Would you give your sister something in this situation?

[AlphaApple]

To be clear I don't want or expect anything but my mum made a comment so I thought I would ask MN.

My sister worked for a start up that got bought by a multinational. Her shares were instantly worth £1.2m. She cashed in, left her job and walked into another, highly paid job.

My mum wondered if she had bunged me anything. I said no, I wouldn't want or expect anything (I am financially comfortable - not swimming in cash but enough to live the life I want). AIBU to think my sister's money is hers alone?

[Saracen]

I agree with you, OP. If you were in desperate straits then it would have been kind of her to help you out in some way. But you say you have enough, so there's no need.

The experience of a lottery-winning acquaintance has warned me that giving money to relatives can be a very tricky business regardless of the circumstances. (How grateful is the recipient expected to be? Does the giver expect to have some say in how the money is spent? Does the giver get to lord it over the recipient if the money is squandered? Will various family members bicker over who got what and who deserved what?)

[girlmom21]

@OttilieKnackered it's not really that much money if you start sharing it out. It's obviously a lot, but give 5 friends enough to pay off their mortgages and you don't have enough to buy a london flat left

[AwkwardPaws27]

I'd put some money aside to help my brother out with a flat deposit, & do the same for DHs brother.

Different situation though - they are both younger than us, in low paid jobs and with a child each to support. They don't own their homes and with rent costs are unlikely to be able to save a deposit, so giving them a deposit would make a significant impact.

For our siblings who are of similar financial positions to us - treat everyone to a meal out or maybe hire a house in the Lake District or something for the whole family to go on holiday?

[nicky2512]

I don’t get on with my brother but I would still buy them something or pay for a holiday that would benefit my nieces.

[refraction]

Getyourjinglebellsinarow
I wouldn't expect or give anything. It's really not that much money
Oh ffs I’ve heard it all now.

Mumsnet really is a different world.

[BennysBingoBonanza]

@Cleopatracat

Why didn't your mother ask your sister rather than you? It could have been a lighthearted friendly suggestion that your sister could have batted away or taken up on. Instead it has sowed a thought in your head.

I suspect the mother had been hoping for something herself and was trying to dig a bit to find out whether that was likely.

[HoldMeCloserTonyDanza]

The reason I decided to give major sums to my siblings was because my parents had done the same when my father sold a company back in the 90s.

When I asked about it my mother said if anything they wished they had given siblings more, because all that money had gone to making people they care about very happy. Whereas lots of the remainder had gone into investments etc plenty of which didn’t work out!

[refraction]

@HoldMeCloserTonyDanza

The reason I decided to give major sums to my siblings was because my parents had done the same when my father sold a company back in the 90s.

When I asked about it my mother said if anything they wished they had given siblings more, because all that money had gone to making people they care about very happy. Whereas lots of the remainder had gone into investments etc plenty of which didn’t work out!

Your family sound lovely.

[MargaretThursday]

No, nor would my siblings expect to.
It's not like a lottery win or an inheritance that has gone to one for luck. It's work money-no more reason to share it than the monthly wage or Christmas bonus.

And I'll bet that if most of the people here who are saying they would share actually was in that position then the best they'd do is a bit of a nicer birthday present. It's different when the money is reality rather than theoretical.

[OttilieKnackered]

[quote girlmom21]@OttilieKnackered it's not really that much money if you start sharing it out. It's obviously a lot, but give 5 friends enough to pay off their mortgages and you don't have enough to buy a london flat left [/quote]
Well yes, if you divide it in six of course it’s not as much (although £200k is still fucking loads). This person is talking about one sibling, not five friends.

And ‘a London flat’ is not an average barometer of affordability.

The average wage in this country is just shy of £30k I think. At take home pay levels, £1.2mil is more than a lifetime’s earnings.

[SpookyScarySkeletons]

Totally depends on your situation.

My sister is single, low paid job, always skint, always struggling, she never has enough food in the house. My mum has had to leave her job due to her health and again is struggling.

I received some unexpected money last week (not megabucks but a nice sum). First thing I did was organise a big food shop for my sister with lots of non perishable basics, meat fruit and veg and some treats that she wouldn't normally buy herself. Told her to expect a delivery at 2pm 😂 it was so lovely to hear her reaction when realised what I had done. I also deposited some into my mums account too.

If they were both in the same position financially as me then I wouldn't have bothered to be honest? Maybe paid for a meal out or something but that's it.

[Trolleedollee]

No l wouldn’t. I have been in this position and invested some for the children but it’s not enough to start giving it away.

[AlphaApple]

@BennysBingoBonanza

It’s hers and she got it by working. It’s not a lottery win. I wouldn’t expect her to share it any more than I’d expect her to share her salary.

This is my thinking. She's worked bloody hard, taken risks and this is her reward.

The figure is after tax by the way, for those who commented.

[girlmom21]

@OttilieKnackered £200k isn't loads. I wouldn't retire on £1.2mil because I could easily spend about a million on a new house, couple of new cars etc.

[TempleofZooom]

Not saying they should expect it. I am saying it would be greedy not to share and is a strange mindset to me. To expect it I agree there that is also greedy.

Money she has earned herself?
How odd to think its greedy.
Tbh thats the sort of CF attitude that is seen on here all the time.
Its not greedy to earn money and tbh I wouldnt even discuss it with anyone else.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I would, I love my sister and she struggles with finances more than me

I'd probably treat her and my mum to a Caribbean holiday

[Howeverdoyouneedme]

I would give my sister something in the situation, but that’s not to say your sister should. I expect you knew what MN would say to your OP.

[Longdistance]

I wouldn’t expect anything.
Was your dm testing the waters? Maybe your ds gave your dm something?
My db has inherited a house through our uncle dying. I wouldn’t expect anything.

[bigbluebus]

I've got 2 siblings and doubt that anyone in the family would even be aware that one had had such good luck financially. We don't ever discuss finances and don't live close enough or see each other often enough to be aware of that level of detail. We all have a roof over our heads and food on the table. Beyond that our financial circumstances are not anyone else's concern.

[OttilieKnackered]

[quote girlmom21]@OttilieKnackered £200k isn't loads. I wouldn't retire on £1.2mil because I could easily spend about a million on a new house, couple of new cars etc. [/quote]
Who says what the definition of ‘loads’ is? Who says it has to be retirable?

Just because YOU would spend it on a large house/house in an expensive area does not make it objectively a small amount of money, does it?

[Copasetic]

I don't think it's an expectation but if I was in this situation I'd def give my sister something, as I would my mum and dad were they alive.

[Lyricallie]

Of course I would give my sister some. We never had ridiculous amounts growing up (not poor but we had been in the past). Share the love.

[twominutesmore]

I don't think she's under any obligation to give her family any of the money but, if it was me, I would absolutely want to do that and indeed regularly fantasise about doing so.

Some of these responses about taking family out for a meal or a spa day have really surprised me. Unless you dislike your family, or they're already wealthy, I'd have thought more people would enjoy sharing significant sums.

[HoldMeCloserTonyDanza]

A successful start up sale takes a lot of hard work but there is a lot of luck involved too. Like most things in life I suppose.

But I have seen a lot of much cleverer people than me, with better ideas, be less successful. Timing is a huge part of it and most (not all) of that is just luck.

[StylishMummy]

If I got £1.2m net, then yes I'd be giving out 6 chunks of £50k to various relatives and a close friend. £900k to buy a larger home/save/invest and enjoy is more than enough