Being automatically referred to as 'Mrs' on the basis of .. what?!

[Tailsyflugbun]

To expect a telephone receptionist to not assume I am married?!

@Tailsyflugbun

I care! Why am I being called Mrs when I'm not?!

Because people also get offended if you call them Ms or Miss. Can’t win. I don’t even use a title anymore, I call them by their name.

@Tailsyflugbun

Young woman. Young voice. Always young women on reception in this particular place. I would imagine it is the unspoken company policy - have a young woman on reception as it is a male-dominated market.

To be honest, I think you are making way more sexist assumptions than she did by calling you 'mrs'. If you heard my voice on the phone you would think I was young (I suppose I am, I'm in my early thirties) and tbh I don't associate Mrs with married women person, just adult women, as per the European examples. I thought we had moved on past that, old-fashioned understanding of Mrs equals married, and the clunky get-around of Ms which also defines you by marital status. I think you are reading too much into it. But by all means, if you prefer Ms, then just state so and ask if that can be noted on the system so that they address you as that next time.

Also before you come at me for saying 'married women person', it was autocorrect and I was trying to say 'per se'

I call people up and the default is Ms. but that still offends people if they're a Mrs. If you avoid the titles completes and ask for Jane Smith some get annoyed. You absolutely cannot win.

We should drop Mrs all together. A man’s title doesn’t change when he marries so a woman’s shouldn’t either. I’m married and still use Ms, I also still use my maiden name. Hate being called Mrs maiden name, that’s my Grandmother’s name.

@crazyjinglist

Why do people hate ms? I never knew people were opposed to this?

How do you pronounce it?

Anyway, the thing is that women can choose which to call themselves. Nobody has to call themselves Mrs if they don't want to, and nobody has to call themselves Miss if they don't want to. Nobody is being compelled to reveal their marital status in their title. So what's the problem really?

And what's the alternative? Impose a blanket equivalent of Madame and legally force women to use it whether they want to or not? Doesn't sound very feminist or supportive of women.

"What's the problem really?"

Simple - it's silly to assume everybody/every institution you deal with in daily life has your personal preferences down pat and stored in computer memory. So one way or another, there has to be a default version. Funnily enough it doesn't seem to be an issue outside of the UK - certainly all of North America uses Ms as such a default title without any issues- nobody gets offended, and it certainly doesn't keep individuals from continuing to use "Mrs" for themselves if they so prefer. The whole point is that it's a neutral version and mostly accepted as such.

As an aside, what's with all the posters stating they are "proud to be a Mrs" - really don't get what you are on about. Does this mean, reversing the statement, that you'd be slightly embarrassed NOT to be one? Or if you simply mean, I kinda like the title and feel comfortable with it, why not just state that? I just really, really don't get what there is in it to be "proud" of, and it dies feel implicitly judgy of others.

I have to be in contact with people a lot for work, most of whom I only ever deal with on a single case, so I have to introduce myself a lot. I give my name, and am asked soooo often ‘is that Mrs or Miss?’. It really pisses me off - what has that to do with my work? So I just pause and reply ‘…it’s Agnes’. I’m happy to be addressed by my name, so make sure that’s what they do. It’s mad that our marital status has to intrude into our professional lives.

I'm a Ms. by choice. I adopted it after my divorce and when I married my second husband, I kept it. Along with my name. I actually do sometimes use both names but I'm Ms. all the time.

I am assumed "Mrs." way too often - I think because of my age. In my first marriage, it would frustrate me endlessly that I was still being called "Miss." all of the time.

I have stopped caring now. If I'm old enough to be constantly assumed a "Mrs." I'm old enough to not care.

I hate Ms. You'll never please everyone as shown in this thread so the poor caller is between a rock and a hard place. Just correct them and ask them to update their records.

@rosebeth

I'm a medical secretary and I always use Ms unless otherwise specified. Some women have gotten miffed about this though, but I think it's the most neutral.

It is. A lot of women don't like it, but there's no doubt it's the most neutral as it's the only one that's never referred to a woman's marital status.

I don't blame the individual using 'Mrs' on the phone as she probably thought she was being polite, and it's a common address in our culture.

But the titles "Miss" and "Mrs" really need to go. They are completely outdated and sexist

@Rosebel
I'd say people assuming I use my husbands surname is more sexist

Yet you choose to keep your father's name.

[quote SequinnedShawl]@Rosebel
I'd say people assuming I use my husbands surname is more sexist

Yet you choose to keep your father's name. [/quote]
No, she chose to keep her own name. If a name isn't hers because her dad had it first, it isn't actually her dad's either. This is a logic fail of an argument.

I also think women generally have not been very consistent on this. I know quite a few women who insist on being called 'Mrs' and who would correct anyone who referred to them as 'Ms'. That does confuse things quite a bit.

Maybe we need to wait another decade, as it's the older generation of women (at least in my experience) that have strong views about being referred to as 'Mrs'.

I agree. It is sexist to assume all women are married.

Very out of date it is.

I would prefer Mrs to Ms - hate Ms! However we should always be asked. What title we prefer and not assumed. Had to correct one of the managers at work because he referred to me as Ms in a correspondence to customers.

yabu

in many languages there are only mr and mrs.
no judgement on marital status. just one male and one female form.

I fee strongly about this too. I get called Mrs

@WarmWinterSun but i am mrs so why do i not have a right to be called by my right title either and I hate Ms
Its like people who say he refered to my husband but he's my partner how dare they , but people wouldn't mind if they referred to my husband as my partner i could get arsey and say actually hes my husband not my partner , some would prefer boyfriend than partner
Its all so petty really. Just correct someone with the correct term you prefer and move on , if they continue with the wrong one then so be it
Mostly now people use first names as its so much easier

If they continue with the wrong one then call them up on it again i mean but first time just tell them how you like to be addressed
I don't have a hard first name but it seems to called outside of the uk it is and they pronounce it like a male name i just correct them and move on , they haven't done it to offend me just how they must read it

I don't think you know what sexism means.