Would you give your sister something in this situation?

[AlphaApple]

To be clear I don't want or expect anything but my mum made a comment so I thought I would ask MN.

My sister worked for a start up that got bought by a multinational. Her shares were instantly worth £1.2m. She cashed in, left her job and walked into another, highly paid job.

My mum wondered if she had bunged me anything. I said no, I wouldn't want or expect anything (I am financially comfortable - not swimming in cash but enough to live the life I want). AIBU to think my sister's money is hers alone?

I probably would pay for a holiday or something for my sister but it's tricky because my brother already is a multimillionaire but though his earnings rather than one big windfall if that makes sense. I wouldn't give him anything because of that but equally I don't expect him to pay for anything for me or my family either and actually go out of my way to not let him pay for things eg he always wants to pay for meals out or whatever. However some of that I think is because I'm a lot younger than him and he still thinks of me as being about 13 so I feel like I need to assert myself.

@trunktoes

She will pay half of it in tax. 500k is not that much to start spreading it around

The figure is after tax.

@C152

I wouldn't expect anything in those circumstances. She took a risk working for start-up - it could easily have gone the other way and the co could have gone bankrupt and owed her salary and benefits. It's absolutely fantastic for her that it worked out the way it did. If you were struggling to put food on the table, my answer may be different, but you said you're comfortable.

This. Would you have bailed her out if the company had gone bankrupt or paid the difference between her lower start up salary and the amount she had earned if she hadn’t worked for that type of company?

Even if it were a lottery win, then someone who wouldn’t have shared the losses with you shouldn’t share the gains.

Would this be even if you knew your closest family were struggling and that a small amount of your £1.2 million could make a huge difference to them? Just wondering if it’s a blanket “No” or dependent on their circumstances.

If it was through recklessness they got into a situation, it would be a loan, that they would pay back.

[quote surreygirl1987]@nevergoesaway
"As someone who can’t work and will never be able to due to health reasons, I hope you never have to be in my situation where it’s a luxury to have the heating on for an hour and you can only afford a hair appointment every 3-4"

But is that the situation the OP is in?? I mean, if that was the case, and she literally can't afford heating, then sure, it would be nice for the sister to offer her something. But aren't you just talking about your own situation and not the OP..?[/quote]
Oh yeah absolutely, I should have clarified I know this isn’t the OP’s situation at all. I said it because of the people who were saying 1.2 million isn’t that much money. I was just shocked because I wish I was in a position to feel like that huge some isn’t much. (Yes I am bitter about the way my life has turned out!)

Sum not some 🤦🏼‍♀️

Sadly 1.2 mil isn’t doesn’t buy you what it did 30 years ago. It’s enough to secure a home but not a totally lavish amount that it enables spending sprees etc.

No but it would allow someone to live securely, which to some of us would mean everything. Anyway, to answer the OP, if my sister earned that kind of money I wouldn’t expect her to give any to me. I’d be thrilled for her. However, if I came into that amount, I’d make sure my closest family all had a substantial amount each.

If it was me, I would give my 2 ststers and mum some. Probably £50k each, the rest is still more than enough.

However everyone is different and some people just aren't gift givers.

So many lovely stories of sibling love and generosity

Also too many stories of people thinking they are not part of a human web… and could walk away from siblings or parents who were struggling . But this is mumsnet where nobody can stand their in laws ( even for a one night sleepover a year ) or babysit for their own nephew without expecting cash back … so it is no surprise

Lots of people referring to this as a windfall but I think this is very different. This is salary- she took on a high risk role for which an equity stake/salary sacrifice for share options was part of the deal. The payout would be directly related to her own efforts in making this company successful and potentially follow years of earning less than other roles without this equity opportunity. And it would be taxed.

Saying that if it was a significant amount and she has been widely discussing it, then perhaps funding a celebratory dinner out/ generous gifts for Christmas that year may go down a treat but I would never expect anything as a family member of someone in this position.

Such a strange question for your mum to raise. It’s your sister’s salary, not a lottery win! I’d be curious why it even crossed her mind at all?
Do people expect this if someone earns what they deem to be a large sum of money? I’d be annoyed if anybody expected me to give them part of my wage

I absolutely would. I can not understand people who are well off and don't want to help those they love. I have a relative who's a millionaire she has never helped us out despite suggesting she would on numerous occasions. And our Xmas gifts are usually regifts 😂 the worst was a used lipstick! You think she would have checked.
My best friend of 40 years earns a lot of money very rapidly her and her husband earn 3x what we take home. She penny pinches every bill to make sure she's not getting done. She never did this when we had equal earning status.

@AnnaBegins

This is such an interesting thread as it's possible I'll be in a similar situation soon. If the sale of a family asset goes through, I would get a few hundred thousand. It's basically an advance on my inheritance, is how I see it, so has to cover my retirement too. DH has already told me that we will be giving a large sum to SIL who is not well off, because all money is family money so he has equal say. It's probably the right thing to do but interesting that so many on here would say it's not a given.

WTF? He has decided that money from your family to you is going to be spent on HIS sister? He's TOLD you, not asked you and thinks he has equal say?

I'd be leaving him before the money arrives, so that he has no legal entitlement to any of it.
I am really shocked at his arrogance.

Neither, just ridiculously generous to a fault definitely a fault here and I love that this thread made me realise!

Sorry that was @Mellowyellow22

@saraclara he's generally over generous and we do definitely help SIL out where we can, so not totally out of the blue! But this has made me realise I'm not such a selfish git

@AnnaBegins I'm glad this thread has helped you

It’s her money but in this situation I would be treating all my close family.

My goodness, I couldn't imagine NOT giving my siblings/parents money if I came into that kind of sum of money. I'd even give my two closest friends a small sum too.

@AnnaBegins

This is such an interesting thread as it's possible I'll be in a similar situation soon. If the sale of a family asset goes through, I would get a few hundred thousand. It's basically an advance on my inheritance, is how I see it, so has to cover my retirement too. DH has already told me that we will be giving a large sum to SIL who is not well off, because all money is family money so he has equal say. It's probably the right thing to do but interesting that so many on here would say it's not a given.

This is a really interesting/concerning statement…. My mum came into a lot of money (for us, anyway) about 15 years ago, when her sibling was killed. To her surprise, she was almost the sole heir (sibling was unmarried & childless) - and she inherited about 1/2 million. My Dad was absolutely clear that it was her money - and although they have joint finances, my mum started her own savings. They did spend some on a big retirement activity, a few years later - and gifted a lump sum to each of my siblings and I. They also paid for a surgery I needed, which I would have had a long wait for on the NHS. My relative would have absolutely approved of those things, but it took a long time for her to want to spend if, due to how it came about.

In this case, well done to your sister - you sound like a lovely sibling, and are so happy for her good fortune, and hard work. Obviously, if she wanted to take you on a trip, or to a nice restaurant, that would be lovely - but you’re right, it’s absolutely her cash.

Hers alone but I’d definitely have given my own sister something and I know she would do the same.

Definitely her money alone, BUT that being said if I came into that much money I'd be giving my parents a nice lump sum and I'd give my sister money for a nice new car (nothing crazy) and a lump sum as she's bought a project house.
I'd also probably pay for an amazing holiday for us all to go away.

I'd also give my friend who is struggling financially a decent deposit for a house so she can stop paying extortionate rent prices. Maybe anonymously though. Not sure.

Gosh, I'd be broke fast 😂