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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you give your sister something in this situation?

273 replies

AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 08:49

To be clear I don't want or expect anything but my mum made a comment so I thought I would ask MN.

My sister worked for a start up that got bought by a multinational. Her shares were instantly worth £1.2m. She cashed in, left her job and walked into another, highly paid job.

My mum wondered if she had bunged me anything. I said no, I wouldn't want or expect anything (I am financially comfortable - not swimming in cash but enough to live the life I want). AIBU to think my sister's money is hers alone?

OP posts:
Bemoreme21 · 23/01/2022 16:54

My sister earns more than me bit i would 100% give her a large sum to do something nice with. I only have 1 sibling and I can't imagine living it up while she just gets by. I think life is for sharing and that includes bad times and a windfall!

lynxca16 · 23/01/2022 17:04

Would not expect sister to share when you are financially solvent - maybe your Mum is thinking back to when you were all young and sharing toys, bedrooms etc.

SleepingStandingUp · 23/01/2022 17:40

@Foxglovers

It’s a nice amount of money to get but hardly life changing these days. I would just lay off my mortgage. I would maybe help a sibling out if they were really struggling…but I dunno? I’ve got my own life and kids to look after too. That kind of money could still go pretty easily. If I won £20m or something then I’d prob pay off their mortgages? But that’s the kind of sun we are talking. And I’m close to my sisters
Well not for you but for most people it is. Wed go from renting a 3bed and catching the bus to owning a 4 bed outright and owning a car big enough for us all. We'd still need to work but we could actually afford the childcare to get me in work and DH would have space to look for something else. Good chunk k km savings for kids. Room to breathe. I don't think with 1.2m you can go dishing out 100ks left right and centre but I would find them something, but then we're all solidly WC
JigglyPiggly · 23/01/2022 17:42

It's her money but I would and have given money to close family in similar circumstances.

But then again this is MN where everyone hates their family, weddings, in laws and anyone people in the real world actually enjoy the company of so I expect a lot of comments on the opposite side of this

saleorbouy · 23/01/2022 17:54

My siblings have no idea about my earnings and I have no knowledge of theirs.
If I felt I was considerably better off than them then I'd pay for meals out etc but in my opinion you make your own wealth from your own graft.

nevergoesaway · 23/01/2022 18:56

@PhilCornwall1

I wouldn't be giving anything if I came into that amount of money and would be pissed off if there was an expectation that I should.

She went to work for a start up, which is a risk in itself and it paid off. Could easily have gone the other way.

Why should others benefit from what she has done. Others could take the risk too and see if it pays off.

Would this be even if you knew your closest family were struggling and that a small amount of your £1.2 million could make a huge difference to them? Just wondering if it’s a blanket “No” or dependent on their circumstances.

Also, I can’t believe some people think it’s not that much money Grin

As someone who can’t work and will never be able to due to health reasons, I hope you never have to be in my situation where it’s a luxury to have the heating on for an hour and you can only afford a hair appointment every 3-4 years.

TheHoptimist · 23/01/2022 19:05

She has children!
I assume that she was single
Why on earth would she give to her sister when she has children?

Babamamananarama · 23/01/2022 19:12

If I got a £1.2m windfall I would absolutely bung my sister a bit!!
She has supported me and my family through cancer this year in an incredible way. If I was in the position to make her life easier/happier with some £ I would absolutely do it. In that position having £1.1m or £1.2m would not feel very different, surely.

AnnaBegins · 23/01/2022 20:03

This is such an interesting thread as it's possible I'll be in a similar situation soon. If the sale of a family asset goes through, I would get a few hundred thousand. It's basically an advance on my inheritance, is how I see it, so has to cover my retirement too. DH has already told me that we will be giving a large sum to SIL who is not well off, because all money is family money so he has equal say. It's probably the right thing to do but interesting that so many on here would say it's not a given.

tiredanddangerous · 23/01/2022 20:08

I'm not close to my sister - see her maybe 3 times a year with no contact in between. I wouldn't give her any.

BennysBingoBonanza · 23/01/2022 20:13

Not sure why people are calling it a windfall. It’s money she effectively earned by working for a start up. It’s very common to take a lower than market salary plus shares for a job like that in the hope of being able to sell shares down the line.

