‘A walk’ for a first date - yes or no?

[Anon778833]

AIBU to think it’s lazy? In a way, I can see how walking around with someone can be a good way to get to know what they’re like but for a first date?

I’m trying to sift out the ones to avoid. Which I am never good at.

Low effort dates are lame. YANBU

I think it depends where the effort is and with what intent. Turn up for a walk with some suggested routes, ideas for good places to go, freshly showered, clean clothes, teeth brushed, prepared to make conversation, it's all good. I'd put the effort into getting to know someone rather than an idea for a date, which I think will sometimes detract from actually getting to know someone.

Big, flashy dates indicate someone who doesn't share my values. It can be all about the show, not actually caring about the person. And IME people who are flashy to start with can turn into controlling, selfish bastards fairly quickly after they've hooked you in with the restaurant meals and the flowers and the big trips to expensive places. So they may be putting in effort, but it's effort with manipulation in mind. Those you really want to avoid.

I think it’s fine personally. Unusual but probably made more common due to covid. If you get along you could always get coffee afterwards.

I don't need a man to spend money on me on a date either. I just find the idea of a pootle around the park/streets on a gray January day a bit depressing. It seems so dull.

@SilverGlassHare in which case your date isn’t for you 😉

The Walk is a great first date. Easy escape if needed, no feeling indebted that someone paid for anything and opportunity to go on for coffee if it goes well. Seems perfect. To not like it is a bit odd.

[quote HelloFrostyMorning]@azimuth299

It's not that I would want him to spend lots of money on me, but if he's trying to avoid spending £3 on buying himself a coffee then he's likely tight and I find that really unattractive.

This ^ in spades.

Tightness is a really unattractive trait in a man. These kind of men are always selfish in bed too. Also, you often find these men who are so insistent on women paying for themselves 'because equality,' are not so keen on equality when it comes to sharing the housework and childcare.

@DrSbaitso

I'd be put off by a man who, on the prospect of meeting me one time to see if we would hit it off, is so terrified of the prospect of potentially buying me a drink that he'd rather we walked around outside in winter in heavy coats.

This too. ^ The women on here who would be happy to 'just go for a walk' on HIS suggestion, need to raise their bar. These men are trying you out, and seeing how much low grade shit you will tolerate, so they know they don't need to make much effort in the future.

And you can bet this type of man, will be a man who watches you tip your last few pennies out of your purse to pay for your drink in a pub because you're a bit broke, whilst he has a wallet full of 20 pound notes. And when you're out for a meal, he will make sure you pay for your own food exactly, right down to the last penny.

Like I said, raise your bar![/quote]
Agree with this completely. Most of the women on here talking about their ‘successful’ walk first date and living with ‘DP’ aren’t actually married. First dates set the tone. If you’re looking for more traditional ‘romance’ walking dates aren’t really the way to get that.

@myusernamewastakenbyme

Slightly off topic but why do people keep saying they 'grabbed' coffee?? I hate it...sounds so wrong....whats wrong with saying they stopped for coffee or bought a coffee.

'Grabbed' makes me picture it like a relay race where you don't stop moving and just put your hand put for a coffee

Most of the women on here talking about their ‘successful’ walk first date and living with ‘DP’ aren’t actually married. First dates set the tone

How do you know they aren't married? Just because they use the term DP on an Internet forum and don't explicitly say they are? Not to mention a lot of people were talking about walking dates as an option during lockdown ... which has only been the last couple of years, not many people get married that fast

Not only that but you have no idea about their personal circumstances- I was married straight out of university to someone who took me out for dinner for our first date and divorced just over 5 years later because we realised we loved each other but weren't in love and in our mid-20s decided to break it off rather than stay together for the sake of it ... now I'm happily single but right now I have no intention of getting married ever again.

Lockdown was different. Walking dates were the only option really if you wanted to stay on the dating scene. If I was single I’d want to go out and enjoy nice bars and restaurants on dates now that we can. Lockdown was a dream for tight men wanting to date. I bet there’s tons of women in lockdown forged relationships that haven’t seen the inside of a restaurant with their ‘DPs’ even now

Absolutely not and I love walking

Makes me think they’re completely low effort and will always assume I will be happy to do free stuff because “low maintence” and “cool”
No.

It’s also winter, it’s nice to dress up for a date not wear your thermals and woolly hat

It would be a perfect first date for me.

Going for a walk is super low effort suggestion on his part. I can't believe so many people have voted yabu. They seriously need to raise the bar. If a man can't commit enough time and money to even have a drink or a coffee with you then he usually isn't worth it.

