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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you give your sister something in this situation?

273 replies

AlphaApple · 23/01/2022 08:49

To be clear I don't want or expect anything but my mum made a comment so I thought I would ask MN.

My sister worked for a start up that got bought by a multinational. Her shares were instantly worth £1.2m. She cashed in, left her job and walked into another, highly paid job.

My mum wondered if she had bunged me anything. I said no, I wouldn't want or expect anything (I am financially comfortable - not swimming in cash but enough to live the life I want). AIBU to think my sister's money is hers alone?

OP posts:
jackstini · 23/01/2022 09:28

Well my sister is my best friend, so I would

Each time one of gets a bonus we always treat the other

ScarlettSunset · 23/01/2022 09:28

I think a lot depends on individual situations, whether there was a sibling who was struggling financially (and why), and how well they get on.

Lovemylittlebear · 23/01/2022 09:28

I would expect nothing - especially my siblings as they are tight Grin

However - I would sort my parents out so my dad could finally retire. I would also take siblings and partners siblings on a holiday.

JustLyra · 23/01/2022 09:29

Only on Mumsnet is £1.2 million not that much money

My siblings - no, not a penny. BIL yes absolutely, if we came into that kind of cash then he’d benefit as that’s just what happens with close siblings imo.

drpet49 · 23/01/2022 09:30

If I suddenly came into £1.2m then yes I'd bung some to my siblings and parents.

^So would I.

AutumnOrange · 23/01/2022 09:30

I adore my sister and we are very close so I absolutely would share any good fortune I had. She would do the same. But neither of us would expect it.

TheHoptimist · 23/01/2022 09:31

@Movingsoon21

Has she had to pay CGT? If so, the money she actually got will be a lot less (though still a lot). As it’s through work I wouldn’t expect anything and wouldn’t give anything in this situation. I would if it was a lottery win
Income tax possibly depending on if they were matured shares or future options

When it happened to us it was complicated. Taxed in 3 differing ways on thd differing shares . It ended up being about 50%- already a higher rate tax payer so no allowance

Fuckitydoodah · 23/01/2022 09:31

If she is going to buy a really nice house in a pricey area then that kind of money would be quickly used up. If I was still comfortably off after that then I would take my family away somewhere for a week and pay for the accommodation. I have too many siblings to give them each a significant amount unless it was double that kind of money.

Flickflak · 23/01/2022 09:34

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

bitemyarsenic · 23/01/2022 09:34

@refraction

£1.2M is loads if walked into another job. We have always been brought up to share. Not saying give her loads but at least a couple of hundred thousand. People are greedy and have forgotten how to share. If the relationship is not close or completely broken down then that's another thing.
I would find someone eyeing up my money and expecting to be given it greedy. Totally lacking in boundaries
saraclara · 23/01/2022 09:40

If I had any kind of massive windfall I'd enjoy sharing it. And I know my DDs would too. Even if it was 'just' along the lines of a lovely holiday.

But equally I wouldn't expect anything from a sibling as some kind of right.

refraction · 23/01/2022 09:41

I would find someone eyeing up my money and expecting to be given it greedy.
Totally lacking in boundaries

Not saying they should expect it. I am saying it would be greedy not to share and is a strange mindset to me. To expect it I agree there that is also greedy.

GloriousGoosebumps · 23/01/2022 09:42

Did your sister give your mother anything? If she didn't was the question her way of saying that she thinks your sister should be giving money to family members?

I think the problem from your sister's point of view is that people don't really see the £1.2m as the result of hard work, instead they see it as being lucky and totally fail to appreciate how much hard work is behind taking a start up from a value of £0 to the level where a multinational is prepared to pay millions to own it. The other thing is that people who are gifted money probably then feel they should have been given more, because that, unfortunately, is human nature.

I'm with @MindyStClaire and wouldn't tell anyone how much money I had received but I would have given something.

TheHoptimist · 23/01/2022 09:42

@saraclara

If I had any kind of massive windfall I'd enjoy sharing it. And I know my DDs would too. Even if it was 'just' along the lines of a lovely holiday.

But equally I wouldn't expect anything from a sibling as some kind of right.

DDs are different We would give our children some money but siblings no
refraction · 23/01/2022 09:43

My Auntie had a windfall of £10k she gave my daughter £50 this was lovely of her. We didn't expect anything but its just how our family thinks. We like to help each other.

IncompleteSenten · 23/01/2022 09:43

If my sister had it, I wouldn't expect her to give me anything at all. I don't believe people owe their family their cash.

But if I was the sister and I came into such a sum, I would want to share it with the people I loved. It's not really a generous act though, it's a selfish one because I'd do it because it would make me feel happy.

sammylady37 · 23/01/2022 09:43

The sense of entitlement some people have to other people’s money never ceases to amaze me.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 23/01/2022 09:44

When I sold my startup I divided about 5% of the pre-tax cash between our siblings.

I did not discriminate on who “needed” it and it was given with no strings or expectations. They could have all gone to Vegas with it as far as I was concerned.

I have the same amount to my sister who earns six figures as a tech exec as I did to my brother who is a hippie musician.

MauveMavis · 23/01/2022 09:44

I'd pay for a nice gift/ expensive holiday. Not actually hand over cash.

My siblings are financially comfortable so not in need of money per se.

HollowTalk · 23/01/2022 09:45

Is the money she received taxable?

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 23/01/2022 09:48

I wouldn't expect or give anything. It's really not that much money

MananaTomorrow · 23/01/2022 09:48

I would give anything at all.
I might propose to pay for a nil day together if that’s something you would normally do. Or a meal.

But that money is hers alone. She was lucky (or rather she worked her arse off to make the start up successful!). She is under no obligation to ‘share’ the product of her hard work.

Getyourjinglebellsinarow · 23/01/2022 09:48

Exception being that if I had relatives really struggling for money then I would help them.

Cleopatracat · 23/01/2022 09:49

Why didn't your mother ask your sister rather than you? It could have been a lighthearted friendly suggestion that your sister could have batted away or taken up on. Instead it has sowed a thought in your head.

OttilieKnackered · 23/01/2022 09:50

@Getyourjinglebellsinarow

I wouldn't expect or give anything. It's really not that much money
Oh ffs I’ve heard it all now.