Would you give your sister something in this situation?

[AlphaApple]

To be clear I don't want or expect anything but my mum made a comment so I thought I would ask MN.

My sister worked for a start up that got bought by a multinational. Her shares were instantly worth £1.2m. She cashed in, left her job and walked into another, highly paid job.

My mum wondered if she had bunged me anything. I said no, I wouldn't want or expect anything (I am financially comfortable - not swimming in cash but enough to live the life I want). AIBU to think my sister's money is hers alone?

It’s enough for a medium sized house and a nice car here. Still need to work and go to state school though. However, elsewhere in the world it’s a lot more and a life of comparative luxury. So really, it’s all down to where your sister lives as to whether it’s actually a small fortune or not. But no, I wouldn’t expect her to give away anything.

This. The notion of 'my money' and 'why would I' is a particularly Mumsnet phenmenon

Nope
Most people I know dont discuss their personal finances with family members.
There is no falling out or bad blood about it.
The people I know who do have poor boundaries and there is constant falling out, entitlement etc
Interesting that the DM has brought itup.
Im guessing she was given money or expects it.

I certainly wouldn’t expect anything,
but in her situation one of the very first things I would do is pay off my sisters mortgage and put some money in savings for her daughters,
But I’m very close with my sister.

I wouldn’t expect money. I think if it was me who came into that money I would want to help my family though.

I like to think I'd put some in a fund for my nephew and maybe pay for us all to have a nice holiday somewhere. I certainly wouldn't pay off my brother's mortgage - I imagine that would be a tenth or more of my £1.2mil which, if paying tax on it, wouldn't actually last long.

@FawnFrenchieMum

I agree with a PP that it feels different to a lottery win as it’s come from employment. We’ve always said we’d pay off family mortgages if we had a lottery win but I don’t share any gains I have on share saves etc and this feels the same. I mean if a sibling was struggling with insecure housing or an old problematic car I wouldn’t watch them struggle.

Yes, she's worked bloody hard for it!

Lol at people saying “she shouldn’t give you much, just 200k or so…”

No I wouldn't, she's earned it. Also I think a lot of people here who think that kind of money is like a lottery win don't live in an area where are bed semi is the best part of £8/900 k . You made your choices she made hers, if you were on the bones of your arse and trying to flee a relationship etc and money was stopping you, to or your child needed specific medical care not available on the NHS or with a wait list that would have serious consequences, yes of course, but not just bung you some money because she got a good windfall from work related shares

@TequilaStories

There’s no way I’d be expecting anything. I’d have no clue what they earn or how much money they have. Did your mum perhaps expect your sister to give her something and wondering if she’s given anything to anyone else? Is she having any financial problems?

No, absolutely not. My parents are very comfortable in their retirement. None of us have any interest in a flash lifestyle and as long as we are financially secure we are all happy.

If it was me, I’d give something to my family. I know there’s a distinction of sorts between earned money (which is what I class this as) and lottery-win type windfalls but with an amount this size, I think I could afford a few treats for my siblings - especially if I was going to continue being in a high paying role so the £1.2m might not even get dipped into much.

With that said, if it was the other way round and someone in my family received the money, I would have no expectation of being given anything. In fact, something very similar did happen in my family albeit it was over 15 yrs ago.

No. I'd be a generous aunt to her children at birthdays etc but I wouldn't hand over cash. And I wouldn't expect or want anything if the situation was reversed.

I wouldn't expect her to give you any cash, no, but I would expect her to be very generous towards you, say taking the whole family out for Christmas dinner or buying gifts.

You're correct but if I just came into millions and a job I couldn't imagine not testing them at least

If i came into a windfall I would definitely share it round

• I would pay off my parents mortgage
• I would pay for a holiday with in laws
• I woulld take other close family out for meal / weekend in a hotel

• would put money in trust for someone who has fallen on hard times ( a child whose parents died / organise a break fir a friend whose wife died leaving him with 2 small kids )

I guess I feel I have what I want and need for me and my kids and don’t want to be greedy in a new lifestyle , so sharing would feel right ( whilst still paying off my own mortgage and upgrading )

However - I would be cross if anyone felt entitled and demanded more

I definitely would expect, but as most people have said I'd do something nice for my sibling, not huge because he's barely involved in my life, but I know he and his wife enjoy spas and nice meals.

