My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Would you give your sister something in this situation?

273 replies

AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 08:49

To be clear I don't want or expect anything but my mum made a comment so I thought I would ask MN.

My sister worked for a start up that got bought by a multinational. Her shares were instantly worth £1.2m. She cashed in, left her job and walked into another, highly paid job.

My mum wondered if she had bunged me anything. I said no, I wouldn't want or expect anything (I am financially comfortable - not swimming in cash but enough to live the life I want). AIBU to think my sister's money is hers alone?

OP posts:
Report
Hathertonhariden · 23/01/2022 10:31

Somebody who is earning enough that they can be dismissive of £1.2M is generally not very philanthropic IME. We see plenty of stories on here that demonstrate that wealthy people are very reluctant to part with their cash.

There's a gulf in responses between "it's family why wouldn't I want to be generous to those I care about" and "it's mine and I'm keeping it"

Report
SeeminglyOblivious · 23/01/2022 10:32

I think i would, yes.

Yes she's worked hard, took risks, this is her reward etc...but a net lump of £1.2m landing in your account is really more akin to a lottery win isn't it? In practical terms anyway.

However I wouldn't be spreading about too much...probably £20k each for our siblings and parents, total gifts of £200k.

Most of our families are skint and £20k would be so well used by them though.

Report
RevolvingPivot · 23/01/2022 10:32

Well she gave my brother £1,000 because he was furload but began working from home so matched it.

Report
Cherrysoup · 23/01/2022 10:32

Where does the OP say she supported her sister to make pp comment that she should give her money/take her put? My sibling’s income has nothing to do with me, I certainly wouldn’t expect anything from him if he had money.

Report
FridayiminlovewithRobertSmith · 23/01/2022 10:33

I would. Not huge amounts but a bit to everyone in my family. If someone was in financial difficulties I’d help out properly.

There’s no obligation but it’s not something I had to give much thought to.

Report
LadyEloise1 · 23/01/2022 10:34

Yes I would if I hit lucky like that and we were close.
Did she give your Mum anything ?

Report
NotRainingToday · 23/01/2022 10:34

I am in the camp of "sharing the love", but I absolutely wouldn't put a number on the size of the windfall. And so the recipients could be pleased (or not) with what they got, without any thoughts of what percentage it was.

Report
doodleygirl · 23/01/2022 10:36

I would give my sister and niece some cash if I was lucky enough to get that type of windfall.

Report
Nap1983 · 23/01/2022 10:37

I don’t have a sister I have 2 brothers and would 100% give both of them a good bit if I had 1.2 million. I’m better of financially than them both and Would never dream of not sharing out what I had with them

Report
Tropicaltutu · 23/01/2022 10:38

It’s a moot point asking because what people say and what people do more often than not turn out to be very different things.

The most outwardly generous talking person often turns out to be as tight as a ducks arse in reality. Seen it happen multiple times.

Report
stayathomer · 23/01/2022 10:39

It's such a hard one, dh got a crazy bonus one year, a few thousand. He took his family out to dinner and also gave them a hundred euro each (they were all unemployedat the time). They've since made jokes about getting a hundred euro and it turns out they thought dh was going to contribute towards a new car (they made jokes at the time and we all laughed togetherabout it, had no idea they were serious).

Report
BonkMyPop · 23/01/2022 10:40

@55Jumbo

If I suddenly came into £1.2m then yes I'd bung some to my siblings and parents.

Same for me. But it depends on family dynamics and a whole host of other things.
Report
blameless · 23/01/2022 10:41

For those who have to budget every month, £1.2 million is an eye-watering amount and more than some will earn in a lifetime.
The treadmill hat some folks make for themselves means that the £1.2 million may be half of the £2.5 million required to buy the new home that she wants.
I've worked for four billionaires and they were all frustrated because they couldn't guarantee the health of their family and loved ones - not always the same group of people - and although they had many homes across the globe, they didn't always enjoy good weather when they reached them.

Report
stayathomer · 23/01/2022 10:42

I missed the 1.2m bitBlush Um, probably, I think I'd help out my family and dh's family. But to each their own!!

Report
SpookyScarySkeletons · 23/01/2022 10:42

@NotRainingToday

I am in the camp of "sharing the love", but I absolutely wouldn't put a number on the size of the windfall. And so the recipients could be pleased (or not) with what they got, without any thoughts of what percentage it was.

Yes totally agree! Like in my PP I haven't told anyone (apart from DH) how much I got because their first thought might be "is that all you gave me!"

Money really does breed resentment sometimes.
Report
Mellowyellow222 · 23/01/2022 10:44

I would, but it would not be expected and my sister would feel u comfortable.

I would put some away for her children for uni and treat us all to a big family holiday.

But it is your sisters money so absolutely your mum shouldn’t expect her to share.

Report
Hmmmwhatnametochoose · 23/01/2022 10:45

@monfuseds

Why would I? Because I love my sisters and would want to be able to share my good fortune.

Exactly, this is the norm in my family.

This. The notion of 'my money' and 'why would I' is a particularly Mumsnet phenmenon.
Report
McScreamysGhostPants · 23/01/2022 10:46

@mrsbyers

Not everybody lives in eye watering expensive places. I can get a flat in my town for 30-40k and houses start at about 50k. Both my sisters live in civil housing so would be entitled to a discount if they purchased them. I could easily buy 5 properties for less than 300k!

Report
Stripyhoglets1 · 23/01/2022 10:46

I would definitely help my sister out if got that much money - I dream of winning the lottery so I can help family out. But I don't think anyone HAS to help family out in such circumstances.

Report
overthehillandsofaraway · 23/01/2022 10:51

If I came into £1.2 million, I wouldn't randomly bung my sister any cash, no.

But if she had a genuine need for something expensive that she couldn't afford - like a roof over her head or a new car - then, yeah, I'd stump the money so she could afford it. I don't really believe in giving cash to family, but I do believe in making sure they don't go without the essentials.

Report
Icequeen01 · 23/01/2022 10:51

My DSIS was recently in this position and I believe she sold her business for well over £1 million. She already has a lovely mortgage free house and other assets but it wouldn't even occur to me that she should give me some of her money. She earnt it!

Having said that she recently helped our DM out with some much needed repairs to her house. We could have helped but DSIS knew it would have made a big dent in our savings so she insisted she paid for it all.

Report
TequilaStories · 23/01/2022 10:51

There’s no way I’d be expecting anything. I’d have no clue what they earn or how much money they have. Did your mum perhaps expect your sister to give her something and wondering if she’s given anything to anyone else? Is she having any financial problems?

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

BobHadBitchTits · 23/01/2022 10:52

My brother may come into quite a large sum due to similar reasons. I joked about giving me some but it was a joke. I don't need it. I don't expect it. I'm happy for him (he struggled for years!)

Report
FawnFrenchieMum · 23/01/2022 10:55

I agree with a PP that it feels different to a lottery win as it’s come from employment. We’ve always said we’d pay off family mortgages if we had a lottery win but I don’t share any gains I have on share saves etc and this feels the same.
I mean if a sibling was struggling with insecure housing or an old problematic car I wouldn’t watch them struggle.

Report
ApolloandDaphne · 23/01/2022 10:56

I suspect she paid a shed load of tax on it then probably invested the rest. That would be the prudent thing to do.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.