Being automatically referred to as 'Mrs' on the basis of .. what?!

[Tailsyflugbun]

To expect a telephone receptionist to not assume I am married?!

It is a weird default OP, I agree.

It's annoying that it's the default.

It's not that deep

@Thoosa

It is a weird default OP, I agree.

I agree. I don't know why anyone would assume a woman is married. And (hopefully not being sexist here) why especially a woman would assume that? Unless she has limited life experience and just thinks all women sounding over a certain age are like her mum or something?

The other thing is if it's a premium and typically male product then maybe a lot of the women she speaks to are wives of successful men and that's her default.

Whatever, it needs addressing.

I’m with you OP, it happens all the bloody time. I also find that despite only ever referring to my partner as “my partner”, other people will then go on and refer to him as “your husband” back to me (or worse, “your hubby”!!!) Even if we do decide to marry one day (I’d prefer a civil partnership though) I will still use either Ms or Dr depending on the situation. I do not wish to define my title by my relationship status, it is an inherently sexist practice not expected of men in our society.

I find that take incredibly sad, @MintJulia, but understand what you are saying. However it is yet another example of women having to change our behaviour to defend ourselves against men, rather than the more radical suggestion of making it wholly socially unacceptable for men to approach solo women travellers in hotels. No, let’s just support the women to pretend another man has already staked his claim. Really sad. (Yes I have used the same tactic when younger though).

@worriedmummyofboys

If u care then u clearly have too much time in your hands to worry about something insignificant. Just nicely correct her and I'm sure she will apologise and then move on

Seriously get a life. That's such a stupid thing to get worked up over and even to start a thread on here about!!

This is one of the rudest posts I've seen on here for a while!

Seriously, try and imagine how you'd feel if you'd started a post about something that had worried/annoyed you and someone had replied as you have.

A little bit of empathy goes a long way I find.

@SiobhanSharpe

I think it should be like it is in France - the French automatically address all adult women as Madame - Mademoiselle is reserved solely for girls. We should either take the married/single connotation out of the equation, or enquire about how someone would like to be addressed or just use Madam. I find I'm nearly always called Siobhan by all and sundry, no matter what the setting, and it feels very over-familiar. But that's a whole different thread.

German is the same - Frau for adults, fräulein for young girls. Like being called “a lady” as opposed to “a girl” by strangers.

It would be super rude to call an adult woman “fräulein” - like calling a man “young lad” or “sonny”.

@Snowiscold

I’d assume Mrs is a courtesy title addressed to all women. Not necessarily trying to make a thing of your marital status. They can’t call all women Miss, and lots seem to object to Ms. Mrs for all is fine.

Mrs for all is absolutely not fine. As for the notion of a courtesy title in this day and age that’s ludicrous. Ms is the default if you don’t know because it only denotes sex not marital status. Id bin all titles for what it’s worth. I always correct people if they call me Mrs.

I genuinely don't know the difference between the pronunciation of Mrs, Miss, and Ms so I wouldn't even know tbh. I think the idea of it changing is stupid anyway.
Written I tend to go with Mrs for an adult and Miss for a teen/child, not deliberately just it seems right. Because if I asked you I still wouldn't know which one, they all sound the same to me.

@Snowiscold

I’d assume Mrs is a courtesy title addressed to all women. Not necessarily trying to make a thing of your marital status. They can’t call all women Miss, and lots seem to object to Ms. Mrs for all is fine.

Mrs for all is fine

No, actually, it’s not.

I’m not fine with being called Mrs when I’m not married and never will be.

I’m not fine with my title indicating my relationship to a man. People don’t need to know my marital status. Ms is more appropriate.

*If u care then u clearly have too much time in your hands to worry about something insignificant. Just nicely correct her and I'm sure she will apologise and then move on

Seriously get a life. That's such a stupid thing to get worked up over and even to start a thread on here about!!*

@worriedmummyofboys

Going by your username and your post above, you’re perfectly happy to define and identify yourself by your relationship to males. Good for you. However, I am not and neither are very many other women.

I think it should be a matter of age rather than marital status.
Up to 18 or so "Miss" and the "Mrs" when you are older.

