‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

[Anon778833]

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

it’s also letting him know that you are content with him offering zero (well maybe some blisters)

Yabu. Perfect first date. How that lazy ..you walking?

@Shoxfordian

I don’t like walking either Plus it costs nothing which could mean he’s a bit cheap; I wouldn’t go with it op

Why should you assume he would pay. It’s 2022 for heavens sake.

@WindyState

Surely going for a walk and a chat is an ideal way to get to know someone intially?

Are you annoyed you aren't getting a free lunch out of it?

This

@DrSbaitso

So the difference between a date being low effort or not is £3 on a latte?

It's the difference between having a coffee and meeting a bloke who finds the thought of buying you a £3 drink so heinous that he'd rather you went shuffling around outside in heavy outdoor clothing in January. And then still doesn't even want to think about where to go.

Or maybe he just likes walks or thinks it's a nice thing to do?

Or maybe he just likes walks or thinks it's a nice thing to do?

He doesn't like them enough to plan a route or go far from his house (where OP suspects they'll end up)?

If he asked me out then I would expect him to pay; same as I would pay when I asked him out @granny24

• Or he wants to go for a walk because it is a no pressure first meeting and he doesn't want tonstart making additional plans ... to me "We could see where we end up" would mean "Let's meet up first before we make any more plans and see how it goes.

This. OP, you already seem negative about the situation, abd trying to find a fault when it’s only a first date.

Some of my best dates, including my DH was walking around just talking about whatever came to mind. Saying that, we lived in a city with parks,
beaches nearby, a zoo, things to look at and talk about and many places to stop for a bite or a drink and then go our separate ways.

Going for a walk is super low effort suggestion on his part. I can't believe so many people have voted yabu. They seriously need to raise the bar. If a man can't commit enough time and money to even have a drink or a coffee with you then he usually isn't worth it.

My bar is pretty good thank you. My DH lived in one country and had a second home in another when we met (didn’t find this out til later.). He took me to his fave steakhouse in the city for our next date after our walking date. When I couldn’t decide on desserts, he told me to just get both. He still does that now after over a decade together whenever I’m torn on about anything. There wasn’t a date that I ever spent money on even though I offered, other than buying him soup when he was poorly before one of our dates.

I know it's not the point of the thread @phoenixrosehere but did you never feel bad about not sharing costs? I'd find that really off putting (I mean you married him so he's clearly a good guy but didnt you mind?)

@granny24 why don't you read the thread properly? I've already stated at least once that I don't even like eating with anyone on a first date.

I'd rather a walk than a meal.

It’s a good idea in terms of the practicalities mentioned above; but it also screams cheap/low effort/unimaginative on behalf of the person who suggests it. I don’t think tramping around a rainy park with a stranger sounds like fun.

Some people on here seem to have really weird ideas about what's involved in going for a walk. Well, in fairness it could be that some of you live in Quebec and never have a day above zero for the entire winter, but I suspect many of you are in England where it's just a bit mild and you need a coat, not the multiple layers of thermals, bearskin hats and snow shoes half of you seem to think are a prerequisite.

There's plenty of nice, smart gear that you can walk in, even in winter. And it doesn't have to be a dreary plod round the block, picking up dog poo on the way. Neither, and I hate to break it to you, does a walk exactly correlate with a total lack of marriage prospects.

Now the man OP has been messaging may or may not be a cheapskate. He could be angling to end the date back at his. He could be bone idle but if he is, the fact that he has suggested a walk does not constitute firm evidence of anything either way. Clearly OP you're not getting the right vibe off him, for whatever reason, in which case you really aren't obliged to go. But some posters' absolute insistence that there's some deep symbolic significance in whether or not a man will buy you or himself a coffee on the first date is just plain bizarre.

This isn't about money, it's me trying to not waste my time with someone who only wants to use me for sex.

I know @BertramLacey - the dislike of “being outside in the cold” is most odd. I don’t think anyone’s suggesting a date in lashing rain or a blizzard, or trudging through a housing estate or down the side of a dual carriageway.

I think a lot of people who are frequent car users probably couldn’t cope with a walk longer than ten minutes either (mobility issues excepted, of course). I know a few people who can’t walk more than a mile without being exhausted (unfitness, not health issues) and they’d probably balk at this as a date idea.

