been together for 35 years now, so a slow burn worked for us.

melj1213 · 26/01/2022 17:29

@MangoM

Why is walking seen as a tightwad activity rather than a hobby that people actually enjoy?

I agree with this and I think that people have different ideas of what "walking" entails based on their experience and circumstances.

I live in a town on the NW coast and right on the edge of the Lakes where there are lots of established and well known walking trails as well as many NT and English Heritage properties nearby. So for me, a walk means either a stroll along one of our many beaches or nature reserve, along one of the walking trails or in the grounds of one of the NT/EH properties. I also used to live in the centre of Madrid where the city centre has a lot of historic and cultural sites in close proximity so a stroll through the city centre gives you lots of interesting things to look at and talk about - I used to love just taking DD in her pram and walking the streets and admiring the architecture and learning about the history of different buildings while she napped.

For some people who don't have beaches/walking trails/AONB nearby then a walk would literally be through their dreary town centre or round the streets because there isn't anywhere else to go so the idea of a "walk" is not an enticing prospect.

CRbear · 01/02/2022 11:28

I’ve got an interview after my application! Not until April. References have been contacted and doing those this week. Long process but step 1 done!

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