‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

[Anon778833]

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

Got it. I go by dress code, venue, and weather.

I do too, which is one reason why I don't want a walk for a first date. Because of what the dress code, venue and weather would demand I wear.

If I actually believed any of you people really couldn't fathom wanting to look your best for a first date, I might be puzzled by all this.

@DrSbaitso

Got it. I go by dress code, venue, and weather.

I do too, which is one reason why I don't want a walk for a first date. Because of what the dress code, venue and weather would demand I wear.

If I actually believed any of you people really couldn't fathom wanting to look your best for a first date, I might be puzzled by all this.

You need to get yourself a new coat and new walking boots. Nothing to do with dating, but you shouldn't feel the clothing you have looks so terrible.

@Itsnotover

If first impressions are so unimportant then why do people not go to job interviews in their onesies?

Going for a walk, you wear stuff appropriate for walking. Which some may or may not deem appropriate for a first date. Onesies are not appropriate for working in, unless it's a v niche job. So you don't wear one to a job interview.

The casuistry on MN is amazing at times.

You need to get yourself a new coat and new walking boots. Nothing to do with dating, but you shouldn't feel the clothing you have looks so terrible.

I have a nice coat and decent trainers (if we've established that we aren't actually talking about a "walk" walk, just a mooch around residential streets and suburban parks in January...and they say romance is dead), but I don't want to wear them the whole time on a first date. I'd like to wear something that expresses "me" a bit more and shows me off a bit better. I also don't want to do an activity that I don't find conducive to first sexual and romantic sparks because the dude's first priority is ensuring there can be no situation in which I might expect him to drop a couple of quid on me. I don't expect him to drop any money on me, but I'd prefer it if ensuring it doesn't happen isn't his overriding concern when thinking of ways to get to know me.

I don't even know why I'm on this thread though. I'm married and hope to stay that way for a long time.

Bit confused about the criticism that it's low-effort. It's a first date? With someone you don't know? It's meant to be low-effort. The only purpose it serves is to suss out whether you click with the other person, not to wow them. A coffee first date is also rock-bottom effort, give or take three quid, and as PP have said, interesting architecture or nature or history makes for better chat than the inside of a Costa.

Most women I know look good in walking gear. Just a different sort of good to getting dolled up. Having a red-cheeked healthy glow is pretty attractive. It's accepted that men can look good in outdoors mode as well as suited and booted, sad that women don't think the same applies to them.

Having a red-cheeked healthy glow is pretty attractive.

I have a red-nosed Rudolph glow and my hair goes to shit in the wind too. I don't do the flushed gym bunny look well either. I go red, but that's about the extent of it.

@Itsnotover

If first impressions are so unimportant then why do people not go to job interviews in their onesies?

Onesies are not proper clothes and a date is not a job interview! Would you seriously not want to be seen in jeans, nice jumper, nice coat or jacket on a first date? You can even wear makeup! I don't but thats just me.....

@Itsnotover

Most men I have ever been with have said they find me (and other women) most attractive when they are natural and windswept and in normal clothes.

I think if you believe that you'll believe anything, sorry 🤣

Well maybe I have attracted men who like more of a natural look because thats what they get with me!

@Itsnotover

It's completely disingenuous to say that on a first date it makes no difference what you wear or how you present yourself. That doesn't mean I'm saying that your partner won't find you attractive in any other kind of clothing or dressed down. But first impressions do count for a lot.

As for guessing what someone looks like naked I'm not really in agreement. I've had a few shocks in my time. 😬

Furthermore, dressing up for a date should be primarily to enjoy having the opportunity to dress up and feel confident for yourself.

I don't think anyone has said it makes no difference how you dress or how you present yourself. It is possible to dress in nice but not glamorous clothes, clean hair, day makeup if that's what you like and look gorgeous and/or as if you have made an effort. Or at least look like yourself so that everyone knows what's what! I'm dipping my toe in online dating at the moment and have excluded some photos of myself because they are very nice but are not a fair refection of what I actually look like in real life (due to good lightning, filters etc). I'd rather someone like the look of the real me.

A red cheeked healthy glow is indeed attractive. A running snotty nose not so much 🤣 (as would happen in my case)

It's completely disingenuous to say that on a first date it makes no difference what you wear or how you present yourself. That doesn't mean I'm saying that your partner won't find you attractive in any other kind of clothing or dressed down. But first impressions do count for a lot.

