To not want to share food

[Whohashiddenthebiscuits]

Just that really! If anyone has seen the Gavin and Stacey episode where they are ordering a takeaway and James Corden goes off on a rant about not wanting to share his order, I completely got that!

The last two Saturdays, I’ve seen friends.I’m middle aged, a pescatarian and really fussy about food. I’ve tried a lot over the years and know what I like and what I don’t. I’ve just got to the point where I just want to eat food I know I actually like. I know it’s good to try new things and I have for many years.. but Ive got to the point I just want to eat what I want to eat.

Last Saturday we were over friends and they ordered a Chinese (we split the bill). DH and our friends were discussing ordering a whole load of stuff and I just asked if I could have 2 dishes instead to myself I liked. Last night out at a Thai with friends, same scenario. All friends were really nice about it.. but I felt like the request was being a bit petulant and odd (even though I expressed it both times nicely!) not to want to share my food!

Anyone else feel the same way or is it really a bit anti social?!

I am happy to go for tapas with friends but I won't be eating octopus or fish.

So I want to order one dish that is 100% mine to ensure I actually get to feel I had a fair share.

Then we can share other bits.

Agree re the dessert. They dont want one but say they will have some of mine. NO YOU WONT.
I just tell people I dont share food. Order your own bloody sticky toffee pudding or fries coz I need the calories. The closer the friend or relative they more they assume

My husband is like this. He is not in any way a fussy eater, but he gets a little anxious in this type of situation, and never feels like he has had enough to eat because he is wanting to be polite and not take too much. It causes him actual stress so he just orders separately now in a group situation, it's just not worth it.

@Lesperance - I have a friend like this. She is the sort of person who is always thinking of other people and worrying about if they’re ok. When I suggested a tapas restaurant for a group meal recently I was surprised at how vehemently she said no. She then explained she finds sharing far too stressful, which makes sense knowing her - she’d probably not end up eating anything.

I wouldn't think twice if someone said they did not want to share. Especially if they were on a restricted diet, otherwise I'd be worrying the rest of us were going to hoover up the only dishes they could actually eat!

I’m with you OP. I don’t say sharing a garlic bread, rice or say popadoms.

But if we are ordering say an Indian, Chinese or Thai say I don’t want someone ordering one of these, one of them, two of those and this and that for everyone and we will all just sharing everything as SIL and MIL have tried to do on occasion. DH and I now just say well fine you can do that but we are like Smithy and Nessa and we will just order what we like and eat that. Don’t mind sharing rice or popadoms but other than that we don’t want to share mains.

Similarly I love tapas but hate seafood, red onion and mushrooms so I would much prefer to order three dishes I fancied and stick to those.

There is no reason why Indian or Chinese dishes should be shared. Fair enough share veg side dishes but the portions are designed for 1 person. Different with tapas. If sharing with my husband we sort out the food before we start eating eg we often order scampi and chips and burger and chips and halve and transfer the scampi and burger before we start eating. I hate people who take stuff from other people's plates especially without asking. That's just rude and greedy

Personally I like sharing food with DH and my sons, but am a bit iffy about it with others unless I know them very well. Not because of anything to do with the food itself, or hygiene, but just because the etiquette and unspoken conventions wigs me out (how much dip is too much, and what's a Mmmmm face?!? )

I wouldn't find it rude if someone turned down a request to "order lots and share" because they're more comfortable having their own food. I think generally, as a society, we need to start being more tolerant of other people's pecadilloes around eating, and make more effort to understand one another. We all have our frailties and differences. Life is too short to get upset because someone else is perceived as fussy or greedy or weird for wanting/not wanting to share.

I'm with Joey and you OP. I am a very fussy eater and know what I like for takeaway. My dh, D's and foster son order about 5 things and share. I order my chicken wings and chips and want to eat them myself as I don't want to eat any of theirs. Occasionally I offer them a few of my chips if portion is too large. Luckily they don't mind. My son even says Mum is like Joey and does not like to share her food. If anyone even tries taking something off my plate I would stab them with my fork. Don't even think of going near my egg yolk.

@Simonjt

Not mixing meats” and “wanting a proper portion” are exactly the sort of comments that define fussy eating.

@MasterBeth I take it you always take a portion smaller than you actually want to avoid being a fussy eater?

No, I am an adult who takes joy in the social situation, understands that trying/eating a variety of tapas/meze/Chinese food is part of the joy of eating this way - and knows that ordering more of the food want more of, is part of the custom. Fussy eaters ordering their one thing for themselves spoil the occasion.

@MasterBeth

I love sharing plates, tapas, meze, Chinese or Indian food with a group of like-minded easy-going diners. The minute the fussy eaters get involved, it becomes too much admin and stress.