@AnnaBegins You’re very obliging. We treat all the money we earn as joint but I think inheritance is reasonably treated as different as it’s money your family saved for you, not for your husband’s sister. I’d be gutted if I thought the money I was saving for my children was going to end up going that way.

Original poster
AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 20:13

@AnnaBegins that doesn't sound great.

OP posts:
AnnaBegins · 23/01/2022 20:18

Thanks both, now I know it's not me being totally selfish I will put some boundaries in place about it - I had mentioned buying them something specific they definitely need or paying for something for their kids, which I'd be much more comfortable, like a gift rather than cold hard cash Grin

BennysBingoBonanza · 23/01/2022 20:21

@AnnaBegins That sounds very sensible. It’s your money.

surreygirl1987 · 23/01/2022 20:22

Of course it's her money and I'm amazed your mum would raise it at all! I'd be furious if I was your sister and knew that my mum had said that to a sibling.

Of course, if I knew that my sibling was incrediy hard-up / couldn't pay the mortgage etc, I might offer a long term loan. But I can't imagine sharing my earnings like that!

Only exception might be if I won a silly amount on the lottery - like multi millions- the kind of money I could absolutely never spend myself.

ScreamIfYouWantToEatPasta · 23/01/2022 20:25

Ok. I can only tell you what I did - I was in a similar situation and DH and I ended up with a little over the amount you mention.

We gave all family each £50k, and paid for stuff they needed immediately as well - a new car, a garage and a loft conversion respectively.

I wouldn't expect it, but it would be nice if she helped you a little, even as a gesture.

rhowton · 23/01/2022 20:25

If I was given £1.2M, I would hands down give some to my brother. Probably £50k. I would potentially set up a business for both of us so he could benefit somehow.

surreygirl1987 · 23/01/2022 20:26

I thought she didn't get given it though... didn't she earn it? I earn a lot more than my siblings but I don't give them a bunch of money...

surreygirl1987 · 23/01/2022 20:29

@nevergoesaway
"As someone who can’t work and will never be able to due to health reasons, I hope you never have to be in my situation where it’s a luxury to have the heating on for an hour and you can only afford a hair appointment every 3-4"

But is that the situation the OP is in?? I mean, if that was the case, and she literally can't afford heating, then sure, it would be nice for the sister to offer her something. But aren't you just talking about your own situation and not the OP..?

HTH1 · 23/01/2022 20:33

No, mine is rolling in it and has never given me anything.

HTH1 · 23/01/2022 20:36

@AnnaBegins

This is such an interesting thread as it's possible I'll be in a similar situation soon. If the sale of a family asset goes through, I would get a few hundred thousand. It's basically an advance on my inheritance, is how I see it, so has to cover my retirement too. DH has already told me that we will be giving a large sum to SIL who is not well off, because all money is family money so he has equal say. It's probably the right thing to do but interesting that so many on here would say it's not a given.
There is no way in hell I would agree to this. Either don’t accept the money or put it straight into investments in your name without even mentioning it to DH.
Original poster
AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 20:38

This thread has been so interesting. It's confirmed my view that it's my sister's hard earned money to benefit her and her family. And my mum should not interfere!

OP posts:
Mellowyellow222 · 23/01/2022 20:48

@AnnaBegins

This is such an interesting thread as it's possible I'll be in a similar situation soon. If the sale of a family asset goes through, I would get a few hundred thousand. It's basically an advance on my inheritance, is how I see it, so has to cover my retirement too. DH has already told me that we will be giving a large sum to SIL who is not well off, because all money is family money so he has equal say. It's probably the right thing to do but interesting that so many on here would say it's not a given.
Is your husband normally a dictator?

How does he get decide what you do with your parents (?) money?

Very odd. Is he sexist, controlling or both?

BABAHOTEL · 23/01/2022 20:59

I would 100% give my sisters and brother some.

We're extremely close and I know they'd do the same.

My brother is not wealthy but had more spare cash due to circumstances and he's so generous.

trunktoes · 23/01/2022 21:02

She will pay half of it in tax. 500k is not that much to start spreading it around