@Itsnotover

This isn't about money, it's me trying to not waste my time with someone who only wants to use me for sex.

Your instincts are telling you to swerve, so swerve.

He wants to go for a walk (in this delightful British winter), doesn't have any ideas about where to go but knows it won't be far from his house? I'd swerve too.

I think a lot of people who are frequent car users probably couldn’t cope with a walk longer than ten minutes either (mobility issues excepted, of course). I know a few people who can’t walk more than a mile without being exhausted (unfitness, not health issues) and they’d probably balk at this as a date idea.

Some people just don’t like walking. I detest it as a pastime. Happy to walk as transportation etc but ‘going for a walk’ is not an enjoyable way for me to spend time. It’s not some moral failing, just a personal preference.

I cannot imagine going on a walk for a first date. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, I don’t think it reveals any particular insights, but it isn’t for me. I don’t want to be tramping around getting hot, sweaty, or maybe damp and bedraggled whilst I am on a first date.

It's a quick, easy cheap way to weedle out people.
Going for a walk is my go to.
Even done a walk around a shopping centre when the weather was bad.

Have been turned down because they don't walk. That steered me away from the lazy and the liars who once probed a bit more, would never pop into a shop for a pint of milk, and oh yea of course I walk around the supermarket.

Second date for me is a sit down coffee to see what manners they have.
Third a meal to see how they eat and treat others. Deal breakers for me include rude and noisy eaters/drinkers.

I actually love walking, and think that walking is a great date idea, just off-putting as a first date idea. Seriously OP, this guy doesn't want to spend a penny and can't even be bothered suggesting a walking route - it's unlikely that he's a real go-getter in other areas of his life.

You don't want to go for a walk with this bloke, so don't. Even if everyone in the poll votes that walking dates are great, it doesn't mean that you have to go on a walking date with this man. Listen to your instincts and move on.

I know it's not the point of the thread @phoenixrosehere but did you never feel bad about not sharing costs? I'd find that really off putting (I mean you married him so he's clearly a good guy but didnt you mind?)

In the beginning it did a little, but I also offered to pay and he said no so didn’t push it and took him at his word. Here was a guy who I’m attracted to, we enjoyed each other’s company, had similar views on the most important things, and enjoyed many of the same things. Yes, he paid for things when we ate out and drinks, but we also were in the same mind that we didn’t need to spend a lot of money to have fun and there were tons of free events and things to do where we lived. Many of our dates were us walking around the city (where we lived had lots of amazing architecture and history, something we both love) and the parks, going to the beach, the zoo (free and next to the beach), museums (majority of them are free) or at his place having Red Dwarf or Father Ted marathons while we cuddled on the couch. I did cook for him so I did spend money there if you want to count that. 95% of our dates were probably under £25 other than when he wanted to try new restaurants (he’s a foodie).

Sounds fine to me, grab a coffee, have a stroll. All good.

@Traumdeuter

I know *@BertramLacey* - the dislike of “being outside in the cold” is most odd. I don’t think anyone’s suggesting a date in lashing rain or a blizzard, or trudging through a housing estate or down the side of a dual carriageway.

I think a lot of people who are frequent car users probably couldn’t cope with a walk longer than ten minutes either (mobility issues excepted, of course). I know a few people who can’t walk more than a mile without being exhausted (unfitness, not health issues) and they’d probably balk at this as a date idea.

You're right. Our dislike of this as a first date activity is because we're all spherical tubs of lard with little tiny legs wizened from lack of use. In fact, I get my cardio from yanking the rope on the pulley system I set up to carry cakes straight from the kitchen to my gob without leaving the sofa. You've totally busted us.

Dp and I went for a walk for our first in person date (we had been talking on the phone for a month) it went well so we had lunch. The rest is history, bought a house a year ago

Takes me back to a lovely 2nd date I had with a chap I was seeing a few years ago. Our first date was a drink in a bar which was ok but a bit uptight or stilted or something. Our second date was a walk on a lovely beach followed by an unplanned drink and plate of chips in a cosy pub followed by a very, very good snog in the pub car park. Happy days!