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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you give your sister something in this situation?

273 replies

AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 08:49

To be clear I don't want or expect anything but my mum made a comment so I thought I would ask MN.

My sister worked for a start up that got bought by a multinational. Her shares were instantly worth £1.2m. She cashed in, left her job and walked into another, highly paid job.

My mum wondered if she had bunged me anything. I said no, I wouldn't want or expect anything (I am financially comfortable - not swimming in cash but enough to live the life I want). AIBU to think my sister's money is hers alone?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/01/2022 12:06

It’s not like a lottery win that’s just luck either. It’s her hard work for this company that has paid off, just like someone who just had a well paid job in the first place.

ShesKickedOutBarry · 23/01/2022 12:07

£1.2m after tax and I would gift my two siblings £100,000 each leaving me with a round £1m, unless they had more money in the bank than me!

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 12:08

My sister is in that bracket and has no children and has gifted deposits to her nieces.

I love this idea and would do this myself if I ever come into money.

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 12:10

I watched a programme where people won the lottery.

One guy won a million but said he didn’t want it to change him so he carried on as normal.

He went into his local pub like he did every week and people were asking to borrow money and said how selfish he was that he wants even buying them a drink. He then brought a couple of rounds for everyone in the pub and everyone said he was showing off and looking down on them.

thecatsthecats · 23/01/2022 12:11

I think "knock three zeros off" is a good rule of thumb for windfalls if you want to share.

LibrariesGiveUsPower · 23/01/2022 12:15

I’d never expect it. However if I received a lump like that I’d do something for my sibling, buy them a new car or something, not least because they helped me out when I was in a scrape.

AlDanvers · 23/01/2022 12:17

No, definitely not. We had a buyout this last year. I reinvesated. Topped mine and the kids premium bonds up, other investments, work on the house and rest in savings.

Never occur3d to me to bung dbro some. Just like I wouldn't expect anything out of his wages or benefits package or any other windfall he got.

His wife's dad left money to them bother separately. Would never have expected drbo to give me some of it.

Foxglovers · 23/01/2022 12:19

It’s a nice amount of money to get but hardly life changing these days. I would just lay off my mortgage. I would maybe help a sibling out if they were really struggling…but I dunno? I’ve got my own life and kids to look after too. That kind of money could still go pretty easily. If I won £20m or something then I’d prob pay off their mortgages? But that’s the kind of sun we are talking. And I’m close to my sisters

codexa · 23/01/2022 12:22

Better to keep your private life private. If I were the sister I wouldn't have said anything other than I am moving jobs. If people are not into or cannot gift from their windfall, they should keep quiet.

If it were me, I would divvy out a bit alright. What goes around comes around.

Bringsexyback · 23/01/2022 12:29

Yes I probably would’ve in that situation don’t know how I would feel if my children didn’t help each other out in life as they move forward very much depends on the circumstances it’s most definitely not expected but I’d like to think they would.

Iknowitisheresomewhere · 23/01/2022 12:30

Realy interesting question. I think there is a range of circumstances this could cover from:

Sister had worked there a year, shares were in an approved share scheme and she paid little to no tax, she is single and not likely to have a family.

to

Sister had worked there 10 years, endured risky job sitaution and lower pay in return for the share entitlement, tax rate is quite high, and she has a family of her own.

There is a real scale from 'this is lucky' to 'this is what I have worked for' and there is also a scale of family need - children first, possibly impoverished parents next, siblings after that.

I have a family member who works in a precarious industry that is likely to pay off some day. I absolutely would not expect them to share any of that. Just like I would not share part of my salary (unless in a case of clear need).

LetHimHaveIt · 23/01/2022 12:32

It's essentially a bonus, and I'd for sure bung my family something. As I would if it were a lottery win. And I'm not even that family-centric (judging by the various 'Would you go to this wedding? threads, where my answer would be 'No' about nine times out of ten).

refraction · 23/01/2022 12:35

@MollyQueenOfSocks

1.2mil isn't actually that much in the long run.

