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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you give your sister something in this situation?

273 replies

AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 08:49

To be clear I don't want or expect anything but my mum made a comment so I thought I would ask MN.

My sister worked for a start up that got bought by a multinational. Her shares were instantly worth £1.2m. She cashed in, left her job and walked into another, highly paid job.

My mum wondered if she had bunged me anything. I said no, I wouldn't want or expect anything (I am financially comfortable - not swimming in cash but enough to live the life I want). AIBU to think my sister's money is hers alone?

OP posts:
DiddyHeck · 23/01/2022 10:07

If you're financially comfortable then no, although if you ever fell on hard times I'd help you out.

There's obviously a very teeny tiny part of you that agrees with your mum though OP, otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread if you were so sure.

MrsWooster · 23/01/2022 10:07

If I were the sis, I’d probably give 10-15%, which in our family case would be a mortgage paid off, so life changing in itself.

k1233 · 23/01/2022 10:08

I wouldn't tell. It's money as a result of employment. Do you expect your better off siblings to throw some cash your way? If you get annual bonuses, do you share it around your family? This is the same thing. The quantum allows her to buy a property / pay off a mortgage and hopefully have a little bit left over.

100k is 8%, 200k 16% - what % do you think is fair to hand over?

My father's family are a bunch of circling vultures where money is concerned. Probably why I think the way I do.

Chocomelon · 23/01/2022 10:08

Whether I might I'd irrelevant

Your mother should t expect any such thing and not should you

I wonder whether your mum was asking as she expected to receive something from your sister

NotVictorianHonestly · 23/01/2022 10:09

I wouldn't expect anything from my sister. But if I came into that money I would give my sister about £10k as there's something that costs about that amount that I know would make a big difference to her.

fluffythedragonslayer · 23/01/2022 10:10

My sister is a millionaire from well timed property investment (and a certain amount of hard work) I can't afford to buy my kids new shoes. I wouldn't even make the connection that my sister would give me money. We aren't close (and she doesn't know I can't afford my kids shoes to be fair, but even if she did she would just tell me to get a better job!)

girlmom21 · 23/01/2022 10:10

@OttilieKnackered well it was you who said it was loads...

catfunk · 23/01/2022 10:10

It's her money.
I'd give my family some if I thought they needed it.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 23/01/2022 10:11

I would definitely treat my sister. But that's because we're close and she herself is generous in her nature. I'd be less fussed about my brother though.

But YANBU OP, it's not right of your mum to suggest there's something wrong in your sister's actions. Did she expect a bung herself and is disappointed she didn't get one? My mum would absolutely expect something and start pleading poverty at every turn if she thought I'd come in to money.

C152 · 23/01/2022 10:11

I wouldn't expect anything in those circumstances. She took a risk working for start-up - it could easily have gone the other way and the co could have gone bankrupt and owed her salary and benefits. It's absolutely fantastic for her that it worked out the way it did. If you were struggling to put food on the table, my answer may be different, but you said you're comfortable.

itsgettingweird · 23/01/2022 10:11

I'd buy my sibling a house for her and DN - and I don't even particularly like her!

I'd offer to pay DB mortgage off.

I'd buy myself and ds a house.

That would still leave 100.s of thousands. Enough to have a comfortable life but still work for daily outgoings.

Original poster
AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 10:13

There's obviously a very teeny tiny part of you that agrees with your mum though OP, otherwise you wouldn't have started this thread if you were so sure.

Nope, not even a teeny tiny part. Smile I just thought it would be interesting to see if I was in a minority or not.

OP posts:
PhilCornwall1 · 23/01/2022 10:14

I wouldn't be giving anything if I came into that amount of money and would be pissed off if there was an expectation that I should.

She went to work for a start up, which is a risk in itself and it paid off. Could easily have gone the other way.

Why should others benefit from what she has done. Others could take the risk too and see if it pays off.

McScreamysGhostPants · 23/01/2022 10:14

I would but my two sisters a house each, also my two sons and daughter a small flat/ house. And it's still have 900k !

OttilieKnackered · 23/01/2022 10:14

[quote girlmom21]@OttilieKnackered well it was you who said it was loads... [/quote]
Yes, and my post also contained some context. £200k is about 10 years’ income for an average earner. That’s my justification for calling it loads…

Noname1999 · 23/01/2022 10:16

Nope. Depending where you live that money wouldn't go that far on housing. I'd put it all in retirement personally.

PhilCornwall1 · 23/01/2022 10:16

@McScreamysGhostPants

I would but my two sisters a house each, also my two sons and daughter a small flat/ house. And it's still have 900k !
From 1.2 million?
mrsbyers · 23/01/2022 10:20

If it were me I would have paid my brothers mortgage off and put a chunk in savings for my nephew and niece to buy a home - that would leave me with £1m which would be enough

WonderfulYou · 23/01/2022 10:21

I agree that it’s her money that she worked for.

I would want to give something to my siblings but she’s probably used it to buy herself a house, put some away for her children, paid her debts etc.

My main issue would be how much do you give someone - you would have nothing left if you brought your siblings and parents a house. If you gave them a couple of grand out of a million they would think you’re stingey and it could lead to fall outs.

I wouldn’t have told anyone how much I got exactly for this reason - some people think you should give it away and think bad of you if you don’t.

PhilCornwall1 · 23/01/2022 10:24

some people think you should give it away and think bad of you if you don’t.

They do. The expectation of a section of people that think the wealthy should give a chunk away, baffles me.

TheHoptimist · 23/01/2022 10:24

The figure is after tax by the way, for those who commented.

It is bizarre that you or your Mum know so much detail about your sisters finances.

Mumsgirls · 23/01/2022 10:28

My sister is in that bracket and has no children and has gifted deposits to her nieces. We are very close and if the situation was reversed I would do the same. It has got them on the property ladder.
Much appreciated, but absolutely her decision, not just expected.
Has always been generous with gifts and hosting when she lived abroad.

JustWonderingIfYou · 23/01/2022 10:28

Its hers and part of her salary not a surprise windfall. I wouldn't expect anything but in her shoes would treat family to a holiday or similar.

Original poster
AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 10:30

@TheHoptimist

The figure is after tax by the way, for those who commented.

It is bizarre that you or your Mum know so much detail about your sisters finances.

I agree. I knew she was in for a windfall but my mum asked her outright and I was in the room at the time. I didn't really want to know. I haven't told my DH or anyone else.

But the buy out was in the news and the share price was public information, so we couldn't help but know it was going to be a decent amount..

OP posts:
RevolvingPivot · 23/01/2022 10:31

Our great uncle passed away. The house was left to myself and 2 siblings. About £40,000 (could be more I think) cash was left to my sister. She gave me £1,000 because she knows I struggle. Can't work and have two kids. She put £2,000 each into kids accounts.

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