I don't understand the hassle?

If there are say 5 of you and the place recommends 3 small plates per person surely the fussy person orders 3 things for them self and the rest of you choose 12 to share between you in exactly the same way you would if there were only the 4 of you at the meal?

It’s like if five people go to the cinema. Four agree on something they all don’t mind seeing, but the fifth fussy person goes and sits in one screen on their own. The four can’t actually talk to each other during the film, but the fifth one has still spoiled the communal experience.

@MasterBeth

It’s like if five people go to the cinema. Four agree on something they all don’t mind seeing, but the fifth fussy person goes and sits in one screen on their own. The four can’t actually talk to each other during the film, but the fifth one has still spoiled the communal experience.

How is it spoiled? Everyone is seeing the film they want to. Surely the only person missing out is the person sat on their own and if they're not bothered then why should anyone else be?

It's nothing like the fifth person sitting in a different screen room, where you wouldn't see each other for the duration of the film

Are you this intolerant about people who don't drink? Don't fancy dessert?

If you think one person making a different food choice spoils the experience for you, then I think the problem is with you and your control issues.

@MasterBeth, what an odd example!

When have you ever been to the cinema where you just rock up without looking at what’s on and when?? As an adult that is. If one friend didn’t fancy going to see a film I wanted to see, I wouldn’t have a problem and would go with others who did. But that would all have been agreed before anyone arrived at the cinema!

Pretty sure I didn’t ruin anyone’s enjoyment last night or spoil the mood - I did feel a bit anti social for asking if they minded if I had my own dishes as it’s not the usual thing to do in my experience. These are friends I’ve known at least 20 years - would take a hell of a lot more than me wanting not to share food with them to create a sour atmosphere!

No, I am an adult who takes joy in the social situation, understands that trying/eating a variety of tapas/meze/Chinese food is part of the joy of eating this way - and knows that ordering more of the food want more of, is part of the custom. Fussy eaters ordering their one thing for themselves spoil the occasion

Define “fussy”. Any one veggie, halal, gluten free, nut allergy would spoil you precious social situation by not joining in and eating what everyone else chooses?

I think it’s your intolerance spoiling the occasion, not other peoples choices.

@MasterBeth

It’s like if five people go to the cinema. Four agree on something they all don’t mind seeing, but the fifth fussy person goes and sits in one screen on their own. The four can’t actually talk to each other during the film, but the fifth one has still spoiled the communal experience.

What??

So one person ordering their own rather than sharing suddenly means you can no interact with them during the heal?

How bizarre!!

@Nomoreusernames1244

No, I am an adult who takes joy in the social situation, understands that trying/eating a variety of tapas/meze/Chinese food is part of the joy of eating this way - and knows that ordering more of the food want more of, is part of the custom. Fussy eaters ordering their one thing for themselves spoil the occasion

Define “fussy”. Any one veggie, halal, gluten free, nut allergy would spoil you precious social situation by not joining in and eating what everyone else chooses?

I think it’s your intolerance spoiling the occasion, not other peoples choices.

I’ve already defined fussy up thread. It’s specifically where people don’t have medical, cultural or moral reasons, but are just… fussy.

I don’t eat meat as I personally don’t want to eat animals .. so not fussy then according to your yardstick @Masterbeth?

I am fussy about food though in that I know what I like and what I don’t - I don’t particularly want to eat what I don’t particularly like. I will if someone has cooked it for me and pretend to like it but when I eat out I don’t think it’s unacceptable not too! We’re adults, it’s not like Primary School when we had to eat whatever was put in front of us.

Yanbu. Don't enjoy food sharing. At all.

YANBU to not want to share, but I have to say, I don't think a Chinese restaurant is the right type of restaurant for you. Next time your group go out for dinner, could you suggest an Italian restaurant or somewhere else that doesn't have a traditional "sharing culture"?

I’ve already defined fussy up thread. It’s specifically where people don’t have medical, cultural or moral reasons, but are just… fussy

So do people not joining in with your shared meal spoil it or not? If it’s ok for veggies to choose not to participate, why does that not spoil your whole evening, but someone who chooses not to eat shared dishes for another reason does?

Either your social evening is spoiled or it isn’t.

I love sharing food I think it's sociable but I would not have an issue at all if someone said they would prefer to just have what they ordered, especially if they have dietary requirements.

Would definitely recommend a superking zip and link - we bought ours from john ryan by design and it's been great. Also easier to get upstairs and into the room than a superking bedframe!

We have a superking duvet rather than two separate ones and it's fine- it does take two of us to change the duvet cover but no issues other than that.

Would never ever go back to anything smaller now.

Sorry - I have somehow posted on the wrong thread- please just ignore me!!!

Easier sharing a zip and link bed than my food though!!!