If I had 1.2mil it would cover buying a house, enough money for my kids uni fees and some as back up, regadless of my suddenly high paying job I could realistically lose at any moment. There would literally be none left to just dish out to grabby family members, especially those who think they are entitled to money someone else won or, in your sisters case, earned!

YANBU in your view, but your mother is totally unreasonable.

I don't understand this mindset at all. My mind is boggling.

If they are grabby fair enough but why wouldn't you share. It's a lot of money! It really is. Out of London where the rest of us live.

Levelling up my arse not if people on Mumsnet are this greedy.

Original poster
AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 12:36

@Iknowitisheresomewhere somewhere in the middle of those two scenarios. She knew that by some clever moves and v hard work she would be more likely to be in a company when they were bought out. She's job hopped and networked like mad over the last 10 years, been in this one for about 3.

OP posts:
RowanAlong · 23/01/2022 13:39

Yes I’d give my siblings a bit in this situation, but they wouldn’t expect me to.

MasterBeth · 23/01/2022 13:43

I don’t think I would give my (comfortably off - more than me!) sister a cash sum in those circumstances. I would certainly treat us all to a big fuck off holiday, and/or buy a holiday home that she could use.

galacticpixels · 23/01/2022 13:49

It's her money.

In my job I get a lot of money through company shares. It's part of my compensation. It's money from work! I would never expect someone to share their salary.

I've known a few people who've ended up making a lot of money the way your sister has and they all either brought/paid off houses or invested it for retirement. It's not a lottery win.

lap90 · 23/01/2022 13:49

1.2m is not enough for me to be dishing out the dosh to all my family members unfortunately. I would treat them a bit, however.

Original poster
AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 13:55

@galacticpixels

It's her money.

In my job I get a lot of money through company shares. It's part of my compensation. It's money from work! I would never expect someone to share their salary.

I've known a few people who've ended up making a lot of money the way your sister has and they all either brought/paid off houses or invested it for retirement. It's not a lottery win.

Agree. This will enable her to bring her retirement forward. So if she did give family members money it's effectively her choosing to work longer for us to have a nice bonus.

I don't doubt that if I was in real need that she'd help but I can afford my outgoings. I don't have a luxury lifestyle and I can't spend without thinking but I feel very secure, and I know how lucky I am in that.

OP posts:
driftcompatible · 23/01/2022 14:03

I wouldn't expect anything at all. However, if I suddenly came into that much money I would help those closest to me if they needed it.

TheAnswerIsDontThinkAboutIt · 23/01/2022 15:15

It’s a nice amount of money to get but hardly life changing these days

Come on, it's hardly chump change, is it? It would be life-changing for me and many others. It would buy me outright a far nicer house than I can currently hope to ever live in, thus enabling me to save more each month or reduce my work hours to enjoy life more, and I'd STILL have more than enough left over to give my siblings a chunk and STILL have some in the bank. I'd call that life-changing.

PonyPatter44 · 23/01/2022 15:18

I can't imagine coming into that sort of money and NOT helping out my family. It would not sit well with me as a person.

ancientgran · 23/01/2022 15:18

£1.2m would change my life.

caringcarer · 23/01/2022 16:39

When my younger d sister and I both inherited £26.5k 8 years ago my sister had to spend most of hers on clearing her DH credit card debt, buying dc new clothing and shoes as so long since they had any, doing a few essential jobs on house maintenance and very little left. She had nothing for herself at all. I bought her a second hand car for £3500 a year later when her car broke and she had no money to replace as beyond economic repair. Without a car she could not get to work as works nights and lives in a village with no night bus services. So yes I would definitely share with my very dsis. I know she would share with me if situation was reversed. As I get older and kids now grown I find I need a lot less.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 23/01/2022 16:48

Something very similar happened to my sister and her husband when they sold their business. They gave all the siblings a significant sum of money. It was very kind of them. We certainly didn't expect it and it was very much appreciated.

I think it depends a lot on how you were bought up. DH's dad was very generous to his family and now DH is quite a lot better off than his sister he gives her large gifts once in a while (a car for example). Equally I help out my sister and mum every once in a while.