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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

437 replies

Anon778833 · 24/01/2022 11:35

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

OP posts:
Dogmummy1980 · 25/01/2022 14:42

I think it’s a great first date!

Mine and DPs relationship developed a lot through walks in the early stages of our relationship - it was summer, we took my dog out and grabbed ice creams and pints at pubs we passed. Absolutely blissful. And each time we have done the same walks since, I’m reminded of those early days together.

Good luck on your date if you decide to go on it!

hivemindneeded · 25/01/2022 14:43

@phoenixrosehere

I know it's not the point of the thread @phoenixrosehere but did you never feel bad about not sharing costs? I'd find that really off putting (I mean you married him so he's clearly a good guy but didnt you mind?)

In the beginning it did a little, but I also offered to pay and he said no so didn’t push it and took him at his word. Here was a guy who I’m attracted to, we enjoyed each other’s company, had similar views on the most important things, and enjoyed many of the same things. Yes, he paid for things when we ate out and drinks, but we also were in the same mind that we didn’t need to spend a lot of money to have fun and there were tons of free events and things to do where we lived. Many of our dates were us walking around the city (where we lived had lots of amazing architecture and history, something we both love) and the parks, going to the beach, the zoo (free and next to the beach), museums (majority of them are free) or at his place having Red Dwarf or Father Ted marathons while we cuddled on the couch. I did cook for him so I did spend money there if you want to count that. 95% of our dates were probably under £25 other than when he wanted to try new restaurants (he’s a foodie).

Never mind the man, I want the town. Where did you live, it sounds amazing?
Dogmummy1980 · 25/01/2022 14:46

Out of interest have you looked up walks in your area? Perhaps suggest a route to him. We use an app called all trails and it brings up all the walks in your area along with the route that can be followed with your phone gps - so no risk of getting lost. Also gives you the length of the route and a general time it will take you to do it. I’d definitely recommend having a look

theleafandnotthetree · 25/01/2022 14:47

@Dreamsofholidays78

It’s also winter, it’s nice to dress up for a date not wear your thermals and woolly hat
Most men I have ever been with have said they find me (and other women) most attractive when they are natural and windswept and in normal clothes. And unless you're living in Antartica, no real need for thermals or even a wooly hat most days..
Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2022 14:55

"And unless you're living in Antartica, no real need for thermals or even a wooly hat most days.."

Depends on the person. I need them all winter, but I would need them for the pub too because of the journey to get there and in case the place is drafty.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2022 14:57

"Red Dwarf or Father Ted marathons"

It took me a bit to realise what you meant there.

DrSbaitso · 25/01/2022 14:57

Most men I have ever been with have said they find me (and other women) most attractive when they are natural and windswept and in normal clothes.

Even if I believed them, it wouldn't change the fact that I don't feel very attractive in my fleece, shell jacket and lace up hiking boots. Not first date attractive, anyway.

Cheekypeach · 25/01/2022 14:57

@Dogmummy1980

Out of interest have you looked up walks in your area? Perhaps suggest a route to him. We use an app called all trails and it brings up all the walks in your area along with the route that can be followed with your phone gps - so no risk of getting lost. Also gives you the length of the route and a general time it will take you to do it. I’d definitely recommend having a look
Please don’t go walking through remote fields and woodlands with a stranger.
phoenixrosehere · 25/01/2022 15:04

@hivemindneeded

We lived in Chicago, in the States. We lived in the Lakeview neighbourhood. If I had to compare the neighbourhood to somewhere here, I would say it reminds me of Marylebone High Street and you would place Regent’s Park (with zoo included) east of it and then plop a massive lake next to the park.

phoenixrosehere · 25/01/2022 15:07

Even if I believed them, it wouldn't change the fact that I don't feel very attractive in my fleece, shell jacket and lace up hiking boots. Not first date attractive, anyway.

What is first date attractive?

Are you going to look different on the second or third date?

Itsnotover · 25/01/2022 15:07

Most men I have ever been with have said they find me (and other women) most attractive when they are natural and windswept and in normal clothes.

I think if you believe that you'll believe anything, sorry 🤣

Itsnotover · 25/01/2022 15:09

If first impressions are so unimportant then why do people not go to job interviews in their onesies?

BertramLacey · 25/01/2022 15:17

@Itsnotover

Most men I have ever been with have said they find me (and other women) most attractive when they are natural and windswept and in normal clothes.

I think if you believe that you'll believe anything, sorry 🤣

I think men are, on the whole, pretty good at figuring out what you look like naked, regardless of what you're actually wearing. My OH likes it when I dress up but doesn't seem to find me any less attractive when I'm in hiking gear, because he knows what's underneath. And I know quite a few men who find a full face of makeup a bit off-putting, for various reasons. And there's a difference between looking at someone in full evening wear and high heels and thinking she's stunning, and seeing someone dressed far more ordinarily and finding them attractive.

