Declining wedding invite

[GooseberryBush12]

I’ve name changed for this. So we’ve been invited to a very close relatives wedding, which is a good five-six hour drive away from us, at the time of year when DH or I are not allowed to take time off and we had two young children who are not invited.

I know weddings are about the bride and groom but AIBU to think that if you want guests to come to your wedding, you should perhaps consider them a little?!

It’s not going to go down well at all when we tell them we cannot come. It would mean a two night stay, trying to arrange childcare, I don’t even want to leave our young children at this time of year, cost a small bloody fortune and have to make up time taken out of work when it’s already hard to fit work around the kids. I’m actually really irritated that they haven’t considered the guests at all, most of whom live the same distance away as we do

If the bride is your sister in law then this really is an important occasion.

I had a child free wedding, mostly because the venue didn't allow children, most of our guests didn't have children anyway, the ones that did welcomed some adult time.

We had a small handful of people protest to the fact they couldn't bring their children and refuse to come. On the most special day of our lives this seemed to be awful behaviour. We had made the effort to go to everyone else's events.

Think about the long term fall out. You are not only going to upset the brother and wife to Be Your kids uncle. But you will also upset any parents other subs extended family and will be much resented.

YOU WiLL get the blame as you are not family. I guarantee it.

Upto you if you want to put yourself in that position.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

I agree that you can't arrange weddings to suit EVERY guest, obviously - but this is the bride's BROTHER - you'd think she might have made some accommodation for his circumstances! Unless she's really not bothered about him being there.

What, by letting them bring their kids? I can't think of any other accommodation that could be made...

@anditgoesonandon.

Just because it is the most important day of YOUR life doesn't mean people are happy to leave their children.

Didn't you think about that?

@anditgoesonandon I think it's awful behaviour to think the world revolves around you and your wedding and that your guests need to fall in line regardless of their personal circumstances

@Valeriekat the venue didn't allow children, we don't have children, the few guests that couldn't find a sitter for a few hours just didn't come. We won't make an effort to go to their events in the future. Weddings should not be planned around the circumstances of every individual guest.

YANBU to decline the invite.

YABU to expect that the couple think of you AT ALL when planning their wedding, unless you have made a monetary contribution to their wedding and it was agreed with them that you would have some say because of this.

Their wedding, regardless of how "lavish" you feel it is, has absolutely nothing to do with you. They have made their home elsewhere and are choosing to marry there, as is their right. Would you be as offended if they chose to have an actual destination wedding abroad?

For every one person that is happy with a wedding, there will be other people who aren't. You can't please everyone, so they should only be focussed on pleasing themselves.

Be grateful that you have been invited in the first place, and if you are unable to attend, give them all the very best wishes and suggest you celebrate as a family at some point when time/money is not a factor.

It's their wedding and entirely up to them as to when and where it is and who they invite.

Equally, it's entirely up to you whether or not you attend!