Also for context, we both already have houses we are happy in. Hers is obviously mortgage free now

*would not expect

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

This is such a mumsnet thing to say, but it’s not that much money. I’ve never had anything like that much, but I have seen the terrifying amounts you ‘need’ in a pension pot to guarantee a comfortable retirement. If she was burning through it, it would be nice to treat family. However, if she bought a house and invested the rest for the future, I wouldn’t expect anything.

I used to pay for everything when I had a job and my sister was a student, but I don’t so much now, even though she earns less.

I agree in that £1.2m would buy you a 3/4 bedroom terraced house around here (London, Zone 3).

So, assuming approx 50% tax, £600k is really only a 50% deposit on a small family house in London. If the sister has used the money to buy a property in an expensive area, it may be that actually she's spent practically all the money on that and doesn't have a lot left. And I think she's entitled to spend her money on getting comfortably on the property ladder.

On the other hand, my younger brother still rents his flat and lives in an area where you can get a 3 bedroom house for £200k. So I'd feel mean not to bung him at least £50k for a 25% deposit when it could make such a difference to his life.

It's her money and she obviously deserves it. My sister is loaded and has a £2 million house mortgage free etc. we live by scraping by. I was scammed of £1000 recently and she offered to lend me that amount of money, once she had worked out a repayment plan including interest! I think unless it's a lottery win, it's best to manage on what you have.

@OttilieKnackered

I think it is very revealing of mindset when people’s first response is ‘Why would I?’

Obviously if you don’t get on with a sibling or if they are already much better off than you, it wouldn’t make sense, but otherwise, why wouldn’t you?

Why would I? Because I love my sisters and would want to be able to share my good fortune.

Exactly this! I have 4 siblings. 3 are doing very well for themselves, better than I am, and don't need any help. If I came into a million quid I'd pay off my small mortgage and then buy my youngest sibling a flat in his city. Why wouldn't I?! I'd still be massively better off than before and that would give him huge security.

Can't imagine thinking, "ooh, no, I need ALL of that for my pension."

I would definitely give something to my sister, however if it were the other way round she wouldn't, and that would be fine.
My brother, no I wouldn't, as he's on about £100000 a year almost twice me, and yet almost every month he's asking to borrow money from me. He does always return it but still, he's a spendthrift.

Perhaps your mum is thinking about adjusting her will in light of your sister's good fortune.

I sincerely hope my parents spend all of their money on a happy and comfortable life for themselves. They inherited nothing, gave us a great start in life so have more than met their obligations in that regard.

Maybe the next time she takes her family out you'll go to a better restaurant? Or the next bday/xmas gifts will be nicer?

It seems the whole family is super comfortable financially (thank God ) so there's no need for charity within the family, or unnecessary extra gifts for people who don't need them!

@fluffythedragonslayer

My sister is a millionaire from well timed property investment (and a certain amount of hard work) I can't afford to buy my kids new shoes. I wouldn't even make the connection that my sister would give me money. We aren't close (and she doesn't know I can't afford my kids shoes to be fair, but even if she did she would just tell me to get a better job!)

I think this is sad tbh. There is no way I would let any nieces and nephews go without new shoes if I knew about it. I would hope my sister would tell me.

1.2mil isn't actually that much in the long run.

If I had 1.2mil it would cover buying a house, enough money for my kids uni fees and some as back up, regadless of my suddenly high paying job I could realistically lose at any moment. There would literally be none left to just dish out to grabby family members, especially those who think they are entitled to money someone else won or, in your sisters case, earned!

YANBU in your view, but your mother is totally unreasonable.