That really isn't what I've said. What I've said is that walking gear is fine for a first date and that I don't want to dress up that much for a first date. I'm tall and slim. I'm also quite striking so I know I can wear walking gear and look good. I know I can make an impression like that. I don't actually want to overdo it by going all out on a first date. I'd like to leave something in reserve and I don't want to make that much effort for someone I may meet once for half an hour and not like very much.

So I aim for things I'm comfortable in that I look good in and that can be a well-cut coat, walking boots, trousers and a colourful jumper. It's plenty enough to create an impression and look good. I spend a lot of my life in outdoor clothing, it's a part of who I am anyway. Then I can save the knockout dress for somewhere around the fifth date.

Just don't be texting them " thanks for the walk" at 11:30 OP

@BertramLacey

It's completely disingenuous to say that on a first date it makes no difference what you wear or how you present yourself. That doesn't mean I'm saying that your partner won't find you attractive in any other kind of clothing or dressed down. But first impressions do count for a lot.

That really isn't what I've said. What I've said is that walking gear is fine for a first date and that I don't want to dress up that much for a first date. I'm tall and slim. I'm also quite striking so I know I can wear walking gear and look good. I know I can make an impression like that. I don't actually want to overdo it by going all out on a first date. I'd like to leave something in reserve and I don't want to make that much effort for someone I may meet once for half an hour and not like very much.

So I aim for things I'm comfortable in that I look good in and that can be a well-cut coat, walking boots, trousers and a colourful jumper. It's plenty enough to create an impression and look good. I spend a lot of my life in outdoor clothing, it's a part of who I am anyway. Then I can save the knockout dress for somewhere around the fifth date.

Well yes, tall people do tend to look good in anything. Unfortunately I'm not tall lol.

I do understand what you mean. You can look nice and stylish in certain outdoorsy clothes, of course.

The thing is it's not unreasonable if you don't want to go for a walk either. We all have different preferences and you can suggest something else instead. No one's saying that everyone has to love the idea of a walk. Most people are just saying it's not inherently unreasonable of a man to suggest it, and it doesn't mean he's cheap or tight or means he'll treat you badly.

[quote PaperMonster]@SilverGlassHare in which case your date isn’t for you 😉[/quote]
Yes, very good point! If you both think this sounds lovely, chances are you might have something in common.

@Itsnotover

Most men I have ever been with have said they find me (and other women) most attractive when they are natural and windswept and in normal clothes.

I think if you believe that you'll believe anything, sorry 🤣

It depends what kind of men you go for - but I'd agree with you @Itsnotover ! 😊

Men always say they prefer the natural look...it's what they think theyre supposed to say!

@Comedycook

Men always say they prefer the natural look...it's what they think theyre supposed to say!

I think a lot of the time they think they mean it.

They don't know how much artifice goes into the "natural look".

What they mean is, they like a naturally beautiful woman. Well no shit.

If we actually went truly makeup and styling product free, sack dresses and joggers and all, en masse, they'd lose their collective shit.

The natural look doesn't mean modern day cave woman! When I say the natural look I mean not wearing lots of make up (or maybe no makeup) hair that's not really styled and everyday comfortable clothes clothes. So the same way I would expect a man to dress really: clean hair and fresh clothes, shaved or a reasonably well tended beard, etc. I actually do prefer men in outdoorsy or working clothes, their faces lively and rosy from being outside to the 'suited and booted' look. Surely it is possible that some men at least feel similarly?

@DrSbaitso

What they mean is, they like a naturally beautiful woman. Well no shit.

If we actually went truly makeup and styling product free, sack dresses and joggers and all, en masse, they'd lose their collective shit.

Depressingly correct.

It’s like when men say they like curvy or bigger women

What they really mean is a size 12 with big boobs and bum and long glossy hair and a face like Kelly Brooke

I mean the idea of a walking date conjures images of beautiful coastal routes and cosy log-fired pubs, but the reality is grey and harsh lighting on a cloudy day in a damp park.

As for walking to ‘see’ things; what?! What could possibly pique your interest in the town you live in?!

They don't know how much artifice goes into the "natural look

Oh definitely. On my first date with Mrcomedy, he commented that he liked that i wasn't wearing much make up...I had a full face on

@Comedycook

They don't know how much artifice goes into the "natural look

Oh definitely. On my first date with Mrcomedy, he commented that he liked that i wasn't wearing much make up...I had a full face on

Yeah, I have the Natural Look down pat, even to the effortlessly casual, thrown-together, almost accidentally flattering, outfit. Takes ages.

@Comedycook

Men always say they prefer the natural look...it's what they think theyre supposed to say!

It's the same as men who say they hate boob jobs.