I never changed my name on marriage but I did migrate to Mrs MaidenName once I was about 40.

This is one of my pet peeves. I hate that we have to use mr/mrs/miss/ms/mx or whatever on so many things. They are completely outdated and fairly meaningless. I have to ask many people per day their prefexs at work and have found that since I started asking for someone’s title rather than assuming mr for men and going through mrs/miss/ms for women, mainly because it is quicker, and I don’t want to offend anyone, as well as quite a lot of customers being doctors, men get really annoyed when they have to say mr, the most used phrase is ‘mr, obviously’ while seemingly thinking it is ok for women to go through the rigmarole of having to tell some stranger their marital status every time they want to use a service.

Mrs is a 'courtesy title'?!?! So, being a Mrs, ie, legally attached to a man, is something women should aspire to and accept it as a compliment to be addressed as Mrs when they're not married?

Good grief, we really are still in the dark ages.

I'm married. I DO NOT use Mrs, and feel ongoing horror that in our society unmarried women have the same title as children, and don't get recognised as adults until they are validated by a man. And worse, that most women don't seem to mind this at all, and are really really proud when they do finally get 'validated' and get to call themselves Mrs. Have you no worth of your own?

OP, I'd have been just as annoyed as you.

I don't like it either. I order not to use a title at all, but if I am forced to (and far too many online forms do force me,) then I'm Ms, not Mrs. But at least anyone asking for Mrs Bearhug gives me a good indication it's some sort of bold call I'm not interested in.

It also seems to be afe-relsted. Once upon a time in shops or other places I went face-to-face, if I had to give my name first dome reason, they would ask, "Miss...?" And these days, it's "Mrs...?" (at which point, I'll say, "Ms," If I'm wanting to leave promptly, or "I don't use a title," If I am prepared to give the time required for being told how I can't possibly exist on their system without this irrelevant piece of information.)

@LordEmsworth

When people ring and ask "am I speaking to Mrs Emsworth" I always say, did you want to speak to my mum, she's not here sorry. It never ends well but always makes me feel better.

And I bet you think that's hilarious.

@Tailsyflugbun

I care! Why am I being called Mrs when I'm not?!

Is this really a hill you want to die on? The person calling you has no idea, many people object to be called Ms...

The problem here, @luckylavender, is that I and a lot of other women also object very strongly to being called Mrs. So maybe the answer is not to assume anything and check what title women prefer. Or to not use one in the first place.

Mrs is a 'courtesy title'?!?!

Well, yes. As all adult women go by Frau in Germany or Madame in France. It’s a courtesy title and normal and doesn’t indicate marital status or anything to do with a man. Your surname stays the same. I would prefer Ms myself and that’s what I go by, but Mrs is fine. Quite a few single women I know go by Mrs. No change of surname. I would strongly object to Miss, married or not.

@worriedmummyofboys so very insignificant that you still couldn't help taking time out of your day to type a response

Some people just love putting the boot in to strangers on the Internet, it's like they can't help themselves.

Reckon this is a kickback problem because of previous callers complaining of the over-familiarity of using first names.

Surely the question to ask is 'would you mind if I take your name so I can pass you to the person you need to speak to'. Then the caller has the option of saying she's Sally Bloggs/Mrs Bloggs/Sally/Aunt Sally/Doctor Bloggs/I'd rather not give you that information.

It shouldn't be difficult for companies to get this basic thing right.

@luckylavender No I really don't think it's hilarious, I am dismayed that people assume that I must have a male owner. It's 2022, it's not "discourteous" to not assume that a woman you're speaking to must be married.

Its sexist crap. The default should be Ms which doesn't confer marital status.

Keep correcting. Its dying out thankfully.

@AnotherSillawithanS

Who cares!

Me! It's nobody's business whether or not I'm married.

I hate being asked if I'm Mrs or Miss. Men are never questioned as to their marital status!

@AnnieLobeseder

The problem here, *@luckylavender*, is that I and a lot of other women also object very strongly to being called Mrs. So maybe the answer is not to assume anything and check what title women prefer. Or to not use one in the first place.

So how do you assume that someone who doesn't know you, starts a telephone conversation? Because using a first name can be as rude to other people...