To ask how long you were together before you got married?

[MeSanniesareBrannies]

How long were you in a relationship before you got engaged/married? I was with DP for almost three years when we got engaged, when we get married, we’ll have been together almost four. Speaking to acquaintances (not close friends) it seems like that’s unusual and we’ve been hasty. A work colleague was particularly taken aback and informed me that ‘short engagements are a recipe for disaster’. I thought this was a bit bizarre!

I’m unworried about my relationship, but I’m intrigued…what’s everyone else’s norm?

We’re early 30’s professionals in London, postgrad education, good jobs, good pay, no prior marriages or kids. I think that for our demographic 3-5 years is pretty standard, but happy to be told I’m wrong.

@Livpool

4 years

Met - July 2011
Moved in - June 2012
Engaged - February 2014
Married - June 2015

I thinks whatever works for each couple. Apart from a woman I know. Her partner proposed after pressure from her after their 2 kids were born. She is desperate to get married and he isn't so she legally changed her surname to his. That is so weird to me

That is so odd to me. That poor woman.

“In your 30s 3 years is a chunky amount of time to date before being engaged.

“What's the point of a long engagement on top, just for the sake of it. What would you be waiting for? Unless there are practical reasons to delay, you get engaged to get married!”

These are pretty much my sentiments.

My parents were engaged after 6 weeks together
50th wedding anniversary this year

Engaged after 3 months and married a further 8 months after that.

Might look hasty to some but still happily married decades later :)

I don't know anyone who would class that as hasty! Lol, it's 4yrs.

Ours is a bit different as we'd known each other for a long time but hadn't spoken for about 15yrs (childhood sweethearts).
We got back together in the September, moved in together in the October, bought a house in April, first baby in December then got married the December after - 4 days before DS turned one.
We've been together 5yrs 4mths now and married with 2 children.

Met in 2011, engaged 7 years later in 2018, married 2.5 years later in 2021.

Moved in together at 1 year 3 months.
Engaged at 1 year 7 months.
Married at 2 years 9 months.
Been together 10 years now, still love him to bits.
I certainly wouldn't have wanted things to move any more quickly than this though, we would probably have taken a bit more time but we knew we wanted to start a family and didn't want age to start becoming a negative factor.

Got engaged on our 3rd anniversary and married 9 months later, would have been 7 months later but we couldn’t secure that date.

Personally I don’t see the point of getting engaged if you’re not prepared to get married.

I certainly don’t think anyone thought we were being hasty, if you’re ready, you’re ready!

I would say being 4/5 years was standard to get married for my friends. I was an outlier. It took me 9 years to get engaged and 11 to get married due to DH’s faffing. We almost split up over it as I was traditional and insisted on being married before having kids. Fortunately I had not fertility issues.

Met in May but weren't 'official' until that September, got married the following September! So officially together 1 year 1 day on our wedding day but slightly longer in reality.

I don't think you've been hasty!

Together 3.5 years
Engaged 2 years
Been married 18.5 years

Engaged after 4 years, married at 10 years. We were both young when we met (16 & 18) and also had 2 kids after engagement and covid happened so marriage was put on hold for a while.

Moved in together after 5 months, engaged at 18 months, married 2 years later (would have been married sooner but wanted to save up for the wedding so we weren't in debt). Both in early 30s at the time, I'd been engaged before and he'd been married. Both were abusive relationships, I think once we'd found each other and realised what a good loving relationship is, we didn't want to waste any time!

Been together nine years this year and have a DC.

engaged after a year, married after 2 years, had our first child at the end of year three, second child at the end of year 4 and third child at the end of year 5. A bit of a whirlwind all round but sill going strong 15 years later. I didn't think at the time it was particularly fast, I was never in any doubt, but looking back now we certainly didn't waste any time

Nearly 2 years from start of relationship until marriage. But we had known each other for friends for several years first. Married 15 years now.

Engaged after 19 months, married a year later. We were 27 (me) and 32 (DH). I think when you know you know 🤷🏻‍♀️

Engaged after 3 months, married 17 months later with a baby in between. Married 18 years this year and together 20.

My mum and Dad did similar, engaged after 4 months and married 7 months later. They've been married 47 years now!

Engaged at 3 years, married at 6 years. But we were still only 24 and 25. I wouldn't wait 6 years if we'd met at 30 and wanted children.

7 years. We weren't allowed to until the Blair government brought in Civil Partnerships.

Your workmate/acquaintance sounds daft. 3 years to get engaged isn’t hasty. Then a wedding a year later sounds very normal not rushed. You are early 30s. All sounds very normal to me not rushed at all.
I do wonder at long engagements I don’t see point but wouldn’t say anything to the person.
I wonder if people commenting to you are younger or different demographic.
I worked in a solicitors office, we were chatting as a male colleague had proposed to his gf. The 3 of us who were solicitors had had quick no frills weddings - register office, town hall abroad etc. Those not qualified on lower salaries tended towards the long engagement 2 or 3 years, big Instagram style wedding.

I didn’t answer question. Together from age 18. No formal engagement but decided February after 9 years together to marry and got married that May. Married 20 years this year. No one said anything to us about hasty.

6 years. Had a child 4 years after that. So together 10 years until we had a child.

Got engaged after 18 months and married 8 months later. 40 years on, still going strong.

Sounds totally normal to me.

I think what is more important than 'starting to go out' is 'how long have you lived together.'

Dated 2 years
then
Moved in together for 2 years
then
Engaged and got married within a year

Met during the winter, he was going out with someone else.

Started dating in May, holiday together, early July and bought the ring.
Wedding in November. All good
Baby 3 years later