I mean wear what you like, dress for you. A lot of the time when I dress up the effort is more for me. My OH just finds me sexy whatever. And no, I'm not being naive about this. He's not capable of saying things for the sake of it, notoriously so.

DrSbaitso · 25/01/2022 15:22

@phoenixrosehere

Even if I believed them, it wouldn't change the fact that I don't feel very attractive in my fleece, shell jacket and lace up hiking boots. Not first date attractive, anyway.

What is first date attractive?

Are you going to look different on the second or third date?

On a second or third date I'll probably be more relaxed. For my first impression, I want to be in clothes and an aesthetic that flatter me more.
DrSbaitso · 25/01/2022 15:26

@Itsnotover

Most men I have ever been with have said they find me (and other women) most attractive when they are natural and windswept and in normal clothes.

I think if you believe that you'll believe anything, sorry 🤣

I know exactly what responses you'll get with this, but you're right.
veevee04 · 25/01/2022 15:30

I personally wouldn't like it , I don't go for leisurely walks in winter unless I have too don't like the cold I will walk to the shop and that's it. The exercise I do is in the warm gym . If he suggested a walking date then the 2nd or ,3rd date was a takeaway at his and Netflix and chill I would assume he was grooming me to be very low effort and didn't think I was worthy of being a proper girlfriend. Men sadly do this now.

Me and my OH went on various dates cinema , meals , trips away and always split the costs. A walking date is fine initially but if he still suggests it then other low effort things I'd have to bin.

Itsnotover · 25/01/2022 15:30

It's completely disingenuous to say that on a first date it makes no difference what you wear or how you present yourself. That doesn't mean I'm saying that your partner won't find you attractive in any other kind of clothing or dressed down. But first impressions do count for a lot.

As for guessing what someone looks like naked I'm not really in agreement. I've had a few shocks in my time. 😬

Furthermore, dressing up for a date should be primarily to enjoy having the opportunity to dress up and feel confident for yourself.

FourChimneys · 25/01/2022 15:36

Sounds perfect to me but DH and I met through mutual walking friends. I knew him for a couple of years before our first official date, which was up Helvellyn. He brewed me hot chocolate on his little stove. Still walking together regularly after over 30 years of marriage.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2022 15:47

"I think if you believe that you'll believe anything, sorry 🤣"

Ha ha. It's a bit like men say they don't like makeup on a woman, but they also like women who look good. They don't like women who are dieting, but they do like women with good figures...

On the other hand, you can wear tight jeans, and a warm coat that goes in at the waist to go for a walk and I would personally have to wear something like that for the pub too in winter. It doesn't have to be 'unflattering hiking gear' like someone mentioned above.

phoenixrosehere · 25/01/2022 15:47

On a second or third date I'll probably be more relaxed. For my first impression, I want to be in clothes and an aesthetic that flatter me more.

Got it. I go by dress code, venue, and weather.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2022 15:49

"I think men are, on the whole, pretty good at figuring out what you look like naked, regardless of what you're actually wearing."

Not always. Some of them are a bit dim about flattering clothing.

phoenixrosehere · 25/01/2022 15:55

On the other hand, you can wear tight jeans, and a warm coat that goes in at the waist to go for a walk and I would personally have to wear something like that for the pub too in winter. It doesn't have to be 'unflattering hiking gear' like someone mentioned above.

Agree. Never wore “unflattering hiking gear” on any of my walking dates regardless of temperature. There are many options even in winter that are fashionable for a walking date.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/01/2022 16:05

"Never wore “unflattering hiking gear” on any of my walking dates regardless of temperature. There are many options even in winter that are fashionable for a walking date."

I do think proper hiking trousers aren't flattering, but you don't need those to go for an hour or two's walk in town. Same for hiking shoes, you just need warm boots or something.

Comedycook · 25/01/2022 16:08

@phoenixrosehere

On a second or third date I'll probably be more relaxed. For my first impression, I want to be in clothes and an aesthetic that flatter me more.

Got it. I go by dress code, venue, and weather.

It's pretty unsurprising that lots of people want to look nice on a date....it's part of how humans attract a mate...
DrSbaitso · 25/01/2022 16:12

On the other hand, you can wear tight jeans

Maybe you can!

I'm not sexy in outdoor gear. I wear it often enough to know. I don't want to dress for cold weather and be in cold weather when I'm trying to look and be at my best. I especially don't want to do this when it's just to satisfy a bloke whose priority when meeting me for a first date is to ensure there's no chance he might be expected to fork out a couple of quid. Which is what this is about 99% of the time. Maybe if we were off to see wild flowers in spring. Another walk in a gloomy January after 18 months of having nothing else? And looking like a sack while I do it? Nah.

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