It’s very male identified.

We’ve been told for years that being “low maintenance” and “drama free” is so attractive
And then post threads on here about how their stringy husband only pays 50% of bills and does nothing with the kids

Low standards

I met my OH 15 years ago and our first date was at a local tourist attraction where we walked around the grounds. Can’t even remember if we had a brew or not to be honest. That evening I went on a second date with a different man and he spent a lot of time and effort making me the most delicious meal. I could have ended up with either of them tbh. I’m not married to OH - but not because he’s never asked me! It’s because I don’t want to be married!

Walk on a first date worked well for me - it was a chance to walk and chat without pressure, I took my dog too as I thought at worse it killed two birds with one stone!

As it turns out, date 2 with him was also a walk; an evening one to a local attraction where there was an outdoor exhibition, we then had dinner in a local pub after.

Date 3 later this week is him cooking dinner at his house for us, and I'm staying over

[quote Ponoka7]@HelloFrostyMorning, it sounds like you play the outdated game of being hard to get. How hard a man will try to date you isn't connected to how well they would treat you long term, or how much respect they have for women. We've moved on from that and as said, it's more equal. There's no need to be coy, or play the gatekeeper of sex. Those days are gone.[/quote]

The problem is though, there is no equality for women as much as people would like it to be the case.

Having asked him about where the walk would be, he replied. 'Well we could see where we end up'

I get the distinct impression that he is hoping we would end up at his house. So that's a no.

@Itsnotover

why haven’t YOU made the effort to ‘think of an actual date’? Why’s it up to them?

Why are you so rude? I suggested we go for a drink. Isn’t that the norm? 🙄

A drink is far lazier than a walk tbh

@Itsnotover

Having asked him about where the walk would be, he replied. 'Well we could see where we end up'

I get the distinct impression that he is hoping we would end up at his house. So that's a no.

Assuming he doesn't live in a rural area, that sounds like a walk through residential streets and nearby parks? Sounds even worse than splashing through mud in January wearing unflattering old hiking gear and even less effort. He's not even thinking of a walking route with stuff to see?

Clearly not everyone agrees, but yeah, walks are a shit first date, especially in winter. Live dangerously, fellas. Take the life changing chance that you might end up buying a latte. I'm not really buying (haha) the idea that they're worried about Covid if they're dating.

Take the life changing chance that you might end up buying a latte

@Itsnotover

Having asked him about where the walk would be, he replied. 'Well we could see where we end up'

I get the distinct impression that he is hoping we would end up at his house. So that's a no.

Or he wants to go for a walk because it is a no pressure first meeting and he doesn't want tonstart making additional plans ... to me "We could see where we end up" would mean "Let's meet up first before we make any more plans and see how it goes. If it goes well then we can go to a nearby cafe/restaurant for coffee/lunch that I know is on the route I've planned for us to take and if it goes badly then we can just finish our walk and part ways, without the awkwardness of having to sit through a pre-arranged post walk coffee unless one of us breaks the date off early"

Let's meet up first before we make any more plans and see how it goes. If it goes well then we can go to a nearby cafe/restaurant for coffee/lunch that I know is on the route I've planned for us to take and if it goes badly then we can just finish our walk and part ways, without the awkwardness of having to sit through a pre-arranged post walk coffee unless one of us breaks the date off early"

If he's planned a route, why is he saying they'll just see where they end up?

Just meet in a cafe, ffs. Stop hedging every little last ridiculous bet. Meet at 3pm so there's no pressure to eat and you can go out for dinner later if you get on well, or say goodbye after 40 minutes if it's not happening. Yes, there is a chance she'll be one of those women who expects you to pay and you'll have to either drop a couple of quid on a latte or have a moment where she waits for you to get out your wallet and you don't. Go on, live dangerously. Faint heart never won fair lady.

🎶 I NEED A HERO 🎶

@BingosMum

Going for a walk is super low effort suggestion on his part. I can't believe so many people have voted yabu. They seriously need to raise the bar. If a man can't commit enough time and money to even have a drink or a coffee with you then he usually isn't worth it.

So the difference between a date being low effort or not is £3 on a latte?

So the difference between a date being low effort or not is £3 on a latte?

It's the difference between having a coffee and meeting a bloke who finds the thought of buying you a £3 drink so heinous that he'd rather you went shuffling around outside in heavy outdoor clothing in January. And then still doesn't even want to think about where to go.